AIBU to stop buying yet more uniform when this happens

[Ineedanap90]

Just want a bit of advice as eldest started school in September so I'm new to all this and what is expected/what is normal behaviour.

I bought him Uniform and PE kit with plimsolls. One pair of his school trousers has already been taken by another child after PE..teachers weren't fussed..it was winter and he was sent home in a pair of shorts even though there was a spare pair of trousers in his school bag. I asked for him to please be put in spare trousers if this was to happen but also asked how this happened. According to them my son had gone to the loo and come back to class before getting changed back into school clothes and there wasn't any trousers left. The teacher explained how a pupil must have put them in their bag but admitted they didn't bother to check any of the boys schoolbags to find out where they had gone and just left him in his shorts as it was near the end of the day and sent him home in the cold (childminder collected him, his legs were freezing).

Secondly I bought him a pair of plimsolls the others week. first time using them Tuesday. They sent his PE kit home for washing (though it was still ironed and folded making me wonder what he wore) and the plimsolls were missing. Asked teacher yesterday morning on drop off and again all I got was a shrug and 'another child must have taken them' but they have spares if need be. I asked how this keeps happening and the teacher explained the children are responsible for their property and putting everything away. I agree that they do need to learn how to organise themselves but they are 4 years old (my son is the youngest in the class with some development issues) so surely need some guidance/assistance.

I also send in his wellies in his bag and these also went missing once (they have a wooded area they go into at the back of the school sometimes) again the teacher stated how they just throw them all in a box outside so others can share ..once leaving my son without the use of his own wellies and therefore with very muddy shoes and soaked socks as another pupil had 'got there first' (he had spare socks in his bag but again they didn't change him into them and left him in cold wet socks for the rest of the day)… The wellies were then found outside having been left overnight in the rain. soaked, muddy and torn so needed replacing.

AIBU in thinking to not bother to keep buying more Kit and just let him use the spare plimsolls/trousers and wellies (they have a big box of them) as I buy stuff for my son to wear and they either don't let him wear it or other children keep taking his new clothes and shoes home. I will of course leave the shorts and T shirt for PE and spare trousers, pants and socks in his bag but other than that I'm inclined to not keep replacing kit which they have spares of and that other children keep taking home without returning them.

Also AIBU to complain to the school especially regarding leaving y son in soaked socks or shorts in the winter?

Sorry for the long story but I didn't want to drip feed.

www.wish.com/product/5e0ff5f65162b21f9a0b2d3f?from_ad=goog_shopping&_display_country_code=ES&force_currency_code=EUR&pid=googleadwords_int&c=%7BcampaignId%7D&ad_cid=5e0ff5f65162b21f9a0b2d3f&ad_cc=ES&ad_curr=EUR&ad_price=3.00&campaign_id=9044277795&gclid=CjwKCAiAhJTyBRAvEiwAln2qB5A9ZcNT0f7v3wQWxmfj-fIqbtfe05t_vmVV4xjmzYAlcnvJJeZIBoC6uQQAvD_BwE&hide_login_modal=true I’d get a gps tracker

See everyone always blames the kids and yes occasionally they lose things

My dd is pretty ditzy but still, she knew her spots on the carpet and exactly where she stood to get changed and where she placed her clothes from day 1 at school.

If they are getting changed for pe theres not room to wander round the classroom dropping items in various spots. Their trousers or jumper etc would be with the rest of the clothes. Ask yourself why it is its jumpers that cost 15 quid a go that go missing and not a random sock. It's always the expensive stuff. The nice stuff. The polo shirt with the ketchup stain and a button missing miraculously makes.it to.lost property boxes.

Stuff doesnt just vanish into thin air. If its left behind it's in lost property.

I think alot more stuff is stolen than people care to admit.

That’s awful, definitely take it further

Children need to take responsibility for their own belongings - it's just not possible for a class teacher to provide the kind of supervision that you seem to think is necessary
How are 4/5 year olds meant to take responsibility for their items when the teacher is telling them it's totally fine to throw their wellies into a communal pile?

At 4/5 I wouldn't be expecting micromanagement from the teacher, but I would be expecting them to have clear routines for getting changed (just like they will have going for lunch, coming in from playtime, end of the day etc).

