Feel uneasy about friends wife

[onelast]

Met him about 3 years ago via hobby. Met her for the first time before Xmas (probably November time). Friendly with him but not unusually so. Hang out within a group once every couple of months. See each other as part of hobby twice a week usually. Nothing untoward.

Now the strange part. I keep seeing her everywhere! I saw her walking the dog opposite my home (live overlooking a big park area - she would have to drive around 20 mins to get here) then again at a restaurant in a hotel that hobby group meet at quite often and most recently in the car park where I work. This is all within the last couple of weeks.

Friend has made comments in passing on nights out about her being quite possessive and insecure and mentioned recently that she thinks he's having an affair (to explain why he hasn't been as active with the hobby since xmas). Now I am worried she thinks I am OW and is scoping me out.

AIBU to feel unsettled by this?

It does sound odd but there is a bloke that used to get the same bus as me when I was going to secondary school and I still see him everywhere. I don't know him at all but he pops up all over the place. He drank in a pub I used to work in and we support the same football team so there is reasons to see him sometimes but it's been 30 years of seeing him randomly every few months. Could just be one of those things? Can you say hi next time you see her and see how she reacts?

Say hi to her next time you see her, if she reacts weirdly she’s stalking you if she’s cool about it then it’s just a coincidence. Could be that now you know who she is your just noticing her more, she could of been there along.

I'd be saying to your friend about the nineties sightings......... very odd!

WTF!?!!? Numerous not nineties!!!

I think you're right OP and she thinks you're the OW and is shooing to 'catch' him picking you up from work or something weird. Absolutely no reason she would be parked in your small works car park.

Tbh I'd find this insulting and annoying and would ask her why she was there next time I saw her. If she fobbed it off I'd definitely say 'oh right so strange because I also saw you here, and here- small world'.

I would tell your friend and your DH as the whole thing is ludicrous and its not your problem that she is insecure or that he is (or isn't) a cheater. Why should you be dragged into it.

How does she know your address? Does she know where you work? You say dyed have no reason to be at your place of work, but are you sure? She may have been there to see a friend, family mermber, drop something in etc. She may regularly walk her dogs near your house but you never noticed her before because you didn't know her.

There may be something fishy going on, there may be nothing at all going on.

I think all I'd do is say breezily to my DH "Wow, since I met XX I can't believe how often I've seen her out and about. I saw her walking the dog down our street, at XX restaurant, and the other day she was in my work car park. Weird, huh?". Then I'd let it go. DH may say she has 'form' for being jealous or he may just agree that it's 'weird'.

The last thing I'd worry about is my DH thinking I'm an OW, he'd never believe it for an instant. Same goes for my friends, if one of them said they thought I was having an affair with their husband, they'd be laughed at.

If she is 'scoping out' the situation, she'll soon realize you aren't the OW and she'll move on to the next 'target'.

Maybe she is the one having an affair with someone you work with and lives near you and she is the one shitting herself every time she spots you . Unlikely but who knows...

cstaff

Perhaps next time, wave to her, start a conversation and ask her if she’s having an affair as she was in your work car park !

I am potentially being silly but glad to see other posters who agree it seems strange!

It could all be coincidental. It was the work one that really threw me but as a PP said she could have a friend who works there that I am unaware of.

I think I might mention it to my friend when I see him next if I get chance. Just like "funny story, I keep seeing your wife everywhere!"

Will also mention it to DH. I don't think he would believe it but if I think about it from his perspective a stranger comes over and says she thinks his wife is having an affair with her husband it's gonna play on his mind. It would mine.

What’s it got to do with him though. And if she is thinking you’re dodgy have private conversations with him will be potentially inflammatory.

Next time you see her just mention it to her - are you friends on sicial media? Just a casual - saw you again, small world type comment.

bikerider I was just going to google what the nineties sightings were 😝

He has dropped me off at home and vice versa. I don't know how else she could know my address. Perhaps he's told her I live opposite the park.

I'm friends with him on SM but not with her

There's no way I'd tell him, it'll seem even more incriminating if he decides to text you about it further! Just go over and say, it's odd she's in your place of work, so what's going on? Ask her if she's okay?

Hey OP, I know I was being flippant but genuinely there is no reason not to mention it in passing to both your dh and friend. That way it doesn't look like you were trying to hide anything. Weird situation but just watch your own back.

She thinks he's having an affair.

Maybe he is. Not with you, obviously, but with somebody else. In which case she might suspect everyone.

Maybe he isn't. But perhaps she's noticed he has Mentionitis. And unfortunately it's you.

I'd back quietly and gradually away from him altogether for the time being. Don't chat to him at the hobby, don't comment on his social media, no texts, nothing.

How does he know that she thinks he's having an affair anyway - has she accused him?

Friend has made comments in passing on nights out about her being quite possessive and insecure and mentioned recently that she thinks he's having an affair

What a prince. Sounds like someone laying the foundations for "my wife doesn't understand me". I'd be keeping my distance from HIM if I were you, OP. His wife either hasn't a clue what he's saying to others about her, or else she is suspicious with very good reason.

Aren't women always told to trust their gut?

Dustibooks- I don't think that's very rational advice. The op and this man have done nothing wrong. Having a hobby and being friends with a man of the opposite sex isn't a crime, just because the wife is paranoid doesn't mean they should accommodate it. In fact that is the worst thing you can do for someone who is paranoid, they have to realise that yes they are friends, but no that doesn't necessarily mean an affair! And that's if she even thinks that, rather than it all just being a coincidence, in which case would be really daft to isolate from a friend over it.

My first thought was also: "Maybe she's the one having an affair!"

I suspect she has tracked him (possibly by putting a phone in his car) and the fact that he dropped you home has made her suspicious.

Does your husband go to the hobby? If not, maybe she thinks you're getting jiggy with her partner.

The park by your house wouldn't bother me as I regularly drive to various places to walk my dog (going to the same old places can be boring). But it is strange that she was in your work car park. If you see her there again I'd try to bump in to her and make conversation, see why she says she is there.

Ultimately if your DH isn't concerned about your friendship (which he isn't) then I wouldn't worry too much, but would feel a bit sorry for this woman who thinks she needs to play detective on her maybe cheating DH.

Why wouldn’t DH believe you?

How does she know where you work?