Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect these to come back washed?!

85 replies

coffeeforone · 13/02/2020 18:09

Last weekend I invited my 3.5 year old DS's nursery friend (same age) round for a few hours as his mum has a newborn and is struggling for a break. She mentioned when I picked him up that her DS was still potty training so to keep offering him to go to the toilet and he should be ok!

He did keep saying he didn't need to go but was obviously just too distracted playing with DS and by the time I realised he was wet - my bad.

I put some of DS's clean pants and trousers on and then when I dropped him off an hour later just gave his mum his wet clothes in a bag. She didn't seem too happy that he'd had an accident but I didn't think anything of it.

However, she just returned DS's clothes that I had put on her DS and they clearly haven't been washed. Can't help feeling this is a message that I have upset her in some way. Or am I overthinking this?!

OP posts:
Halo1234 · 13/02/2020 18:36

I think she should have washed them and thanked you for having him. She should have apologised that u had to change him and thanked u for lending your ds clothes. Tbh when mine weren't reliably dry I would not have sent them on a playdate with a friends mum. Because it's a lot on the other mum to be on constant toilet reminders and clean up duty. I would have either went with them. Used a pull up for the few hours they were away or waited until they were consistently dry. Think its above and beyond to host a playdate with a potty training child without their parent coming too.
Having said that she maybe just thought, in her newborn tired fog, that they didnt need washed as he only had them on for a short time. Or wanted them back to u straight away so as not to forget to return them. I dont think u should take it personally. Think its thoughtless rather than ment to make a point/be rude.

BeyondMyWits · 13/02/2020 18:42

I would not have washed them, so many kids have so many allergies - including mine - that if someone washed my kids clothes I would wash them again anyhow as I would not know which detergent had been used. Waste of time.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 13/02/2020 18:45

I'd have washed his wet things and expected her to wash your son's spares.
You didn't, so she didn't.

Thinkingabout1t · 13/02/2020 18:46

You couldn't have washed her DS's clothes and got them dried in time to give back, but she should have washed the borrowed clothes. But she may have just been rushed and thought better to return them than risk losing them in the wash with her son's clothes.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 13/02/2020 18:46

But I very much doubt it has any hidden messages.
And I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Arthritica · 13/02/2020 18:49

The lass has a newborn - it's a miracle she's dressed. I'd not think anything about it.

ilovemyrednosedaymug · 13/02/2020 19:10

YABU. I used to hand back borrowed clothes, stating that they haven't been washed, because once they went into laundry mountain, they wouldn't surface again for weeks, or would get mixed up with DC's clothes. At least by returning them instantly unwashed, you got them back again.

I wouldn't have washed the wet clothes either, so don't think YABU to have returned them wet.

Branleuse · 13/02/2020 19:15

god ive lost count of all the weird faux pas I have made like this over the years where an unusual situation i wasnt expecting has occured.

Yeah, it would be better if she had washed them. I very much doubt shes trying to hint anything or send a message. She is probably just not that organised, or didnt want them to get lost

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/02/2020 19:36

Also admit when I saw this thread I thought it might be Red Armani Pants Man.

That makes two of us!

ChickLitLover · 13/02/2020 19:38

I lent him pants and trousers to go home in and never saw them again.

The same happened with a friend of my sons. Except I did see the clothes again, the mum regularly dressed her son in them when our boys played together. She just never mentioned it, I’m guessing she forgot that they were my sons clothes. 😬

Flufferbum · 13/02/2020 19:40

I think she gave you the minging pants because you gave her minging pants. I honestly (not just a MN dickhead moment) would have put a bit of detergent in the sink gave them a good old school wash and dried them, or hung them up. Or I would have just kept them.

GloGirl · 13/02/2020 19:43

Honestly if It was me at that stage I'd have been delighted to have bagged them up ready to have handed over to you. Hope for anything more would be too fanciful and I'd almost certainly lose them and absorb them into the pit of the house.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 13/02/2020 19:44

as his mum has a newborn and is struggling for a break

I think you've written your own answer in the first paragraph TBH. Its easy for me to say yes I would have washed them but I'm not struggling with a newborn!

RedskyAtnight · 13/02/2020 19:50

As someone who reacts to washing powders, I always mindful that a child might have allergies - so I wouldn't wash someone else's clothes unless I'd checked this was ok with the parent first. And generally if you do check with a parent first, they tell you not to bother ...

You are most definitely overthinking - small children (of ages older than 3 and not just ones recently potty trained) have accidents all the time!

CurrynChips · 13/02/2020 19:56

I would have washed them. But equally if she's struggling with a newborn I understand the thinking that she'd rather return them sooner and unwashed than let them go into a laundry mountain and be list for weeks/ possibly forever because she'll forget to separate them out after a wash and her partner will just assume they belong to their child and they'll end up lost to the back of a drawer.

You definitely didn't do anything wrong not washing her son's wet things. Leaving aside the fact that it's definitely not your responsibility and the logistics of getting it done by pick up time, if you were looking after my 3.5 year old I'd much rather you were nearby keeping an eye on them than off somewhere sorting out my laundry.

namechange4eva · 13/02/2020 20:10

I think she should have washed your DS clothes before she sent them back and no I don't think you should have washed hers. You were doing her a favour, she knew he had accidents and should have sent a spare set. Sending back your clothes dirty because she couldn't be bothered sending a change herself is ridiculous. I'm assuming with a young child who has accidents and and a newborn your washing machine is on very regularly (I know mine was) so unless it was within the same day and she didn't have time I find that very odd. You had to clean up after him and change him. If you had time to wash and dry them before the few hours was over then that is a nice gesture but I would imagine you were too busy with kids you were watching. Whether she's annoyed about it or not I don't know but I don't think you did anything wrong.

Rumnraisin · 13/02/2020 20:40

namechange4eva

Exactly!

Surely some gratitude on her side would be the standard response.

Weffiepops · 13/02/2020 21:00

You have her dirty clothes and she gave you dirty clothes, she's busy with a newborn. It's a non issue

KarmaStar · 13/02/2020 21:41

If my washing machine was in use I'd have at least soaked them in a bucket with some detergent before handing them back.

greenlynx · 13/02/2020 22:25

I agree with namechange4eva.
You did nothing wrong, she should have washed your clothes.
And tbh I think she she should have put a pull up on her child for a play date as he’s not fully potty trained yet.

Original poster
coffeeforone · 13/02/2020 23:03

I'm assuming with a young child who has accidents and and a newborn your washing machine is on very regularly

I would assume this too, I was potty training DS1 at the same time DS2 was born (who is now 1 year old) and I remember my washing machine was on constantly!

And I of course had her DS to look after as well as my own two!

OP posts:
keepingbees · 13/02/2020 23:05

I always wash any clothes before handing them back, but she has a newborn so cut her some slack. Plus you also handed her dirty clothes so she probably followed your lead on that one.

managedmis · 13/02/2020 23:07

Of course she should have bloody washed them

managedmis · 13/02/2020 23:08

Plus you also handed her dirty clothes so she probably followed your lead on that one.

^

Full of piss vs not full of piss? Get real

Incontinencesucks · 14/02/2020 03:36

She should have washed them, you lent them as a favour but really should have spare clothes for him too anyway.

You should have washed or at least rinsed hers though. At that age, for some reason, their wee stinks terribly and it's worse the longer its left.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.