To think being spat on and hit isn’t part of my job?

[BarbaraBeast]

Just a rant really I suppose but I need it tonight.

I’m newly pregnant (my boss already knows because of the nature of my job) and work with young children; a job I love and am highly qualified in.
We have had a child with us for the best part of a year who has severe behavioural issues (I won’t go into too much detail for privacy) but the problems are essentially now out of control and we don’t have the child’s parents on our side because they insist the behaviour isn’t an issue. The issue isn’t deemed by involved behavioural teams to be an underlying condition, the child simply does as he pleases with his parents’ consent.

For months now my colleagues and I have been punched, kicked, bitten, sworn at, smacked and spit on (child aims for the mouth/face area specifically) on a daily basis and just when we feel there has been progress made, the child will come out with new, more outrageous behaviour.

My manager isn’t particularly helpful in these instances, choosing to stay in her office and complete “paperwork” instead of giving a hand but she is well aware of the stress we are under but I’m seriously pissed off with her after a comment she made today.
After this child had finished hitting me for implementing a time out and after I’d been spat at twice (yep, In the face. And yep, he has a streaming cold), I said to my manger (who had come to see what the commotion was about) that I can’t be doing with this everyday and that we are all exhausted of this child’s behaviour and I was quite blunt in saying she needed to do something more productive because the team can’t keep themselves and other children safe without some serious intervention. Her response to all that was “just remember you’re quite hormonal with being pregnant”. WTF?
I was fuming that she completely dismissed me and the situation by passing it off as an overreaction on my part essentially.

I want to have a word with her about it tomorrow because I can’t spend the rest of this pregnancy being hit and spat on by a child who needs serious intervention which she needs to put in place.
WIBU to set her straight and tell her the team is at breaking point because of this behaviour and tell her not to dismiss my frustrations for pregnancy hormones?

People like you who do this sort of work are saints!

Document everything - every incident - and then go further up the chain with a complaint in writing.

I work at an SEN school and have been subjected to violence to the point where I've been signed off by my doctor until they sort my staffing out. The excuse is always lack of money but that doesn't help my unborn child when I'm being hit and kicked. It's hard but if they won't look after you, don't be afraid to put yourself first.

I’m a prison officer so we too deal with violence every day on a large scale. But give the prison service their dues, as soon as you tell them your pregnant your immediately no prisoner contact. I told them when I was 5 weeks, didn’t want to take any chances. I think it’s covered in the health and safety at work act, could be wrong but chuck that at your manager. They should not be subjecting any of you to that but least of all when pregnant

Have a read of the health and safety act for expectant mothers / recently given birth www.hse.gov.uk/mothers/law.htm. A risk assessment needs to be carried out and then if the risks cannot be removed, there are a list of actions to be taken. Your manager is a bully and is not fulfilling their obligations as an employer.

If you work in residental child care it’s par for the course. You will also be paid about £20K for dealing with kids who have been seriously fucked up by their parents and you are expected to absorb their anger and put them back together again!

Holy sh*t! Call your union. Refuse to work until risk assessment is in place.

If this is a mainstream school setting use the tools available to you - is there a behaviour policy? If so is it working and is it being followed? Either it is being inconsistently applied which is causing the child issues, or if the child is assaulting the staff then they should he excluded. And yes a 4 year old can be excluded. If they already have a one 2 one why is that not helping? Ultimately you need the child to be in the right setting for them to thrive
(which may not be main stream) equally you have a responsibility to the other children - they need to feel safe and be allowed to progress too. If there a team teach approach? Is it being applied correctly - not just for handling the child.

Also - you need to look out for yourself. You can't be around children kicking you in the stomach. Good luck.

Is this youth work ? I’ve done this line of work and it’s not safe when your pregnant you need to stay out of the situation and sit in the office-staff room etc. It’s a dangerous job to do when pregnant but they should risk asses you and put you on other duties or away from the aggressive situations

You definitely can’t be doing restraints either I’ve been assaulted on many occasions i worked for an awful company so I left in the end.

put all your concerns in writing. Until you do, they can be ignored. I have always found that managers respond better when this is done.

The issue isn’t deemed by involved behavioural teams to be an underlying condition, the child simply does as he pleases with his parents’ consent.
If the child is four this is simply not true. They may or may not have ASD or another special need. He is too young for it to be ruled out.

I had a manager like this once. Really infuriating. Thank God for hormonal women who see the light and refuse to tollerate such disregard for staff safety and wellbeing any longer.

If the child is four this is simply not true. They may or may not have ASD or another special need. He is too young for it to be ruled out.

