AIBU to stop buying yet more uniform when this happens

[Ineedanap90]

Just want a bit of advice as eldest started school in September so I'm new to all this and what is expected/what is normal behaviour.

I bought him Uniform and PE kit with plimsolls. One pair of his school trousers has already been taken by another child after PE..teachers weren't fussed..it was winter and he was sent home in a pair of shorts even though there was a spare pair of trousers in his school bag. I asked for him to please be put in spare trousers if this was to happen but also asked how this happened. According to them my son had gone to the loo and come back to class before getting changed back into school clothes and there wasn't any trousers left. The teacher explained how a pupil must have put them in their bag but admitted they didn't bother to check any of the boys schoolbags to find out where they had gone and just left him in his shorts as it was near the end of the day and sent him home in the cold (childminder collected him, his legs were freezing).

Secondly I bought him a pair of plimsolls the others week. first time using them Tuesday. They sent his PE kit home for washing (though it was still ironed and folded making me wonder what he wore) and the plimsolls were missing. Asked teacher yesterday morning on drop off and again all I got was a shrug and 'another child must have taken them' but they have spares if need be. I asked how this keeps happening and the teacher explained the children are responsible for their property and putting everything away. I agree that they do need to learn how to organise themselves but they are 4 years old (my son is the youngest in the class with some development issues) so surely need some guidance/assistance.

I also send in his wellies in his bag and these also went missing once (they have a wooded area they go into at the back of the school sometimes) again the teacher stated how they just throw them all in a box outside so others can share ..once leaving my son without the use of his own wellies and therefore with very muddy shoes and soaked socks as another pupil had 'got there first' (he had spare socks in his bag but again they didn't change him into them and left him in cold wet socks for the rest of the day)… The wellies were then found outside having been left overnight in the rain. soaked, muddy and torn so needed replacing.

AIBU in thinking to not bother to keep buying more Kit and just let him use the spare plimsolls/trousers and wellies (they have a big box of them) as I buy stuff for my son to wear and they either don't let him wear it or other children keep taking his new clothes and shoes home. I will of course leave the shorts and T shirt for PE and spare trousers, pants and socks in his bag but other than that I'm inclined to not keep replacing kit which they have spares of and that other children keep taking home without returning them.

Also AIBU to complain to the school especially regarding leaving y son in soaked socks or shorts in the winter?

Sorry for the long story but I didn't want to drip feed.

This is not ok. I would buy more wellies and put his name on them in tipex and say to teacher they are not to be shared!

Definitely complain - outrageous you are buying things for your son and he's not even getting to use them. take it to the head - teachers surely have a duty of care, not right that they let him stay in shorts and wet socks because they couldn't be bothered

YANBU. Stuff can go missing, but it's up to staff to help pups stay organised. I have one DD in Yr4, one in Yr2, and the only losses we have had are the odd glove and a couple of cardigans. I find both understandable.. it's easy to pick up someone else's cardigan, and because they look alike the parents might not notice either. (I write the name on the collar in marker pen, but their latest scho has navy jumpers, so it isn't as effective as when they had blue or red) Gloves just get dropped.

Wellies.. personal ones shouldn't be available to borrow. Should be a separate spares box!

They shouldn't be letting other children use named stuff like wellies and that's just laziness because the teacher doesn't want to make sure everyone has got the right stuff on.

You do have to except some losses though. My DD loses about 3 jumpers a year and in year 2 managed to lose a whole uniform including shoes for about 2 months until it turned up.

Yes complain. It sounds excessive. And your responsibility is your son not kitting out the class.

