To think being spat on and hit isn’t part of my job?

[BarbaraBeast]

Just a rant really I suppose but I need it tonight.

I’m newly pregnant (my boss already knows because of the nature of my job) and work with young children; a job I love and am highly qualified in.
We have had a child with us for the best part of a year who has severe behavioural issues (I won’t go into too much detail for privacy) but the problems are essentially now out of control and we don’t have the child’s parents on our side because they insist the behaviour isn’t an issue. The issue isn’t deemed by involved behavioural teams to be an underlying condition, the child simply does as he pleases with his parents’ consent.

For months now my colleagues and I have been punched, kicked, bitten, sworn at, smacked and spit on (child aims for the mouth/face area specifically) on a daily basis and just when we feel there has been progress made, the child will come out with new, more outrageous behaviour.

My manager isn’t particularly helpful in these instances, choosing to stay in her office and complete “paperwork” instead of giving a hand but she is well aware of the stress we are under but I’m seriously pissed off with her after a comment she made today.
After this child had finished hitting me for implementing a time out and after I’d been spat at twice (yep, In the face. And yep, he has a streaming cold), I said to my manger (who had come to see what the commotion was about) that I can’t be doing with this everyday and that we are all exhausted of this child’s behaviour and I was quite blunt in saying she needed to do something more productive because the team can’t keep themselves and other children safe without some serious intervention. Her response to all that was “just remember you’re quite hormonal with being pregnant”. WTF?
I was fuming that she completely dismissed me and the situation by passing it off as an overreaction on my part essentially.

I want to have a word with her about it tomorrow because I can’t spend the rest of this pregnancy being hit and spat on by a child who needs serious intervention which she needs to put in place.
WIBU to set her straight and tell her the team is at breaking point because of this behaviour and tell her not to dismiss my frustrations for pregnancy hormones?

No, it's not acceptable for you to be treated like this, or having your concerns treated as just being 'hormonal'. Or for that matter for the other staff and other children to be treated like this. Is this a nursery/preschool centre or a primary school? There must be some problem going on with the child or his home, I think: this is not 'normal' behaviour in a child of this age, even a badly-behaved child. A 2-year-old might show this sort of uncontrolled aggression, but not a 4-year-old on a repeated basis. In any case, whatever his problems, the violence can't just be shrugged off; this is at the level of being not just a behavioural issue but a health and safety issue. I think, as others have said, that a group of you should make a list of the incidents and bring it to management. If this doesn't work, are you a member of a union? - they might be able to help.

What have the union said? A friend in a similar position was given invaluable support from the union.

Ok she was out of order but I think you are too. Here is a child who probably needs your services more then most. You need a good plan (ABC charts, intervention techniques, consistency.) I have worked with children like this and it can be very draining but it does sound like your manager isn,t being supportive and that is going to have a big ngetive effect. And yes it is part of your job to deal with. If your pregnant then perhaps you can work less with this child?

Give the child time outs in the manager's office. Things will change FAST!

Yanbu.
Sorry I don't have any advice.

You need your union ASAP.

Believe me, we have gone above and beyond for this child and their family and will continue to do so until we’ve exhausted all avenues.
We are doing ABC charts, my plans, individual behaviour support plans etc, a personalised social story we have bought special reward resources especially to try and motivate positive behaviour, he has a 1:1 and a team around him who want the best. The family have had our full support and have done all the way through but they have fought us every step of the way.
It is completely draining but also disheartening when we are doing so much for this child (as well as catering for other children with complex needs) and I’m accused of being hormonal for voicing my frustrations at being spat on and hit yet again.

I had similar after returning to work from maternity leave... it was horrific! I cried non stop then got pregnant with number 2 and sobbed to the senco..

Speak to the senco/phase leader/head.... go through your union too.

@x2boys Homeschooling is an education. I certainly wouldn't want to be kicked and spat at work. Why is his right to an education stronger than OPs right to be unharmed?

Thank you again for all responses. I’ve got a much clearer idea of where to go from here

I haven't read the thread fully but please be careful with regards to contact with bodily fluids while pregnant. CMV is a big risk in childcare settings and can affect unborn children. You can take precautions (gloves etc) but really shouldn't be put in charge with a known spitter.

Please read up on CMV. It's very dangerous, a friend contracted it whilst pregnant in a nursery setting and get child us severely disabled. It's not a well known thing but there should be more awareness amongst the profession definitely.

Depends on your job....I work in a SEN school so those types of behaviour are often seen as the norm for where I work

You need to make sure you are not dealing with the child. He has a 1:1 and there are other staff, who presumably aren't all pregnant. I get how hard it is to not step in when a child is getting out of control but you are pregnant so unless you are literally the only adult in the room you need to take a step back. Your manager needs to make sure there is a plan in place to keep you and your baby safe.

