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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - fiancé actively looking at OW

64 replies

Sweetandawfulsour · 14/02/2020 23:29

Picture the scene, I’ve cooked a 3 course meal, poured him a glass of bubbly and even cared for his DS all day for him to sit on his phone and browse a subreddit called prettygirls the moment I’m out the room.
I’m not ugly, nor am I classically beautiful so I can see why he and the rest of males would glance at passing ladies. But to actively search and subscribe to prettygirls post and to browse on Valentines Day seems cheeky. Am I wrong?

OP posts:
madamedesevigne · 14/02/2020 23:31

Of course you’re not wrong. Bloody hell!

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 14/02/2020 23:33

Urgh. Save yourself the time and emotional energy and just dump him now. Don’t waste the best years of your life on this loser. Sleazes like him are ten a penny. Go and find yourself someone who actually wants to spend time with you on Valentine’s Day.

billy1966 · 14/02/2020 23:35

OP, really.
You don't need to ask.
Do you?
Really.
So you are the help.
While he scopes his options.

Well now you know.

Bin his ass.

Thedogscollar · 14/02/2020 23:39

I would not be wasting my time on this twat. He is taking you for an idiot so please please show him your not.

BruceAndNosh · 14/02/2020 23:39

Pour him another glass of bubbly.
All over his head.

You consider him your fiance.
He considers you as his childcare

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 14/02/2020 23:41

It's not ok at anytime, not just on valentines day

Leeds2 · 14/02/2020 23:43

Get rid.

Elliesmommy · 14/02/2020 23:45

Dump

Happygirl79 · 14/02/2020 23:46

OMG Why on earth would you stay with this man?
He does not show any respect for you
He is a selfish man and you are worth so much more

NigellaAwesome · 14/02/2020 23:47

Nope

PineappleCocktail · 14/02/2020 23:48

This is why Valentine's Day is a load of bollocks. It's not acceptable on any day OP. Not today, not tomorrow, not yesterday. LTB.

AngstyAnnie · 14/02/2020 23:50

Christ. Did he know you could see what he was doing? Or how did you figure this out? Regardless, the idea of that makes my skin crawl. What a creep. You say Fiancé - I say lucky escape! Get going while you can.

Original poster
Sweetandawfulsour · 14/02/2020 23:58

He’s always secretive about his phone, not in a seedy way but more of a personal security type of way. I don’t feel he’d cheat, don’t even feel he’s doing it maliciously or to get perverted kicks.

I just want to feel appreciated, I’m always the one to initiate extra curricular activities. I’ve asked him whether he thinks I’m too fat, too plain, too ugly, too stupid, too this and too that. He always says the right thing. I do feel loved but not like a “smack in the ribs, holy shit, he really loves me” love.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetandawfulsour · 14/02/2020 23:59

Now I’ve seen it in writing it’s made me feel a bit numb. Thanks for the replies. I have some soul searching and talking to do.

OP posts:
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo · 15/02/2020 00:00

Totally no!!!! Yes - of course men probably look at attractive women as they walk past etc - as I might possibly notice a hunky bloke...Grin! We can all enjoy looking at the menu when we're on a diet, as they say. But only as part of normal life - anyone who is actively looking for it while in a relationship is a using sleazeball and you definitely need to LTB!

Plus it's gross. Why is he looking/what does he get from it? I'd never be able to enjoy a normal physical relationship with someone like that as I'd imagine he was comparing me to those girls. (So like watching porn I suppose, same issues. Maybe some men do within a normal relationship? But definitely not while you are cooking his food and looking after his child......!)

billy1966 · 15/02/2020 00:03

Asking him too this? Too that? Too wtf OP..

How about too clued in to put up with this bullshit.

TheDeadLadyOfClownTown · 15/02/2020 00:05

Every time I hear the word "fiancé " it seems like the girl is desperately trying to marry a twat. Don't want to kick you when you're down, but come on loveFlowers

Shortfeet · 15/02/2020 00:07

Ah, it’s harmless fun . Let him be a man .

SAID ABSOLUTELY NOONE WITH A BRAIN .

Have some self respect.
This isn’t ok

Merryoldgoat · 15/02/2020 00:08

Honestly, why would you put up with this? He’s a pig. That’s really grim.

PickAChew · 15/02/2020 00:09

Don't marry him.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/02/2020 00:11

How did you find out op? What has he said about it?

Watermelontea · 15/02/2020 00:15

@TheDeadLadyOfClownTown - Well, if you get engaged and not married immediately afterwards you’d have a fiancé?

He is a loser, and you need to get rid of him and look for that ‘smack in the ribs’ love you deserve.

Original poster
Sweetandawfulsour · 15/02/2020 00:19

I walked back into the room, I asked who he was perving on. He quipped back “just some girl on the internet” Hmm If it was once or twice I wouldn’t care less, it’s almost daily that I’ll walk in and he’s scrolling a little too fast. Don’t know whether it’s the Post baby blues, the lack of self confidence or what?! It’s just making me feel so little and insignificant. If I mention it, I’ll get the right answer and he’ll no doubt be more careful about doing it.
I don’t mind, I really don’t mind him looking. I look, I perv but wouldn’t dream of being so brazen about it. I don’t see any reason to leave him over it. It needs addressing but I’m safe in the knowledge this isn’t acceptable and I’m not being sensitive about it.

OP posts:
BruceAndNosh · 15/02/2020 00:23

Post baby blues?
Does that mean you've got a child with this twat?

managedmis · 15/02/2020 00:25

The DS is his baby? What? So he's the dad?