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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

22 year old son never seems to have a relationship

70 replies

Needsawakeupcall · 15/02/2020 21:53

My son still lives with me at 22 years old, mainly due to cost. He has a fairly good job, quite a few friends. He goes out regularly, goes away with mates & gym; but he never seems to have a girlfriend (or boyfriend). Family & friends ask me regularly "does he have a girlfriend yet" He seems happy enough. I try to talk it over with him to make sure he's happy about the situation & not lonely, I wonder if it's a confidence thing or doesn't feel comfortable as he still lives with me (he can be quite shy) but he just shuts me down. Should I be worried he'll be left on the shelf, most boys his age have usually had some sort of relationship. I worry the older he gets the harder it will be for him to meet someone, or he'll never have the confidence to date.

OP posts:
user32564567 · 15/02/2020 21:56

Leave him alone. I'm not surprised he shuts you down when you go on about his private life.

Ohdeariedear · 15/02/2020 21:56

Leave him be.

Nameofchanges · 15/02/2020 21:56

Is it possible he is seeing people but not dating them. This seems very common now.

timetest · 15/02/2020 21:56

He’s 22. If he’s happy and has a good social life I’d leave him to get with it.

RositaEspinosa · 15/02/2020 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Standrewsschool · 15/02/2020 21:58

There was a similar thread to this a week ago. I’ll see if I can find it.

Willowashen · 15/02/2020 21:59

My cousin hadn’t at that age... He made up for it from his mid-20s and has been happily married for many years now. I think men generally become more attractive to a wider cross-section of women as they progress through their 20s.

switswoo81 · 15/02/2020 22:00

My mother could have written the same about me at that age. My first date at 25 was with my now dh (14 years ago). Truthfully I was just having too much craic with my friends , lived with a bunch of them and travelled lots.I was a little shy around men too .

PinkiOcelot · 15/02/2020 22:00

He’s 22. He’s enjoying himself. Leave him be.

BigFatLiar · 15/02/2020 22:00

If he's happy enough leave him be. Nothing to say he needs to have a relationship. Judging by mumsnet he's probably better of without one.

Merryoldgoat · 15/02/2020 22:01

22?? Seriously?

Apolloanddaphne · 15/02/2020 22:03

My DD is 22 and as far as I am aware has never had a boyfriend (or girlfriend). She is a happy, busy, confident young woman. I am not worried about her at all. You need to let your DS be himself. Some people don't need someone else to complete them. They are perfect just as they are.

BackforGood · 15/02/2020 22:06

Family & friends ask me regularly "does he have a girlfriend yet" He seems happy enough. I try to talk it over with him to make sure he's happy about the situation & not lonely, I wonder if it's a confidence thing or doesn't feel comfortable as he still lives with me (he can be quite shy) but he just shuts me down.

Seriously?
He's 22. Leave him alone.
As and when he does see people, he's hardly likely to be rushing home to tell his Mum, is he ?
He's got an active social life, a good group of friends, a job and plenty of time to find "the one". You are being daft.

mummabubs · 15/02/2020 22:08

Hardly past it OP. I didn't meet DH until I was 26 and I'd had a few terrible dating experiences before that, never a long term relationship. Worked pretty well for me and 7 years later we're married with a child. Your son might just be waiting to find someone he really cares about as opposed to 'playing the fieod' for the sake of experience?

vodkaredbullgirl · 15/02/2020 22:10

Leave him be, my 2 girls are 22 and 20 and neither of them have bf or gf. Im single and not been in a relationship for 10 yrs, not sure if they are waiting for me lol.

DonnaDarko · 15/02/2020 22:11

All that matters is that he's happy. And does it really matter, in the grand scheme of things. I was mostly single in my 20s too, met DP when i was 30.

However, I know several people, including relatives, who are single in their 30s and 40s and perfectly happy. I sometimes have a twinge of jealousy at their care free lives, not having to consider other people when making important decisions. . . :Grin

PumpkinPie2016 · 15/02/2020 22:14

I had only had one boyfriend at that age (and it only lasted a couple of months - my choice nit his).

I was just too carefree, busy enjoying myself and in all honesty, too self centred to be constantly considering another person.

I got married at 25 (so not that long after when I met my now husband) and was very happy to do so.

He may well simply be happy as he is. It sounds like he is a sociable young man so if he wanted a relationship I'm sure he could find one.

Just a thought but you say he shuts down when you mention it (which could be entirely normal) and that family ask if he has a girlfriend yet - could it be that he is gay and isn't sure how to say it? If so, he will tell you eventually I'm sure but perhaps try to talk about relationships generally rather than girlfriends and ask family to do the same. He may well have/have had a relationship and just nit said anything which is, of course, entirely his choice.

Darbs76 · 15/02/2020 22:14

22 is hardly left on the shelf! I’d just leave him alone and let him find love in his own time when he’s ready.

PumpkinPie2016 · 15/02/2020 22:16

Grr not rather than nit

DowntownAbby · 15/02/2020 22:19

Why are you bothered?

Why do you think it's your business?

Is he not allowed to be happy being single?

Don't be surprised if you drive him away if you start interfering in his personal life.

woodhill · 15/02/2020 22:20

My ds is the same age and I'm wishing the same.

He did have a steady gf and she seemed good for him. He is very private & we don't comment

Sparklesocks · 15/02/2020 22:24

He’s still young, this no rush to be in a serious relationship. It’s also possible he is dating but doesn’t share much about it.

HomeMadeMadness · 15/02/2020 22:25

I'm sure if he is unhappy with his love life feeling pressure from his family won't help in the slightest. He's only 22 it's not at all unusual not to have had a serious (or any) relationship and he's hardly going to tell you about random one night stands and flings. Don't question him but let him be.

Harriett123 · 15/02/2020 22:25

Leave him alone what's the rush to settle down. I only ever had flings at his age so he may be dating and just not telling you.
I was 27 when I started dating my other half. 5 years later we have a baby and are in the process of buying a house. He might just not have meet someone hes serious about yet.

Nameofchanges · 15/02/2020 22:26

You seem to be getting quite a negative response OP.

It’s quite normal for adult children to confide in their parents and not to confide in them.

Depending on the nature of your relationship, it’s not unusual for you to be asking him. Both DS and DD tell me a great deal about their relationship ups and downs. When DS is without a girlfriend he does get lonely and down. I know that is not the case for everyone and many people love being single, but I think relationship questions are worth asking.