To think being spat on and hit isn’t part of my job?

[BarbaraBeast]

Just a rant really I suppose but I need it tonight.

I’m newly pregnant (my boss already knows because of the nature of my job) and work with young children; a job I love and am highly qualified in.
We have had a child with us for the best part of a year who has severe behavioural issues (I won’t go into too much detail for privacy) but the problems are essentially now out of control and we don’t have the child’s parents on our side because they insist the behaviour isn’t an issue. The issue isn’t deemed by involved behavioural teams to be an underlying condition, the child simply does as he pleases with his parents’ consent.

For months now my colleagues and I have been punched, kicked, bitten, sworn at, smacked and spit on (child aims for the mouth/face area specifically) on a daily basis and just when we feel there has been progress made, the child will come out with new, more outrageous behaviour.

My manager isn’t particularly helpful in these instances, choosing to stay in her office and complete “paperwork” instead of giving a hand but she is well aware of the stress we are under but I’m seriously pissed off with her after a comment she made today.
After this child had finished hitting me for implementing a time out and after I’d been spat at twice (yep, In the face. And yep, he has a streaming cold), I said to my manger (who had come to see what the commotion was about) that I can’t be doing with this everyday and that we are all exhausted of this child’s behaviour and I was quite blunt in saying she needed to do something more productive because the team can’t keep themselves and other children safe without some serious intervention. Her response to all that was “just remember you’re quite hormonal with being pregnant”. WTF?
I was fuming that she completely dismissed me and the situation by passing it off as an overreaction on my part essentially.

I want to have a word with her about it tomorrow because I can’t spend the rest of this pregnancy being hit and spat on by a child who needs serious intervention which she needs to put in place.
WIBU to set her straight and tell her the team is at breaking point because of this behaviour and tell her not to dismiss my frustrations for pregnancy hormones?

Has she completed a pregnancy risk assessment?

maternityaction.org.uk/advice/health-and-safety-during-pregnancy-and-on-return-to-work/

She hasn’t yet but thank you so much for this information

If the rest of the team are equally fed up, then all of you going to the Manager as a group will have far more effect.

She was well out of line for the pregnancy comment though.

You need a risk assessment anyway.
My friend is heavily pregnant and works as a TA in a SEN school. She had major issues with a violent child who was her 1:1, and had to be moved away from him. He likes to kick in the stomach as well....

Her RA has had to be reviewed repeatedly because she has SPD and other issues with the pregnancy so they have a duty if care to keep her - and you - safe, including from workplace violence.

How old is the child?

And go to your union

Get your union onto it. Also don't just get out of it by yourself because you're pregnant and leave your colleagues to cope. You all need to stand together on this one.

How is the child with the other children?

All of the team are beyond fed up, we seem to have exhausted all avenues to help but at this rate the child won’t be in mainstream school for long which is an awful thought as they are so clever and could do amazingly well. This child has kicked each of us in the stomach before so it’s not beyond the realms of possibility for it to happen again.
The child is 4.

How dare she mention your hormones! That’s awful. She’s trivialising the child’s behaviour and the impact that it’s having in the team. You most certainly should have had a risk assessment by now and you should not be espoused to that level of risk.
Pregnant or not though, without your managers support and understanding you’ll all burn out.

*exposed

When I was pregnant and working as a,mental health nurse I b get got involved in aggressive situations , ,how are staff dealing with this child are they trained in Team Teach? .

I didn't get involved *

The child is the same with other children. There is 1:1 support for the child as well as support from all of us who are in contact with the child but the behaviour is just out of control.

I would put in writing that you were very upset by her suggestion that only feel that the situation with this child has become unmanageable, due to your pregnancy hormones. Email it to her and hopefully she’ll respond in such a way that you have proof of her discrimination, in case your pregnancy is used against you again.

It’s just beyond frustrating because the team are all highly experienced and highly qualified and even our local Early years team have said we’re the best setting in our area to deal with this child but we all feel like we’re failing the children getting hurt and the child themselves.

Her response to all that was “just remember you’re quite hormonal with being pregnant”

What. The. Fuck.

Funnily enough Im not pregnant yet I still wouldn't like being punched, kicked and spat at with no plan of action from my employers.

God that's made me so angry!

As a PP said - health and safety risk assessment ASAP. And if her attitude continues re comments about pregnancy hormones when you raise serious and legitimate concerns, I believe you could pursue a formal complaint about her behaviour.

Sorry OP this would be a stressful situation even at the best of times

it is a clear health and safety issue 1. because you are pregnant so there should be a specific risk assessment around that AS SOON AS YOU ADVISED THEM if not on an ongoing basis but also as 2. it involves bodily fluid which can transfer disease apart from being utterly unpleasant

Mgt are playing ostrich here the child clearly needs help beyond what can be provided plus have to say - where at age 4 does a child learn that sort of behaviour!!!.

No you should not be subjected to this in your job. Pregnant or not, although you are at added risk.

The main cause:
My manager isn’t particularly helpful in these instances, choosing to stay in her office and complete “paperwork”

Getting on top of behaviour is number one. I’ve a special needs child and it can be done, it’s a daily struggle and maintenance, but it can be done. But you need to flag this up and prepared to fight with your team. Get a really good consultant in to advise and assess would be my monies worth.

You need really good strategies.

It won’t change overnight. But it will change.

It’s also an expectation with the kids, they are used to doing this.

Forget about the parents for the minute. You can’t influence their domain. Kids can learn that different domains require different expectations. With me it’s been very much learning why and how my child is triggered, and what by. It’s working with the child, not being authoritative but being extremely flexible my end.

Different kids needs different strategies. Get your team on board.

I work with children with special needs and being hit, bitten and spat at (yep, right in the face sometimes, grim!) is definitely part of my job.

However, with you being pregnant you really need to get risk assessments in place. And her comment about you being 'hormonal' is totally fucking out of order, and if she says something like that again and doesn't sort out your risk assessment ASAP then you should take it further.

How old is this child?

I agree with others who have said email and it would be ideal if all staff made their views clear and they could also raise concerns on behalf of the other children ... it is obviously only a matter of time before another child or a member of staff is hurt. In the meantime where is the duty of care and maybe you might put you are taking legal advice ... this will get her attention.

Sounds to me like the child has ASD or else something terrible is going on in the family ... how sad

Do you have incident forms to complete as these need doing. This will be evidence for family and service. Child’s needs cannot be met by your service and they need more intensive support. It isn’t acceptable to be treated like this -
Consult your union.
Risk assessment.dicumention needs updating.
It needs escalating to higher management - safegaurding children.
Is The child’s at risk from being assaulted by other children?
Good luck.
You need to document everything - keep evidence.

Yes, I assume this is all being logged? Lots of places now have an online system for logging incidents (we use ours a lot!) but it means it's all there. You should at least have a paper system and definitely need to be logging all these incidents.

Is it a nursery or school that you work in?

Thank you so much for all these replies everyone-it’s so reassuring to hear experiences etc.

It’s not even really the child’s behaviour that’s my issue (well, obviously it is but that’s another thread entirely), because whilst it’s shit and it shouldn’t be happening to any of us, we are determined to do everything we can to improve that child’s preschool experience however infuriating and hopeless it may appear at times.
My real gripe is the complete disregard of what we’re going through every bloody day with this child and the cheek to use my “hormones” as an excuse when actually I needed her to know I was at the end of my tether at that moment (as we all are).

I am lucky in that my team (excluding the manager) are absolutely fabulous and we do everything together as a solid unit and make all decisions together so they’ll all support me as I would for them. They really are incredible 😍