It's not unreasonable to expect a teacher to say when we get changed:

• we put our clothes neatly in our place so our pile doesn't touch anyone else's
• we only touch our own clothes

I've found that a class parent whataspp group is essential for this kind of stuff. Ours is full of parents trying to track down lost items. Thankfully a lot of parents in our group seem honest and will post a picture in the group of an item their child has come home with that doesn't belong to them.

Unfortunately teachers don't have time to track every item but I do wonder about their organisation. When DS gets changed they put everything in their bags as they do so.

I have no doubt that some theft happens as well. Uniform is expensive.

YANBU. This used to annoy the hell out of me when my kids were in primary school. Most times it was a mistake and the correct items were returned and swapped.

On one occasion, at the very start of Year 2, my son's brand new school sweatshirt went missing on the very first day that he wore it. It'd been with warm and he'd been told by the teacher to put it on his peg in the corridor if he didn't want to wear it and when he came to get it at the end of the day their was a skanky old washed out one in it's place. My son's was labelled in two places (a sewn in label and his name written in laundry pen on the size tag) but the one he'd been left with wasn't.

When he went to school camp in Year 6 he brought home a pair of joggers in age 5-6, obviously belonging to someone else as he was 11. I washed them and returned them but his were never sent back into school.

@HmmIsThisAGoodIdea Im in the South east? it's awful isn't it? poor little girl. Its so frustrating.

@CoraPirbright - It makes me so angry where other parents do not bother bringing the stuff back. My sons clothes are clearly labelled. There is no whats app group either. im seriously considering going to HOY as you advised hes only in reception its teaching him its okay to steal when its not.

@JosefKeller I agree its not the teachers job to check each bag as you say. However, when it came to the time my son was left with no trousers whatsoever and left in shorts in winter i expect them to make an exception to this rule.

@Rosebel @Molly2017 Regarding the wellies and the share box the other wellies are donated ones and not personal ones therefore unless the kids 'get there first' they have to wear their shoes as there are not enough wellies to go around...which is why i send my sons own ones clearly labelled in his bag..the school then decided just to add his to the box as its easier than sending him to his bag to collect them slowing everyone down and as he 'wasn't quick enough' (their turn of phrase which they then found funny..maybe to make light of the situation??) he was left to go into the wooded area in his school shoes which is how he got soaked socks as well as dirty scuffed shoes. After the trouser incident i mentioned again (i had told them previously he had spares as they had this on the list of required supplies for school sent out before they started) that he had spare trousers, socks and pants in his schoolbag at all times..but yet again they ignored it.

I have told my son the importance of telling the teacher when someone else is using his wellies and if he needs a change of clothes. he said he told the teacher he has wet socks but they said he would have to wait until he was home. wellies became torn/split between the sole and and side so had a small hole meaning they would need replacing ..seems like they have dragged the wellies across the ground in the woods? cant be 100% sure it wasn't a massive tear but and hole would defeat the purpose of the wellies. Having written this out i'm becoming more sure that this isn't on. its a shame there isn't a parents group on Whatsapp ..the parents never talk to each other it seems. More of a drop off/ pick up and leave quickly scenario i guess.

I'd ask them what they would do if you sent your child to school in shorts and wet socks in the middle of winter

My children’s school is really hot on lost items... if something goes missing then a message is sent out to all parents asking them to check their child’s belongings and return ASAP if they have something that isn’t theirs. I have one in year 1 and one in reception and have had nothing go missing so far... a couple of mislaid items (for example a pair of tights after PE) were returned the following day as the teacher went through everyone’s PE bags to find them.
I would be pretty annoyed if no effort was made to reunite lost items with their owners.

YANBU. I’m a nursery teacher and we spend weeks learning how to get changed and redressed in an organised way before PE to stop things like this happening. Takes a bit of patience and practice but over the years I’ve had so many thanks from parents as things never go missing and the children also start doing it at home! Seems like the teacher is just letting it be a free for all when changing. You don’t have to look through 30 bags to find missing items if your class knows how to change properly and keep their own pile of clothes, etc.

How hard is it for a teacher to ask the kids to check if they have an extra pair of trousers in their bag and to check the area around them?

Ignoring this is potentially condoning theft or bullying at worst and at best setting a poor example and failing to teach life skills.

Ignoring this is potentially condoning theft or bullying at worst and at best setting a poor example and failing to teach life skills.

you do realise they are 4 years old...

If your child has developmental delays then the school should be putting things in place to assist them with things they’re not yet able to do themselves. If they don’t think they can meet the child’s needs then they should be going on record as saying so, and seeking advice from the local authority.

