How to get DH to understand

[frillseeking]

DH said he'd be home tonight in time for bed time but he messaged saying he was stuck in office and would be home later than planned as he'd had clients in. Kept messaging saying sorry won't be much longer but not answering the phone. Long story short he's still not home as turns out he went via the pub. Surprise surprise. DD1 has been ill this week and teething badly so hard work and hardly any sleep for me and I'm due next month with DC2 so I really rely on him for help in the evenings at the moment. I got upset on the phone and he's coming straight home but he's got form for this. When I make plans, I make them in advance and obviously let him know/ check he can get back from work etc so I feel it's massively unfair just to decide on the spur of the moment that you're off to the pub because it's not like I have a choice is it? I'm just stuck here waiting for him to come home. How can I eloquently explain this without getting upset/losing my rag?

Client entertainment in the evening tends to be unusual unless they’ve flown in from somewhere or it’s a pre-booked event (in the calendar weeks/months before). Usually dinner, not in the pub. More often than not, lunch rather than dinner. Entertaining budgets have been slashed - even in the big banks

really? Can I give you my client list so you can tell them about it? They've seem to have missed the memo.

He does understand op he just doesnt care-all the lieing and the apologies like you say if he meant it he wouldnt do it anymore

Yanbu hes taking the piss.

Maybe I should just fuck off out as soon as he gets home on Friday though, discuss what we're having for dinner, talk about doing bath and bed and then surprise! I decided spontaneously to go out.

I would absolutely do this, OP. Book yourself a hotel for the night, too and get a good nights sleep. Then send him texts throughout the night, “be home in 10 mins”... “just leaving now”

I can't fathom the mindset of a bloke who'd prefer to be in the pub than with his family. He's selfish and absolutely taking the piss.

You have an alcoholic partner-ALCOHOLICS don't change unless they WANT to. Prepare to be a single parent until when and IF he gets sober

You mind yourself OP.

Unfortunately you are with someone whom can't be trusted.

Don't give up work.
Tell your family.
Have a nest egg.
Sort your contraception.
Protect yourself.

He's never going to be reliable.
Accept that and protect yourself.

'Should have asked if it was OK'

And my response to this would be that I am not his fucking mother. HE needs to have a think about whether doing what he does, repeatedly, is the right thing for his family. Asking permission simply shifts the problem on to you. How deeply unattractive.

That's spot on baol, and yes it is deeply unattractive

He's avoiding the issue.

His first tactic is to apologise and agree that it's unacceptable - which you've called him on.

His second tactic is to apologise again and say that he should have asked you first - which you've called him on.

I suspect this third tactic will be to get very defensive and angry when it becomes apparent that tactics one and two have failed. He'll hope that by lashing out it will discourage you from pursuing this, because he doesn't actually want to do any hard work or face up to the fact that he's a liar with a drink problem.

Don't back down.

Who / which sector Josef? Maybe DH & I are/ was in the sleepy backwater of fund management.

Commiserations - there’s nothing like a long day, followed by a shitty evening ‘meeting’, followed by the commute home.

I am in recruitment in the financial sector. Sales must be one of the worst areas for bloody "client anything! Actually no, in PR it's probably part of the chore hours.