Would it also be worth stitching his name onto the outside of his clothes or perhaps just a yellow/red dot or something so its easy to see which items are his so kids can't steal it

It is the child’s responsibility and it is to be expected that things will be misplaced or lost. We have a lost property box to hunt through and obviously I label everything and we’ve never not found things again. However, it seems like your school also just don’t give a damn. Why would they throw wellies into a shared box? If your son takes wellies to use they are HIS to use. I have heard of a nursery locally that just had a big box of wellies etc for the children to use but it’s all donated wellies not individuals personal items. I’d be pretty annoyed at my 4yr old being sent out in shorts in this weather. What if he’s had a 30min walk home after school?! The wet socks is similarly shocking. I’d give benefit of doubt that teacher wasn’t aware of them and I’d speak to my child about speaking up and asking to change into spare socks etc but given the other information it seems the teacher just didn’t bother.

I’d speak to the teacher first and if similar issues are still occurring take it further. From the home side I’d ensure absolutely everything is clearly labelled including footwear and also speak to your son about sticking his hand up about wet feet or knowing he’s got spare trousers in bag and asking to wear etc (hard at 4 but keep mentioning to him and he’ll pick it up and speak up for himself).

Complain as it's not on, the school are happy to provided an extensive and expensive list of items required but then have no respect for it.
Our school has a class whatsapp group which is very helpful for tracking down lost item, is this something your class has or can you start one?

That's ridiculous. Why are boots thrown into a box for all to share?

Organise a meeting with the head and explain your concerns as the teacher sounds lazy as hell from your description.
What would it have taken to check for a pair of pants so a 4 year old could be warm or let them put spare pants on.
A whole new world it seems.
Are you labelling all the clothes?

Definitely complain! And put labels on all his belongings.

Thank you for your response. I will ask to talk to the headteacher as I label everything and even though I expect to lose some clothing overtime you're right in saying it is not my job to kit out the class. I can't keep affording to replace his clothes and shoes all the time due to the teachers choosing to share his clothes and footwear especially when it means my son is missing out and ending up in soaking wet or inappropriate clothing. Thank you for reassurance, it's always hard knowing when to say something as I'm new to the whole school system and don't want to be over the top but it needs to stop.

Also ensure your son's name is written on absolutely everything, everything!!

our school use to advocate pegs to hold wellies to their twin & name written in marker pen - I was one of those dm who sewed elastic to dcs gloves & threaded through coat I would definitely be having words with ht (politely & "I am concerned because I cant afford this & I really think that loaning my dc's clothes to others is unreasonable & not fair")

How on earth did wellies get torn?!!!
But - YANBU.

I would suggest as well that at this age it is easier for children to come to school in PE tracksuits on PE days, so that time is not lost in getting changed.

Our school did a staged approach - Recpetion - wear PE kit all day, Y1 wear PE kit into school and get changed at the end of the lesson.

I'm not sure. We have lost numerous clothes at school despite everything being labelled and you can't expect the teachers to check 30 children and their belongings every time they change. They'd never have time to do anything else. If they have spares,let him use them be a lot cheaper. With the socks maybe they just didn't see or it was nearly home time.
I do think it's a bit hard to say it's his responsibility at 4 but my daughter's teacher said the same (they probably have to say that or they'd be liable to replace lost items).

My DD’s School put all of the welly boots into a shared box and the children are expected to be able to pick out their own pair. Fortunately my DD will recognise her boots immediately and would probably make a fuss if it if another child tried to take them.
Uniform they leave the children to sort it out themselves, so they are responsible at age 4 for putting their own PE kit back into their own PE bag and picking up the correct jumper or cardigan at the end of the day.
I’m lucky that most of the parents in the class will return anything that does not belong to their child.
To be honest the teachers take very little responsibility for any of this.
That said if it has been raining and the children arrive with wet feet the first thing they do is get the box of spares and change them so they don’t sit in wet clothes all day.
Do you have a class WhatsApp group or something similar that you could reach out to the other parents to ask about the plimsolls etc?
Once I washed my DD’s PE kit, dried it, folded it up and put it back in her PE bag, on the way into school another mum stopped me to give me back my child’s top and ask for hers back... I had no idea we had the wrong one.

