To expect these to come back washed?!

[coffeeforone]

Last weekend I invited my 3.5 year old DS's nursery friend (same age) round for a few hours as his mum has a newborn and is struggling for a break. She mentioned when I picked him up that her DS was still potty training so to keep offering him to go to the toilet and he should be ok!

He did keep saying he didn't need to go but was obviously just too distracted playing with DS and by the time I realised he was wet - my bad.

I put some of DS's clean pants and trousers on and then when I dropped him off an hour later just gave his mum his wet clothes in a bag. She didn't seem too happy that he'd had an accident but I didn't think anything of it.

However, she just returned DS's clothes that I had put on her DS and they clearly haven't been washed. Can't help feeling this is a message that I have upset her in some way. Or am I overthinking this?!

If I was her, I would have washed them, but don't overthink it. She probably just didn't want to forget so bagged them up straight away after changing her ds.

Another who'd have kept the piss pants and put them in the next load...I'd have put them to soak in a bucket till the machine was free and then returned them.

Oh my goodness, she's got a newborn, she probably hasn't slept since forever. Don't overthink it!

You both did the realistic minimum. Neither of you should feel slighted or give it headroom. I suspect you are both busy enough without trying to "balance scales" or look for perceived slights.

If she is annoyed at you because he weed himself, she's B really U. Lots of little kids are too shy to let a relative stranger help them with the toilet. Lots of them are really inconsistent with being to tell they need a wee as well, specially somewhere unfamiliar.

You didn't do anything wrong, so if I were you I'd just assume everything is fine until you hear otherwise...

I can't see how she could possibly be annoyed with you for 'allowing' her son to have an accident.

She's not sending you a message, either she's not a laundress par excellence or she's struggling with a newborn. I wouldn't return anything unwashed but... I love laundry.

Don't give it anymore headspace.

Under normal circumstances the convention would be to wash borrowed clothes but of course she wasn't "sending you a message" - she just didn't realise that's what people normally do, or she was distracted or forgot or is struggling (not all newborns are the same, some sleep all the time while others scream unless they're held 24 hours per day, it's an absolute myth that all newborns can be put down to sleep away hours of the day while parents do other things. Equally you don't know how she's recovering physically and mentally.)

She very likely didn't think about the clothes at all until she knew she was going to see you/ nursery day, then grabbed them out of the washing pile to return before she forgot about them.

“has a newborn and is struggling for a break”

I do not think she is ‘sending you a message’.

Full of piss vs not full of piss? Get real

Get real? I've said the same as pretty much everyone else

I honestly wouldn’t have considered any of this at all. I might have washed the wet things if I had had time, I might not. I almost certainly would have washed the replacement clothes, but I wouldn’t think anything of anyone else not washing them. None of this would really register with me. I must go about causing offence left, right and centre without realising it

she has a new born
you are trying to help.
give her a break about the clothes.

You have her dirty clothes and she gave you dirty clothes, she's busy with a newborn. It's a non issue

This.

Plus, as many have pointed out, she has a newborn!

(And by "plus" I mean "this was already covered in the quote I used" 😂😂)

I find it odd that you can be annoyed that she didn't wash the clothes but you didn't wash her clothes . She probably has tons of washing and was a bit pissed off with yet more washing.
I agree it's a non issue move on .

I) I wouldn’t have washed the child’s wet underwear and trousers because I wouldn’t have had the time to do that and dry them in the space of a play date.

2. it would have been nice if she’d washed the underwear you gave her but the trousers I wouldn’t be too bothered about.

That being said, if it were me then I’d have washed it all.

bleu why would you feel you had to give them back on the same day?

Most people would wash and return within a couple of days.

I think she's really struggling with a newborn and a toilet training 3yr old. I think she was pissed you'd given her another job to do (wash the wet clothes, return yours) but the fact that you looked after her other child for a bit (for free) is a much more generous favour, and it's not your fault her child isn't toilet trained yet. You did your best.

I'd have tried to wash them but obviously looking after two 3.5yos isn't easy either!

He must have accidents at pre-school? Mine was late to potty train (3) and I'd get the wet clothes back in the early weeks from Nursery obviously. I always felt guilty they had to deal with it! I just sent lots of spares. Her DS should've had spares.

@BillHadersNewWife if I had been given another child’s pants and trousers and they needed to be returned on the same day then I’d apologise for not being able to wash them. Although I’d think it strange that they needed to be back the same day. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@BillHadersNewWife sorry I misread that. Because I might not see the mother for a while 🤷🏻‍♀️ Who knows? Maybe I would wash them if we were close but my son has had play dates and I may not see them again for a few weeks. Just take the clothes back and wash them. Also I have three kids...I have enough washing to do never mind my playdate’s Washing 😂😂😂

What are some of you on? Washing the wet pants when it was likely only a short time til the boy was going on? That's madness. I wouldn't have washed the wee clothing or expected it washed. Put in a bag and returned to me would have been fine! That's what nursery do.

I think you're overthinking it OP. She was probably just wanting to return the clothing before it got muddled up with her childrens' clothes. Might have been nice to wash them, but not required.

‘She has a newborn’ - does this mean laundry doesn’t get done then?

I would have washed them. I probably wouldn’t have washed her sons clothes as you obviously want to return them when they go home which leaves limited time when you are in sole charge of her child.

Whereas she can return your clothes several days later.

I’m not sure if she’s being snarky but what sort of ridiculous person gets miffed that a parent that looked after your child to give you a break returns his clothes needing to be washed?

She has a newborn, just getting the dishes done is an achievement. I think maybe you are overthinking this

I wouldn't have expected you to wash my child's wet clothes. I would have washed the ones my child borrowed though.

Actual I agree with you. Having a newborn baby doesn't render you incapable.

I was expecting this to be a reverse of yesterday's red pants