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AIBU?

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Original poster

22 year old son never seems to have a relationship

70 replies

Needsawakeupcall · 15/02/2020 21:53

My son still lives with me at 22 years old, mainly due to cost. He has a fairly good job, quite a few friends. He goes out regularly, goes away with mates & gym; but he never seems to have a girlfriend (or boyfriend). Family & friends ask me regularly "does he have a girlfriend yet" He seems happy enough. I try to talk it over with him to make sure he's happy about the situation & not lonely, I wonder if it's a confidence thing or doesn't feel comfortable as he still lives with me (he can be quite shy) but he just shuts me down. Should I be worried he'll be left on the shelf, most boys his age have usually had some sort of relationship. I worry the older he gets the harder it will be for him to meet someone, or he'll never have the confidence to date.

OP posts:
DoTheNextRightThing · 15/02/2020 22:30

I was single from 15 - 21 because I simply wasn't interested in relationships. I wouldn't be concerned.

chomalungma · 15/02/2020 22:31

Family & friends ask me regularly "does he have a girlfriend yet

Maybe he's gay?
Maybe he doesn't want a relationship at all and is just happy.

So much pressure and gender expectations - what will happen will happen - and it's up to him if he wants it to happen.

YouJustDoYou · 15/02/2020 22:35

I'd rather that for my son than a carousel of women (or men).

Tweennightmare · 15/02/2020 22:43

Interesting you should post this. I too am in possession of a 22 year old son who never seems to have a girlfriend. My DS is and this has not just my opinion I have been told this many times, very good looking and sociable I have previously wondered wether he is secretly gay as why no girlfriend. But amazingly only two weeks ago he announced he had been seeing a girl for a few weeks and now she seems like a regular item so maybe for some guys they just don’t want to commit or just haven’t met the right girl yet or maybe they just don’t tell their parents everything! Doesn’t mean there is an issue it’s just timing. So my advise don’t worry about it your DS sounds like he is happy and has a good social life and that is more than enough at this age

Shinycat · 15/02/2020 22:45

@Needsawakeupcall Oh FFS, leave the lad alone! Nothing worse for making you feel like fucking shit when you're single, than people carping on and bleating 'have you got a boyfriend yet/girlfriend yet?' Or 'are you courting?' that was what they asked in the olden days!

Whether someone is happy single or NOT happy single, there are few things more annoying, than constantly being prodded, asked, goaded, and badgered about WHY you haven't got a partner!

Leave him alone, and tell your 'family and friends' to STFU!

Why are people so dead set intent on pairing people up with someone? Like you have no worth if you're single!

And I say this as someone who's been married over a quarter century, and who has been with my DH for over 30 years, (since we were in our late teens!!!)

JorisBonson · 15/02/2020 22:47

"left on the shelf"

Jesus wept, your poor boy.

inwood · 15/02/2020 22:49

22?! It has nothing to do with you.

Stolenkisses · 15/02/2020 22:50

My son is 24, has a good job and still lives at home. He has a great social life and lots of friends, but no girlfriend. I understand what you mean as I do worry for him, as I know he would like a girlfriend and feels lonely at times. He goes on lots of dates, but it doesn’t seem to go much beyond that. I feel like putting out an advert saying I have an amazing, hard working, handsome (only occasionally annoying!) son - any takers?? I guess it will just happen in its own time, as it will for your son too.

Toastytoes1 · 15/02/2020 23:01

Have you ever considered that perhaps its none of your business? Leave him alone, he’s a grown man and his relationship status is nothing to do with you.

gingergiraffe · 15/02/2020 23:03

My son was happy playing football and going on holiday with his mates. He lived at home, paid rent and was generous and popular with his friends. We were never aware of him having any girlfriends. Many of his friends did and some married. Then aged 29 he occasionally stayed the night out. We didn’t question this. Within 9 months he had moved in with his girlfriend and got engaged. They married a year later and are very happy. Some lads just take a bit longer to mature and why not? As long as your son is happy and has friends, that’s all that matters.

EmpressLangClegInChair · 15/02/2020 23:06

Does he know they all keep asking you? Because if I was him I’d be worried that the moment he mentioned a girlfriend, all this nosey lot would be demanding to meet her & wanting to know when the wedding was.

Boom45 · 15/02/2020 23:12

My older brother was well into his 30s before he met his now wife. She's a lot older than him and I know he was sad that he wont have children of his own but hes a step-granddad now (if that's the right term) and he loves his wife and all her family
He might have been lonely when he was younger but he has always seemed quite content with his life (he travelled a lot too). If we (or my parents rather) had nagged and worried about it then it wouldn't have made him more likely to get a partner, it would just have made him self-conscious about it.

elQuintoConyo · 15/02/2020 23:16

I was like your son and my parents and family drove me nuts, so I moved to Italy.

Let that be a warning!

silencebeforethebleeps · 15/02/2020 23:17

It's fine. I wasn't interested in a relationship in the slightest until I met my now DH at 29. I don't feel I missed out on anything, I was able to knuckle down and get my career started without interruptions and I'm in a great place now.

Gogolego · 15/02/2020 23:19

If I had a 22 yo brother I'd suggest you were my dm. Hmm just leave him be

He's either sowing his wild oats and do you really want to hear that nitty gritty??? Or he hasn't found miss/mr right. And when he does I'm sure he'll invite them round for tea and then you'll moan on mn how god awfu they are. But till then stop pushing and I'm afraid you'll just have to wait

crimsonlake · 16/02/2020 00:32

I have 2 sons, 22 years old and 24 years old. One has a girlfriend and the other to my knowledge has never had one. Never in a million years would I bring this up in conversation as it is entirely his business.

Bagofoldbones · 16/02/2020 00:37

Oh god I bet he is cringing Grin

tabletray · 16/02/2020 00:38

You don't have to date to get a shag these days, you just pop on tinder or whatever. I suspect he is enjoying the carefree life.

Weffiepops · 16/02/2020 01:32

22 is young, he's still finding his feet

hellcarryingahandbag · 16/02/2020 02:17

Why force it on him? He may be someone who prefers to be single. It's his choice, he may have a partner in the future.

ReallyLilyReally · 16/02/2020 02:36

...asexuality is a thing, maybe he's not interested in romantic/sexual relationships. Leave him alone!

stellabelle · 16/02/2020 02:38

Be careful what you wish for.

My DS got to 22 , just the same, good friends and social life but no gf. I used to worry just like you.

Then in the space of 12 months he met a girl, got pregnant, had the baby and got pregnant again. I kid you not. Five years later she left him and the children for someone she met at the gym.

Five years on, he is a very successful single father and I'm the go-to person for the school run, teacher interviews, and going to all the school events. It's like being a young mum all over again.

You never know how life will turn out. DS is now gun-shy and won't even consider another relationship because of what happened before.

I'd be leaving your DS alone to make his own decisions.

lilymelsx · 23/11/2020 04:59

He’s 22....🤦🏼‍♀️ Leave him alone!!

OldGreyBoots · 23/11/2020 05:26

I think YANBU if you have the kind of relationship where you talk about that sort of thing, but YABU to think he's odd for being single. I really hope you don't ask him about it too often, the pressure can be awful. For what it's worth I was DP's first partner at 25 and there's nothing wrong with him Grin

nosswith · 23/11/2020 07:53

Perhaps in the last few months Covid 19 has meant he is being cautious about who he meets. Or it could be that he just does not want to share this with you.

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