It’s about a lot more than missing stuff, what else are they not supporting the child with, which is less visible than missing clothing?

is this linked to having less teachers assistants in infants to help & the teacher of 4 year olds having up to 30 small dc? & this is wrong on all levels

My dd was always missing stuff and couldn’t find it. In the end I just went in the classroom at drop off and looked and most of the time found the missing thing!
Is there a class or school fb parents group? People always post on ours about missing stuff and it gets returned.

If things are named then the patents of whichever child has taken it home should be giving it back!

When my dd was in reception she had brought numerous bits home that wasn't hers. Cardigans were a favourite. She would always have someone elses cardigan in her bag. The good thing about our school is they have a parents facebook page. So if my dd had someone else cardigan and it had a name in it I would post "my daughter has brought jane doe's cardigan home. I will hand it in in the morning." Problem solved. I had it with a lunchbox too. Even though they're named my dd and another girl had the same lunch box and they got mixed up. The welly situation I don't get. Can you not tell him to keep wellies in his bag and hes to go get them when he needs them then they go back into his bag? If his teacher has an issue with it tell her why

I don’t put those fancy embroidered labels in my kids clothes anymore because I think people rip them out and keep the item; we’ve lost cardigans, duffel coats and blazers all clearly named before, all school branded so expensive. Now I write all over the insides in Permanent marker.

My daughter once got taken ill on a school trip and ended up in hospital with pneumonia. She’d been wearing her wellies so her brand new trainers were Left at school for a week. When she got back into school they were gone. They were missing for weeks, I sent emails to the school and they cleared out the lockers over half term and no sign. Eventually sent a shitty message to the year WhatsApp group and like and behold they ‘appeared’ in the school office the very next day. This is a prep school too so the parents aren’t skint, just cheeky!

Put a name tag (large one) on the front of his PE shirt, and the bottom front part of his PE shirts. That will solve many of your problems. Shoes - initials on the toe of the shoe. Label everything and it cannot go missing. It CAN be stolen - which is then the situation if it disappears.

Sorry YANBU and you should definitely find a way to ask around the other parents

My son lost his trousers last year following PE. We have a school Facebook group and the cleaner saw the message and found the trousers. The cleaner there is very good and finds a lot of missing property. Another time the PE pumps were lost for weeks, I asked to come into the classroom and found them in a massive box of PE pumps.

YANBU at all.

I do find it slightly baffling though that parents are seemingly quite alright and actually expect multiple items of clothing to go missing. I’ve had one school jumper go missing over three kids from reception all the way to Y6. I wouldn’t say they’re particularly careful!

As it happens our school is excellent in terms of not forcing you to buy branded anything, and they provide PE kits. But still.

It sounds extreme - still, label everything in permanent, huge letters on the outside. Otherwise it will disappear. Especially things like pe kit and wellies - permanent marker and sew in tape on the outside in big letters. Coats: massive label plus permanent marker in the back.

Are you absolutely sure there is no social media group for the parents? my children had been at the school for two years before I found the closed Facebook group.

Thank you for extra ideas I go write in permanent marker and also had labels attached so they cant be mixed up its so sad and frustrating that other parents are happy to keep these extra clothes I shouldn't have to worry about everything going missing. with regards to the wellies in the box I asked why he cant just go and collect them before going out...they said it will take too long (don't see how as his peg isn't far from the classroom. They have reluctantly started putting them in his bag since i had to buy new ones and I kept on about it but I have to remind them.

Regarding classroom assistance they have 1 teacher and 2 sometimes 3 TAs for 30 pupils so not restricted. My son has delayed speech though he is improving greatly Also a SEN teacher in the school has been brought on board as there is a possibility of ADHD though not confirmed. Regardless of those things I don't think its unreasonable to respect my sons property and not allow others to use them. As someone asked how would the school react if I sent him to school in wet socks and shorts in the winter?

This has happened to us before numerous times with both childrens pe kits. Both have had leggings and house t shirts taken home by others (which are coloured according to which house they're in, and personalised with their names on the front. So pretty much useless to anyone else!) We managed to get all items back by my girls watching people dress for pe the following week and saying, that's mine! And asking the teacher to check for name tags. Seriously loads of kids pick up what evers nearby and pop it into their bag! Drives me up the wall.