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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be a surrogate for your dd?

61 replies

NoSharon · 14/02/2020 15:29

If you were healthy and fit?

If dd asked me, and I was fit, I'd do it.

Just came into my head today as she's going through exams and if I could take the pressure off her I would.

I don't have strong views either way about surrogacy and probably mother daughter surrogacy is a bit icky. But if I could do something for her, I would.

Totally hypothetical question btw.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoSharon · 14/02/2020 15:30

And do you ever stop worrying about them?

OP posts:
mantarays · 14/02/2020 15:30

If I could, definitely. But I am too old. I’ll be in my late fifties before she’ll reasonably be ready to have a baby.

bitingapples · 14/02/2020 15:31

Yes, in theory, impossible in practice.

Beamur · 14/02/2020 15:31

I would if she needed me to. Will probably be too old though.
Wouldn't do it for anyone else though.

Eeeeek2 · 14/02/2020 15:32

Theoretically if it was safe, yes as long as it wasn’t biologically mine child. But I don’t do pregnancy very well and I can’t imagine 20 years plus after my last pregnancy it would be a good idea.

Racheyg · 14/02/2020 15:33

I have boys but I have offered for my sister. I also offered my eggs to her but she thought it would be weird. I'd do anything to see her have a child

PotteringAlong · 14/02/2020 15:33

No.

Frenchfancy · 14/02/2020 15:33

No. For many reasons, but one of them being that I have 3 daughters and no way could I go through another 3 pregnancies.

Lllot5 · 14/02/2020 15:33

Yeah I would. For my sons too.
I know what you mean about taking things for them too.
My grandson has type one diabetes I’d have that for him if I could.

RatherBeRiding · 14/02/2020 15:34

Absolutely. But I had easy pregnancies so even at my age I'd be happy to.

tulippa · 14/02/2020 15:35

No. I wouldn't. Can't see how it would work logistically due to age apart from the moral issues.

Lllot5 · 14/02/2020 15:35

And no you never stop worrying about them.
It just changed to different worries.

honesttogod · 14/02/2020 15:36

No I wouldn't.

Original poster
NoSharon · 14/02/2020 15:40

I know, the worry just never stops does it!? She has just finished her mocks and bless her she's a glass half full girl. And I'm a glass half empty girl, so I'm worrying that she's going to be disappointed with her results. Then I was worrying about uni, and boys and marriage, and then if she wants children which lead me to this question. The reality is, that I wouldn't be young enough to carry a baby either for her I think. Almost lost her as it is. But yeah, you just want to take on their troubles? And she's at an age where she really wants nothing to do with me.I just worry so much for her, that she'll have a happy future.

OP posts:
GrumpyHoonMain · 14/02/2020 15:41

It’s not a good idea and not just because of age. Family surrogacies / adoptions happen a lot in Hindu families and it never ends well. Surrogacy works best when it’s a benevolent stranger doing it for you rather than a close relative who will have a significant role in your child’s life. Your daughter may even second guess her parenting skills if she sees you with her child. And how would breastfeeding / pumping work?

AnotherEmma · 14/02/2020 15:42

Fuck no.
I'm completely against surrogacy and for both ethical and personal reasons there's no way I'd do it for anyone including a daughter (or son).
No no no.

isabellerossignol · 14/02/2020 15:43

No, you never stop worrying. I'm in my 40s and my elderly mum just told me yesterday how worried she had been recently because I had been ill.

And no, I would never be a surrogate, even for my own daughter, because I am opposed to it on ethical grounds.

SecretWitch · 14/02/2020 15:45

Yes, certainly. I would do anything I can to assist my children in their lives.

RhymingRabbit3 · 14/02/2020 15:45

Definitely not. By the time my daughter is old enough to have children (not even counting the extra years it would take to find out about infertility, explore other options etc) I would be in my late 40s. Too much on my body to carry a child and not fair on the baby who would be at higher risk of complications.

AnotherEmma · 14/02/2020 15:45

I also think it's a bit weird to even consider this let alone do it.

Most potential grandmothers would be at least 45+ by the time their children would be ready to have children of their own, and that's too old to be a surrogate (that's before you consider all the other issues).

Lllot5 · 14/02/2020 15:46

@NoSharon
Something tells me shes gonna be just fine.
You sound like me( so I’m biased)
Trust her to make the right decisions, you will have some dramas, we all do. But I reckon she’ll be ok.

Haworthia · 14/02/2020 15:46

Not a chance. I found pregnancy difficult enough, let alone at an advanced age.

Original poster
NoSharon · 14/02/2020 15:46

I think I would set ground rules for myself. That the baby went straight to her when born and that I remained in the background. It would probably be difficult though as it's not a stranger who you never have to see again.
I'm interested to know about the ethical objections? Is it because you believe in fate?

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 14/02/2020 15:47

Why are you fantasising about having your daughter's baby?

It's just so weird!

NineSwans · 14/02/2020 15:47

Definitely not. And I think DS (who's seven) needs to paddle his own canoe. My job is to make sure he can, without my input.

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