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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for telling the girlfriend the truth?

88 replies

SquidwardTennisballs · 15/02/2020 11:58

Hi everyone I need some real perspective here and I think this is the most realistic place to get it.
So bit of backstory I have been seeing a man for roughly 7-8 months now. Spent a lot of time together, had very intimate relations, he declared his love for me, wanted me to move in with him and wanted me to go on holiday with him. We hit a rocky patch just after Christmas and pretty much stopped speaking. We then got back to talking about mid January but haven’t seen each other since December.
We’ve been talking normal like we do, he went away for a week on holiday with a few of his “mates” around the end of January and we had arranged to see each other.

However I have just found out that he has a girlfriend that he’s had for quite a while. I had absolutely no inkling of this girlfriend, there was absolutely nothing on any of his social media about her. I only found out through some accidental stalking. I confronted him and all I got back was a sorry. Turned out the holiday that he was on with his mates was with her baring in mind that whole holiday he was sending me dick pics and other explicit stuff.

I decided to tell the girlfriend as I didn’t think it was fair for him to do that especially after all the conversations and things me and him have done together. He is now however going ballistic at me saying that I have ruined his weekend with his kids, he now had to take them out and I’ve ruined everything. She has not yet contacted me about this whole situation but I imagine she will at some point.
I just want a realistic opinion that I did do the right thing and yes maybe I’ve ruined a relationship which I feel horrendous about and it’s really knocked me but this girl has spent so much time with him and had plans with him I just thought she deserved to know. So AIBU or did I do the right thing?
Thanks everyone (if you want to berate me about the situation then go ahead as I couldn’t possibly feel worse about myself than I already do)

OP posts:
Pinkflipflop85 · 15/02/2020 12:00

You've done her a favour by the sounds of it. The only one that has ruined a relationship is him.

Ponoka7 · 15/02/2020 12:01

You did the right thing.

Any damage was done by him. He really doesn't give a shit about anyone else, you, her or his children.

YeahWhatevver · 15/02/2020 12:02

100% the right thing to do. In her position I'd want to know.... Even if it's difficult to hear

Sparkle567 · 15/02/2020 12:03

Done her a favour.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 15/02/2020 12:03

You absolutely did the right thing. I know on a lot of other threads that people say don't tell the wife/girlfriend but that tends to be when the other woman knew the man was in a relationship and went ahead and had an affair anyway so it seems like telling her becomes vindictive. But if you truly didn't know then telling her was the right thing x

Astella22 · 15/02/2020 12:03

If I was the girlfriend I’d want to know so I think yanbu.

MsTSwift · 15/02/2020 12:04

“You’ve ruined everything” hilarious well yes you have ruined his life by exposing his grubby little secrets

HeckyPeck · 15/02/2020 12:06

You definitely did the right thing.

He’s being ridiculous blaming it on you when he’s the sneaky cheat.

Good riddance to him and hopefully his girlfriend escapes him too.

overnightangel · 15/02/2020 12:09

Is the secret girlfriend the mother of his kids?

Hidingtonothing · 15/02/2020 12:09

Yep, 100% the right thing OP, I would want to know if I was that girl and he deserves to feel the consequences of his lies.

SquidwardTennisballs · 15/02/2020 12:12

Thank you all. I don’t feel any better about the situation but at least I know I did the right thing. @overnightangel as far as I am no she is not which I guess makes it slightly better.

OP posts:
Iooselipssinkships · 15/02/2020 12:14

Tell him HE ruined everything by being a cheating bastard aaand block delete remove.

UnaCorda · 15/02/2020 12:18

You did the right thing and he has no business "going ballistic". He's the one who's ruined his own life. Now block him.

cstaff · 15/02/2020 12:19

Of course you did the right thing. The only time I would think this might be a problem would be if you and her were friends which wasn't the case. You had nothing to lose or gain as either way you were done with him.

I wouldn't bet on it but it might make him think twice before he does it to some other woman.

pooopypants · 15/02/2020 12:22

YADDDDNU

You absolutely did the right thing - the only one fucking things up was him. You did her a favour OP

[Flowers] for you too

HeddaGarbled · 15/02/2020 12:26

Ha, he’s a cheating rat and you just outed him. He’s just lashing out. Ignore him.

misskick · 15/02/2020 12:29

He has ruined everything for himself with his behaviour. You are as much a victim as his poor girlfriend.

katewhinesalot · 15/02/2020 12:31

Yes the difference is you were in ignorance too. You aren't doing it for revenge. Serves him right.

Thehop · 15/02/2020 12:33

He ruined it, not you.

Cheating scumbag. You’re both well rid.

HalloHalloHallo · 15/02/2020 12:33

maybe I’ve ruined a relationship

No HE has ruined the relationships. She should be thanking you for letting her know what sort of man she's been involved with. If he's been seeing you then there have probably been others.

Block him now OP and walk away.

LittlePaintBox · 15/02/2020 12:34

She was going to find out at some point, like you did. Hopefully you've saved her a few months/years of being lied to.

TheReef · 15/02/2020 12:41

HE'S gone ballistic, ffs he's been cheating on two people, he has no right to be pissed off

Star81 · 15/02/2020 12:46

Have you finished with him ?

Yestermost · 15/02/2020 12:48

You completely did right thing. I think the type of person that sends dick pics is the type of person to never have in your life. Hope you feel better soon. And well done for telling her.

Jellybeansincognito · 15/02/2020 12:50

Lucky escape op. Of course it’s not your fault- you didn’t know!

He is disgraceful. It’s concerning that he’s blaming you and not himself.