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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be a surrogate for your dd?

61 replies

NoSharon · 14/02/2020 15:29

If you were healthy and fit?

If dd asked me, and I was fit, I'd do it.

Just came into my head today as she's going through exams and if I could take the pressure off her I would.

I don't have strong views either way about surrogacy and probably mother daughter surrogacy is a bit icky. But if I could do something for her, I would.

Totally hypothetical question btw.

OP posts:
Jobseeker19 · 14/02/2020 15:47

Wouldn't it be their sibling. That then are raising as their own?

NearlyGranny · 14/02/2020 15:48

In a heartbeat, if either of them asked. DiL too.

SantaIsReal · 14/02/2020 15:48

I'd love to be a surrogate to anyone for that matter. It's such an amazing thing to do for someone and to be able to give them something they have longed for! I've had my two children and definitely done on that front but actually miss being pregnant even though I was in a fair amount of pain with them!

NewInTown08 · 14/02/2020 15:48

No. I am against surrogacy

SoupDragon · 14/02/2020 15:49

Theoretically, yes.

In reality I would be too old and I really really couldn't face giving birth again.

Hoppinggreen · 14/02/2020 15:49

No, but I’m opposed to any surrogacy anyway
Bit of a weird thing to think about unless you’ve been asked

Soontobe60 · 14/02/2020 15:50

No, and I wouldn't encourage her to use a surrogate full stop. I'd give her a kidney though!

MysweetAudrina · 14/02/2020 15:50

I offered my eggs to my bf. I would be too old to tote my childrens eggs.

3timeslucky · 14/02/2020 15:51

No. Even putting aside my views about surrogacy (which would make it a no anyway) how could that ever work? I'm in my 50s and my dd isn't even a teenager. But even for a woman who had her children much younger I can't see how the maths would ever make sense.

Jellybeansincognito · 14/02/2020 15:53

No I wouldn’t. Carrying your own grandchild, is just a head fuck for the child.
To be honest, I’m not sure I agree with surrogacy at all.

Original poster
NoSharon · 14/02/2020 15:54

Eh.........I'm not?
I just run through disastrous scenarios in my head all the time and how to fix them. It's usually about 20 seconds worth of thoughts - does your mind never wander and end up in strange places?

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 14/02/2020 15:55

Not those kind of places no
If you are constantly imagining unlikely disaster scenarios and how to fix them perhaps you would benefit from something like CBT?

NoSharon · 14/02/2020 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TeaAndCake321 · 14/02/2020 15:58

What a bizarre thing to be fantasying about. Why would this even enter your head when your daughter is still a child and not remotely near to having a child herself. I do hope you manage to take a back seat and let her live her own life, you sound intense.

And no I wouldn’t, not for anyone even my daughter, the fact I’d be in my 60s would most likely make it impossible even if I wanted to. I don’t agree with surrogacy anyway.

Original poster
NoSharon · 14/02/2020 15:58

I suppose the question really is where do you draw the line at what you would do for your children. And moreso, how do I stop worrying.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 14/02/2020 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings · 14/02/2020 16:00

What could a moral opposition to surrogacy possibly have to do with fate? I'm not being snarky, I really have no clue how you have connected those 2 ideas!

Coughsyrupsucks · 14/02/2020 16:00

I just read this to my daughter and she hasn’t stopped laughing. Something about me being ancient when she’d need my uterus Grin

AnotherEmma · 14/02/2020 16:00

"how do I stop worrying"
I had a helpful suggestion for that but you responded with a nasty insult.
I would suggest that if you want support you reconsider those kind of responses.

BlueHarry · 14/02/2020 16:01

I was 26 when I had dd, so assuming she wanted a baby at 26 I'd be 52. I honestly don't know that I would if I could. She is the only person I'd consider doing it for, but it would not be an easy yes. I found pregnancy so hard on my body.

hidinginthenightgarden · 14/02/2020 16:01

NoSharon my mind often wonders to random things too.

I don't think Id be a surrogate for anyone because I was so in love my babies. Id struggle to hand it over and struggle with the permanent damage to my body.

Imtootired · 14/02/2020 16:01

I have no idea if I would do this. Probably not because I have a lot of objections to surrogacy in general but to everyone saying they would be too old, I think you can be pretty much any age. They give you medicine to restart things and they’re not your eggs so she doesn’t matter that much. I saw a story about a mother in her 50s or 60s who did it for her gay son and his partner

Original poster
NoSharon · 14/02/2020 16:02

Jeez, I just asked a question - I didn't want a debate.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 14/02/2020 16:04

"I just asked a question - I didn't want a debate."

🤣