Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not spend much on DNs birthday this time.

58 replies

MyuMe · 16/02/2020 12:24

I've had enough.

I spend a small fortune on them because they are the only child in the family.

Last year was ridiculous. Presents, clothes, a day out. And it is never enough. I get guilt tripped because the poor little mites parents have divorced. They divorced when DN was 3 and have no memories of parents living together.

They expect me to give up my weekend come to the party, not only that help set everything up and make the food. Buy a load of presents and also take the kid out away from the party.

I would drop dead with shock if this lot bought me a card for my birthday.

And after DNs behaviour last year...open the presents and put them aside for the next one. There is no gratitude here and I'm sick of the reminders everytime I see them that it's their birthday soon and what am I getting them.

OP posts:
Berrymuch · 16/02/2020 13:23

I don't blame you at all, entitlement is a horrible trait. Give whatever you feel comfortable with, it sounds like whatever you give will never be enough anyway.

Fundays12 · 16/02/2020 13:23

DN has been brought up to be entitled, spoilt and demanding none of which are nice traits. I personally wouldn’t give more than a card and money and say you can’t make the party. It’s not your job to buy your DN expensive gifts it’s the parents nor is it your job to run around at the party. It’s the parents.

Oilyoilyoilgob · 16/02/2020 13:25

I read your last thread, you got the same advice! If it’s pestering your thoughts you could speak to your sister or brother that your budget is x and what’s the best thing to buy?

Don’t get caught up in the politics, just stick to ‘this is my budget, what pressie can I get for that or would they like the money or a giftcard’

Cherrysoup · 16/02/2020 13:26

Thing is, you don’t have to go to the party, help set up etc. You just say no, you’re an adult, you don’t have to allow another adult to control you and tell you what to do.

JRUIN · 16/02/2020 13:37

The trouble is you've set a precedent now and is often the case the more you give the more people want. Nobody likes a spoilt child though, and I would send him a voucher in a card and be done with it from now on. If his mum or dad is rude enough to moan I would tell them straight that you are fed up putting yourself out for such an ungrateful kid and leave them to ponder on that.

Imok · 16/02/2020 13:40

At six years old your dn is only repeating behaviour they've senor have been allowed to exhibit previously. They don't know any better because they've not been taught any better.
I would definitely agree with capping what you spend and, FWIW, when my dcs were asked what they would like for birthday/ Christmas gifts, dh and I would never allow them to ask for anything expensive at all (I think our limit was around £15) , but this was a few years ago. If someone chose to spend more, that was their prerogative, but we never asked or expected it.
I would not be mean to dn though - it's not their fault their parents have allowed, even encouraged such extreme expectations. You could help in learn to manage expectatythough - give them a choice of a present (setting whatever limit you choose) OR a day out with auntie?

Itwasntme1 · 16/02/2020 13:42

We very recently had a similar thread, with a little girl.

Only Give what you are willing to give. But don’t blame the child, blame the parents.

I always help out at my niece and nephews parties. Always do the party bags and always give a big present. But I am thanked, and I only do it because I want to, not because it is expected.

Bringonspring · 16/02/2020 13:44

She’s 6 it’s not her fault but her parents

Spied · 16/02/2020 13:55

Just tell them you have other plans the day if the party. They are not going to be following you or checking up surely.
I'd drop off card and present ( or a gift card- no cash) a couple of days before. You could always offer to take dn to the park or somewhere local sometime soon when it suits you and you can spend proper quality time with him.

BumbleBeee69 · 16/02/2020 13:56

I recall your last thread... my answer is still the same.. your family are still utterly vile and use you ... don’t blame the child for learned behaviour ... change your response .. buy a small gift ... the end

atomicblonde30 · 16/02/2020 14:08

£25 is loads and more than a reasonable, I only let my sibling spend £10/20 on my kids.

CakeandCustard28 · 16/02/2020 14:12

I remember your other post about this, I think it was you. Just get her one simple gift like a book even £25 is to much when the child behaves like that.

GreenTulips · 16/02/2020 14:17

We spend around £10/£15 per child.

If they ask just say ‘sorry is my gift not good enough? I match what you gave me last time.’

Job done

Be brave.

acatcalledjohn · 16/02/2020 14:17

In my opinion there are two options:

How about you gift him a donation to feed starving children in Africa, or some such present to highlight how lucky he is?

If his parents don't educate him someone ought to. It may not be the kid's fault that he's an ungrateful little prick as a kid, but if he doesn't learn now he'll be an entitled massive prick of an adult.

The alternative is that when your birthday comes round you loudly whine to them, in front of the kid, how unfair it is that they didn't even get you a card and no one loves you. Ideally accompanied by foot stamping and crocodile tears.

A bit like the advert where the mother throws a tantrum aimed at her DS in the sweets aisle.

acatcalledjohn · 16/02/2020 14:22

Take no prisoners Grin

AndromedaPerseus · 16/02/2020 14:37

What would happen if you just sent a card and a £25 gift? If you can cope with the fall out then do it

billy1966 · 16/02/2020 14:41

Do it. Also have something on that weekend. Be away.

Whynosnowyet · 16/02/2020 14:42

How about a book about a bratty dc?

St0pTryingT0MakeFetchHappen · 16/02/2020 18:34

Get them a copy of Struwwelpeter -guaranteed to terrify children into good behaviour! (light hearted before anyone accuses me of child abuse - but it terrified me as a wee girl).

GiveHerHellFromUs · 16/02/2020 18:36

I'd sponsor a penguin or something in their name so they don't even get the satisfaction of a toy.

Itwasntme1 · 16/02/2020 18:58

As before, I still think donation gifts are inappropriate for small children.

To be honest using a small child to make a point to the parents is a bit mean. It is my view that unless someone specifically asks for a charity donation, it is not an appropriate gift. It is something you do for yourself, and presenting it as a gift for someone else is poor manners.

By all means make a donation to charity, but but the child a small toy. You can’t go from bit extravagant gifts to a donation to charity.

Itwasntme1 · 16/02/2020 18:59

I think some posters have forgiven he child is six😊. Your problem is with 5e adults, not the child.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 16/02/2020 23:24

I don't agree that the issue is only with the adults. At 6 he's old enough to know he's being a brat.

MarthasGinYard · 16/02/2020 23:30

Did you post this last week?

Alb1 · 16/02/2020 23:30

You spoil the kid on their birthday and then moan they are spoilt, at 6 years old how are they suppose to get all the social cues right? It’s the parents causing the problem here (and you for going along with it). I think to not see DN around their birthday because of this is just childish and a little mean, capping the gift amount is fair enough though.