To think marrying a rich person does not mean you've 'done well for yourself'?

[BringOnTheBotox]

A woman I know has three daughters, all in their early twenties.

The middle daughter got married extremely young to a man twenty years older than her, who is wealthy.

The mum is constantly talking about how her daughter has 'done well for herself' in life.

I disagree that she has done well for herself; she hasn't got any qualifications above GCSE level, she had no career (worked part time in fashion retail before meeting her husband), and makes no money of her own.

AIBU to think she hasn't done well for herself if all she has done is marry someone rich?

So she was pregnant withe her first child at 18/19 when he was late 30's? That's disgusting

Stealth, I do expect women will work. But most jobs don’t pay enough for women to support children without financial help.

So who you marry plays a very large part in how well you are going to do as a family.

OK so presumably you're also saying most men couldn't support their children alone too (but in the case of lone parents the majority are women). In which case I agree!

Well, when I hear about women who married useless workshy guys and can't make ends meet even with extensive help from the state, I don't think they've done that well for themselves and their children. It works both ways and ambitious people are more attractive on many levels.

It is extremely rare for a man to ever have to care for his kids alone, because women almost never walk out on their children.

It would appear that both parties are getting what they want from this relationship, so who am I to judge?

She gets the status of being with a wealthy man and a very easy, comfortable life with access to the nice things which money can buy.

He gets the status of having a beautiful young woman on his arm, and a nubile young body to fuck.

If she has any sense, she will pregnant ASAP. If he has any sense, she won’t.

Seeing that one in 2 of us will have a marriage end in divorce, I'd rather be divorcing a rich man than a broke one. Prenup or not, if she's wise, she would own 'stuff' that ensures her life runs smoother than many of those we read here where they are broke in marriage, broke in divorce. I think it's much smarter to marry this way than the 'soulmate' ones where people are so surprised and upset that they no longer find each other attractive.

I wish I had married this way tbh!

Young woman marries rich man 2 decades older;Its less marriage and more a form of prostitution.Shes young,skinny,attractive and makes him feel good and he provides her with a very comfortable lifestyle.

Geisha girls in Japan used to do this.They'd be young woman who'd have a "sponsor";an older man who'd set them up in a nice house/apartment,pay all their living costs and provide them with pretty things in return for the use of their bodies.

Agree OP. I mean fair enough, she's lucky but has not by any means done well for herself (specifically concerning money). Leeching off someone else's finances is not doing well for yourself. Working your way up out of nothing is.
YANBU.

Success comes in different forms for different people. Marrying a rich man isn’t my idea of success but if it it for this girl and her mum then that’s fine. If there’s a bigger picture here where the girl cancelled her dream career/education plans to just be a housewife to a rich man then that’s a shame, but you haven’t mentioned that’s the case.

*if it is

I kind of agree with her tbh

Apparently getting one of the most lucrative degrees and subsequent jobs was just a way to bag the right sort of man, for nearly all of them.

It was like this to some extent at Oxford, except I was too naive to know how things worked. I ended up with a worthless degree, stuck back in the sticks with my parents and all opportunities for social mobility firmly shut down. I think someone with a rich husband has absolutely done well for thenselves, at least as far as money is concerned. If the lady in wants a career after the kids are at school, she'll have her rich DH's money to set up a business or train for a professional qualification.

As it becomes more and more difficult for an ordinary couple to meet the basic needs of their family, inheriting money or marrying into it are going to become increasingly important.

No, I don't think marrying a rich person means you have done well for yourself. However, you sound really judgemental of her, it's their life they aren't hurting anyone that you've said. Be nice!

Well given that she seems to have absolutely nothing going for her I’d say that yes, she has done well for herself. The thing about the phrase “well for her/himself” is that it has an implicit relativity between the achievement and the expectations of the subject.

you hear that a lot about the Middleton sisters though, don't you?

What is disgusting frankly is
-accusing a woman to be a gold digger for marrying "well". Why should you be genuine only if you marry a pauper? I don't buy that people genuinely believe that, they are just bitter and jealous.

-accusing a woman to "work" in a marriage, basically calling her a prostitute. It only says a lot about who says that, not the target.

It's also laughable to pretend everyone has a fascinating, fulfilling and life-changing career, that you can't be worth anything without a job. As if. You must have a really low self-esteem if you think your value in the world is based on the fact that you have a pay-check at the end of the month.

@PettyContractor it’s really common in law and other high status degrees. A lot of girls that I went to school with chose their undergrad study options with the suitability of dating pool in mind. Ironically none that I am aware of succeeded in bagging a husband or serious boyfriend at university. Men like that seem to have no interest in marrying until after thirty at which point they either want a woman similar to them (and the resent and maybe abuse her if she tries to become a SAHM) or they marry a younger woman ideally early twenties of similar status (adjusted for age) and then see it as a good thing is she drops out of work because she’s then trapped in the relationship and less likely to jump ship when the man hits middle age.

She means it flippantly and you're looking way too much into it!

Let’s move away from the “done well” - more importantly, are they both happy? If so, and they stay so, then the marriage is a success. After all, there’s no wrong or right way. And who’s to say that she won’t go on to forge a successful career for herself, with financial support, once the children are at school.

I have an aunt who said this about DH the first time she met him "ooh you've done well for yourself there, don't fuck this one up". That aunt is an asshat. I have a first class degree, a career I'm doing well in and a house that I paid for. DH is lovely, yes, but no more lovely than I am.

It's a rude way to look at marriage and I'd hope for more in future generations.

By your account she’s an uneducated young woman with no career options.

She’s achieved financial stability for herself and her two children and presumably lives a life that would otherwise be beyond her reach. Things could definitely be worse and you sound jealous as hell

Lots of people have this attitude, their choice although so judge the smug, entitled ones that think they are above others.

I wouldn't marry someone for their money & am not interested in an old millionaire however I wouldn't marry someone without ambition or prospects. I expect the same of myself.