Your son's belongings should absolutely not be put in a communal pile for anyone to use! That's outrageous.

However, it's not up to the teachers to check everybody's bag to see if someone picked up some clothes by mistake.

You can only ask other parents if they have seen your belongings.

Sometimes it's worth reminding them. To be honest, most of us don't check the labels daily, so if my kid has someone's else's jumper, I might not notice immediately. Clothes get put in the laundry basket, i don't keep an eye on them at all time.

they just throw them all in a box outside so others can share ..once leaving my son without the use of his own wellies... as another pupil had 'got there first'

I am sorry but that is fucking outrageous. This sort of thing infuriates me . I buy kit for my own children to use, not some other fucker whose useless parents can no doubt not be bothered to provide the right kit (can you tell that this has happened to me also).

It’s a bit slack of the teachers to just leave such small children to shift for themselves in this manner. They need more help and supervision when they are still only 4. It should be made clear to the children and parents that they correct kit is needed and if you don't have it, you ask the teacher if there are any spares, not just steal someone else’s! I would go to the HOY or even the head about this.

Which county are you in? This sounds exactly like my DC's school and it drives me absolutely crazy!! I've never known a school as bad as this for just shrugging their shoulders and not taking responsibility for their class. One girl went home in just her tights - no skirt - twice even though PE was in the morning and it gave them the whole afternoon to look through PE bags to see where it had disappeared to. It's only a really small class too so there are no excuses for this. It seriously makes my blood boil!

They sound like a very disorganised and horribly run school. The wellies just thrown in a giant box for a free for all is completely unacceptable. Your son being sent home in shorts...also unacceptable.
The teachers turning a blind eye to budding thieves stealing other children’s clothes also not acceptable.
The schools my children went to would track even what was in every packed lunch and they ensured the children learned that sharing has to be with permission if the owner and just taking something that was not yours was stealing. Your school seems really strange. I’d worry that they are taking the same who cares attitude towards the academic side of things.

I’d definitely complain, but if the whole school is so poorly run you may want to consider moving him to a different school.

It's true that it's to be expected that KS1 get a bit muddled sometimes. The occasional sock / jumper I'd not be too cross about. The teacher's attitude here isn't on and comes across like they can't be bothered to facilitate responsibility. Children learn from the adults so if the teachrr us showing they can't be bothered, everyone helps themselves etc then that not helping the children to learn responsibility.

I'd have expected something like explicitly teaching where they put their clothes when getting changed, a reminder as getting back changed to check their jumper etc.

YANBU. MY DS's is terrible for things being 'lost' and never recovered it drives me nuts. Since September.

A lunch box, complete with bottle and various boxes lost the first time it went into school never to return?? .

School cardigan embroidered with school name lost first week, never returned. Name tag sewn in and embroidered.

4 x drinks bottles??

PE sports trousers again first week never returned, name embroidered.

My DS will not take hat or gloves because previous year when sent with either they are lost on the first day never to return???Probably lost 3 hats and 4 pairs of gloves.

It fucks me off!

I really won't waste the headteacher's time with something like this. Children need to take responsibility for their own belongings - it's just not possible for a class teacher to provide the kind of supervision that you seem to think is necessary.

Oh I'd not be happy neither. I get so frustrated with this type of thing with my kids. Thankfully as they get older they get better at keeping hold of their own things. But like you I was just told, its not the teachers job, the children need to look after themselves. I found it hard getting that through to my son who had only just turned 4 a few days before starting school. I for one never buy the official school uniform anymore - I'm not paying the price for it to go missing. They wear plain, un-logoed versions of the uniform which are a fraction of the price.

Erm if named then people are obviously taking things home and not bringing them back? Who takes a lunch box home and opens it realises it's not their child's and then keeps it? In fact this lunch box was an expensive present not used by older DS so years old and not in shops so I presume a child liked the look of it and took it home and the parent's just kept it.