This with bells on.

But it is unacceptable to be placed in this situation when you are pregnant. Definitely contact your union and get your manager to complete a risk assessment.

I think if you all approach the manager you might have a better response. If she doesn’t put serious intervention in place then approach her boss.

OP, you haven't mentioned if you are in a trade union or not.

I'm glad you have a tight supportive team. Do you have regular team meetings with your manager? Could you put the appropriate safe management of this child on the agenda for discussion? Is the unit private or run by a Local Authority? If the latter, please consult HR. If not, ask your GP to sign you off, and specify why it is necessary. If privately owned, request a meeting with the owner and have a colleague with you. You have the law on your side. Do not back down. I've worked in prisons and secure children's units. We were all extensively trained to keep ourselves and other service users safe. All staff, whatever their role, have the right be safe at work.

He sounds a right fucking brat! Risk assessment for you and your colleagues I reckon. Spat at in the mouth? Could be passing anything on.

Why are schools and employees forced to deal with this shit? How come parents aren't forced to just home school and get on with it?

We’re a preschool setting and whilst we don’t specialise in SEN, we have a great reputation in our area for being the best at accommodating additional needs and SEN which we are really proud of.
We do have a behaviour policy which has been tweaked slightly in places due to this particular child’s previous behaviour. I may actually suggest to my team that we meet over the half term for a drink and to discuss new strategies together so that we can start again with some new ideas based on the child’s most recent behaviour plan. One positive is that all of the professionals who have observed the child have all commented on our level of consistency and communication but it would definitely be useful to regroup and reflect to see how we can move forward positively.

I’ll start drafting an email to my manager tonight

^The issue isn’t deemed by involved behavioural teams to be an underlying condition, the child simply does as he pleases with his parents’ consent.*

Other posters have just said what I’m about to. You can’t take this as definite. He’s too young to date. It’s also depressingly common for even experienced teams to miss ASD or other conditions. Frankly I’m that you seem so sure there’s no underlying condition and that it’s down to bad parenting, despite the child’s behaviour and having a 1:1.

However that doesn’t mean of course that you should be expected to put up with being attacked when pregnant. That’s very wrong and I agree you should go to your union or above your manager’s head and put things in writing.

He sounds a right fucking brat!

How helpful...

I completely agree with the posters who say it’s too young to rule out underlying conditions-a diagnosis is ultimately our hope (as wrong as that must sound). At the end of each session, no matter what has happened that day we do find ourselves saying to each other that even if it’s behaviour, an underlying condition or poor home life; it’s not that child’s fault which is what we don’t want to lose sight of.
We are continuing to work closely with multiple agencies (mostly with the Early years lead and her team) in the hope that as the case progresses, something may be recognised or diagnosed so we can help the family access what they need.
What is unfortunate is that the family also sent their older child to the preschool (a few years before I began working there so I don’t know all the details) whose behaviour was similar and so was the parents’ attitude. By all accounts the older child is now conforming so that’s some hope there

Surely you don't want to risk losing your baby for the sake of this child?

Your supportive team should be supporting you to not be in direct physical contact with this child.

Seriously are you willing to lose your baby ?
Your team might be super amazing but really come back to earth and think this through.
The child can be helped without you. Your team can fill in for you and are you even going to be going back after the baby is born?
because your priority will be your baby then not this child. So your team have to manage without you for a while.

If your hormones are starting to rage it is because your job is to protect your baby and you might be putting him or her at risk. But your manager was well out of order to blame your hormones. Complain about her.

OP you and your baby are your priority ensure you keep safe first and foremost and your manager sounds a horror !

Her comment is actually discriminating against you being pregnant. You have given her some information and she has wrongly blamed it on your pregnancy. Technically you could put a serious complaint on about her. I would definitely mention this comment to her and say how unprofessional and discriminatory she is not listening to your concern and blaming you.

You definitely need a risk assessment. That's the bare minimum.

If our headteacher down plays behaviour we are concerned about we become a pest. We call her down for all incidences (and we'll call her before they hit full blown as she has a habit of saying what could you have done to prevent this). Be that pest and she'll have no option to deal with it. Then if she complains about it ask her if she's hormonal.

What professionals have you had in regarding his behaviour? We had a really good link with a referral unit who gave us lots of advice on strategies and if we couldn't deal with a child's needs they would support us in getting referrals.

But you need to keep yourself safe. And the manager needs to play her part in that role.

Because all children are entitled to an Education @JamesBlonde1 obviously there should be risk assessments in place and extra support for the child ,lots of children with SEN have these behaviours ,they are still entitled to an Education.