Feel uneasy about friends wife

[onelast]

Met him about 3 years ago via hobby. Met her for the first time before Xmas (probably November time). Friendly with him but not unusually so. Hang out within a group once every couple of months. See each other as part of hobby twice a week usually. Nothing untoward.

Now the strange part. I keep seeing her everywhere! I saw her walking the dog opposite my home (live overlooking a big park area - she would have to drive around 20 mins to get here) then again at a restaurant in a hotel that hobby group meet at quite often and most recently in the car park where I work. This is all within the last couple of weeks.

Friend has made comments in passing on nights out about her being quite possessive and insecure and mentioned recently that she thinks he's having an affair (to explain why he hasn't been as active with the hobby since xmas). Now I am worried she thinks I am OW and is scoping me out.

AIBU to feel unsettled by this?

Outside your house and in the car park where you work? Yes, I'd be somewhat freaked out.

Yes. That is v odd behaviour that doesn't sound like a coincidence

Yes I think this is very ‘convenient’ that she keeps popping up. What do you do or say each time?

She might be but it may easily be a coincidence. I seem to routinely bump into some people but not others. Has she been friendly when you have seen her?

Do you live in a small place? Might just be a coincidence.

Could it be that she has always gone to those places but you've only registered her now you know she is the wife of your friend. Maybe mention it next time to him and see if he says "wow I didn't know dogwalking place was by your house, my wife loves taking our dog there" or something. Just be alert. You know you're not doing anything so if she is suspicious of you, she kills some time watching you in your daily life and you can imagine you're @onelast international person of mystery

I would tell him next time you see him.

Hope everything's OK? It's a bit weird because I suddenly keep seeing

Does she say hi?

She was very friendly in the restaurant, said she knew husband came quite often but hadn't been herself and wanted to try it out, she was with another woman at the time, totally reasonable and could be a coincidence. That's the only time I was in a position to speak to her. I was too far away at the park and saw her through the window at work.

I did think it was potentially a coincidence until the work car park incident. I don't see a good reason why she would be in there. It's not near her home, she'd have no reason to be at the place I work and it's a small car park mainly used by staff.

We live in different areas of a city.

I would find this odd but given what you've said I would be too scared to text or email him to ask about it. Needs to be done in person and you just have to hope she's not somehow bugged his clothes without him realising!!

It does seem strange but It could just be a coincidence. There is a mum from my kids school and I seem to see her everywhere I go, I've even been for days out a couple if hrs from home and seen here. I think we are living the same life in a parallel universe. Even my husband has started to notice

I'd actually wave to her & have a "fancy seeing you here" type of conversation.
Then proceed according to her reaction.

She thinks you’re the OW. I would try not to freak out, she’ll soon see you’re not and move on. Hopefully.

In your work car park?? Very odd. Saying that, my work had a joint training day with several other’s once, about 350 people. I’d met one guy previously, turns out we have a mutual friend. He was then directly in front or behind me all day, free choice of where to sit at the speeches, he was directly in front of the seat I followed a friend to, directly behind me in the queue at lunch, directly in front of me at another speech. He was already sitting when I was just following someone else. I found it very odd.

Weird coincidence like my experience, or is she stalking you?

In that situation, I'd be up front with the friend. If he mentioned the suspected affair again, I'd say something like "I hope she doesn't think it's me? I keep seeing her out and about".

Why isn't SHE part of your friendship group? Seems odd that they are a couple, but she doesn't join you. Perhaps he has form for being unfaithful.

Keep a note of everything

Seems odd that they are a couple, but she doesn't join you

Not odd at all. Most couples aren’t joined at the hip.

Very odd to be seeing her everywhere op. I would definately start waving so she knows you’ve seen her.

I don't know if he has been unfaithful in the past or whether he is currently having an affair. He seems like a nice guy and we all get on great but that doesn't mean he isn't cheating on his wife. However, I am concerned that she's looking at me as the OW which I am not. I am worried she might say something to my DH or something. I just feel uneasy about it

Maybe mention it to your DH. As long as you aren't OW there's nothing to worry about

But yes I agree it's unsettling that you're suddenly seeing her everywhere

We don't usually meet up as couples. It's easier for most people for childcare. I enjoy the group dynamic as it is and the others do too

It's possible that she has crossed paths with you before you met her, and would have had no reason to notice since you didn't know her. What does she do?

Next time you see her, say oh, hello, what are you doing here?

Outside your home isn't weird if there's a park there. Plenty of people drive to green spaces to walk their dogs, so could be a coincidence.

I don’t think it odd that she’s not part of the friendship group if it’s hobby related and she doesn’t share the hobby.

Could be weird coincidence and that now you’ve met her you’re recognising her in places she was at before. Or he may have form and she genuinely thinks you may be his latest OW. She would soon work out that you’re not. Maybe mention to him whenever you see her and check his reaction.