I'm a 1:1 and i would be absolutely devastated if my 1:1 hurt a pregnant colleague, I would far rather deal with the meltdowns on my own that risk that.

Well of course homeschooling is an Education if the parents choose that but it should be the parents choice and not all parents can or want to home school ,there needs to be strategies put in place to help the child and staff and the op.shouldn't have to deal.with any aggression whilst she,s pregnant ,SEN cannot be ruled out as the child is so young it sounds like the management isn't dealing with the situation .

I am sorry OP but I do not understand why this child is more important than your unborn child?

Is this an ego thing?
You have to be the best at your workplace?
Surely this team can work with the child without you being hit and kicked?

There is something odd in this.....a badly behaved 4 year old is getting an awful lot of attention and is responding with violence.

Maybe this is simply the wrong treatment for this poor child. Perhaps he or she would like you to get out of their space?

I wonder what happens if th echild get room to breathe while being watched?

OP you should be complaining about your manager yes.

Another SEN teacher and yes this is part of my daily job. In the Summer my husband doesn’t want to go out with me as my arms are covered in bruises (and legs oh and boobs I have one who targets your boobs and genitals). We literally as human shields some days putting ourselves between two children. We have all the support plans in place the biggest problem is lack of staff councils have slashed ASN budgets.

If I were pregnant there is no way I would be in my classroom I would go on long term sick first than take the risk. Your manager is out of order, I would be going straight to your union (if you have one).

LifeImplosionImminent parents cannot be forced to homeschool.
Think about the amount of discrimination that would occur against children with disabilities if that was allowed. 'Oh you are going to cost a lot to educate so your parents can keep you home'.

This just makes me feel very depressed.

I believe you when you say you are trying all the main behaviour strategies.

My child is SN and the thought of him being around violence also horrifies me. She is capable of it herself I’m sure however I’ve worked very hard to nip it in the bud and got expert help. I also regularly advise the teachers as at age 4 I would have thought social stories may be too abstract if he’s regularly hitting.

I’d be scaling back almost all demands and having a a totally different curriculum for them.

If you do ABC charts - have you sorted out his triggers?

If you have, why not cut them to zero and start from there?

Have the one to one alternate with another as it’s too much just one person they must be exhausted.

Have the day broken up into small chunks of physical and sensory activity with time on an iPad to provide respite for the boys attention?

It all sounds like it needs a totally different approach.

I’d call in another consultant, you can’t just throw in all the behaviour strategies to hope it sticks, it needs a lot of dedicated one to one work or even two to one.

I’d flag this up, in very strong terms, if the funding isn’t there then you or the SNA are not the punch bags for the lack of funding. This just isn’t acceptable and you need to protect yourself.

Depends on your job....I work in a SEN school so those types of behaviour are often seen as the norm for where I work

This just is so depressing.

Glad you have already started drafting an email. Others have posted some good links.

I would be tempted to write something to the effect of

Dear Manager,
When I highlighted the ongoing and escalating issues with X’s behaviour today, you commented that I am ‘probably hormonal due to pregnancy’.

That has reminded me that it will be necessary to carry out a pregnancy risk assessment for my role. I understand that you think I am hormonal and that may affect my judgement regarding (aggressive child) so I suggest that we include input from Colleague X, Colleague Y and Colleague Z as they have experienced and witnessed potential risks in the classroom/office/school/whatever.

Please could we arrange to do this as soon as possible and by (statutory required date) at the latest.

I am sure other posters can improve upon my suggestion but I strongly feel you should include in writing her comment about being hormonal to create a potential paper trail should you need it,

It is so sad that children as young as Nursery children are being so violent and destroying the day at Nursery for the other children and staff. I don't remember any children like this when I was at nursery although that was years ago.
I have just removed my DC from a nursery because of a similar child who is a bit younger than your pupil. It would not be acceptable to me to have my DC in these circumstances for another 2 years. The child will get bigger and be more difficult. The conduct has been the same for a year.
OP you really need to protect your unborn baby. This child can not be allowed to do anything to harm you or the pregnancy. The Nursery need to do a Risk Assessment and ensure that they protect you.
I hope you get a resolution.

Why when your pregnant are you getting so close to him that he can hit you and spit in your face. Stay away. There are a number of strategies you can use without being close to him keep yourself away. He has a 1.1 if he needs team teach send for another adult. You sound like your trying to be the hero with this child. Thays not going to happen he clearly has other issues 4 is far to young to say they have been ruled out. Stopputting yourself in that situation. Have you set up Andrea for him and his 1.1 a safe area he can go to maybe with a little reading tent or something?

If a child is behaving constantly like this it means there needs are not being met. They need different interventions and possibly a different setting. If this behaviour is happening at a special school again it means their needs aren't being met.

My child sometimes has very challenging behaviour but when that happens it means that something is wrong and that needs investigating until the reason is found.