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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect teens to understand meal planning/prep?

89 replies

britinnyc · 12/02/2020 07:32

I know someone posted similar about their DH last week but I am having an issue with my hungry son. We have a busy week in my house with nights where no one is home for dinner at the same time. I attempted to be organized and prep some dinners so we can heat and eat stuff as we are in and out. My teen DS has football practice at dinner time on Tuesday so he typically eats two small meals of sandwiches etc. because he doesn't want to eat a lot before and when he gets home at 9:30 he doesn't want a big meal.

Tonight I was out at a meeting so just DH was home and I came back to find that DS ate almost all of the meal I have prepared for tomorrow. I won;;t be home till 7 or later tomorrow and DH has to go out for something before that so I really wanted to have food we could all eat on our schedule. I don't have time to shop for more food tomorrow. DH thinks IBU as DS is a growing boy. I think DS should have figured out something else to eat, they both knew it was tomorrow's dinner. I'm pretty sure DH helped eat it and the dog may have benefited too. I know the kids are going to be complaining there is nothing for dinner tomorrow and DH is a terrible cook so isn't going to help matters. I fear this is only going to get worse as DS is only 13 and my other DS is 11 so they are both going to get hungrier. Do I give up and accept that meal planning is a waste and I am going to constantly have to buy more food than I ever could imagine???

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 12/02/2020 10:04

At 5’10” at 13, I hope he’s already hit that growth spurt.Grin

DS1 though didn’t seem to eat much extra at all, though he was not as sporty.

Waveysnail · 12/02/2020 10:04

I'd be cross if they knew it was for tomorrow. My dad was awful for this in the end mum labelled shelves in fridge for stuff that could be eaten freely and another for meals during the week. After couple of meals of sandwiches or just salad leaves, Dad got the msg

Pegsinarow · 12/02/2020 10:09

YABU. The lad is doing sport and should have a proper meal. By all means your dh and teens should help with the planning and prep though.

DateNovice · 12/02/2020 10:10

All the people in your house are old enough to be able to cook and fend for themselves (DC the basics)

The problem is that they are expecting you to wait on them all hand and foot. You might like doing this usually in which case your rules are that they don’t touch the food that is for dinner. If you don’t like doing this then I would go and buy a steak for yourself and cook dinner for one, for you. Time to say tough shit, you can make your own, put your foot down, they won’t forget next time.

Why are your family only expecting you to make dinner? DH was home when steaks were eaten, why did he not prepare something different. It seems the house falls apart when you are not there which means you are restricted. Foot down and don’t let them take the piss!

Weenurse · 12/02/2020 10:10

I used to leave the meal plan on the counter with the plan for the week and recipes in the folder as well so everyone knew what was planned.
I also left money in the tin on the counter for bread, milk etc so if DC had to shop, they had money.
So if stuff was eaten, it could be replaced or substituted

Lweji · 12/02/2020 10:12

For this particular issue, if you don't have time to shop for food, then your DH or your DS will have to. Or order take away.

But I think YABU not to have a stock of food that you can prepare meals from for at least three days at home.
Or if you really want pre-prepared food, then don't make one two days in advance. Have a decent amount that anyone can feed from.

Also, cold steak? Why? Fine if left overs, but steak is not the best to prepare in advance. It gets too dry.

Lweji · 12/02/2020 10:14

The other thing is that, IME, you can't predict how hungry they'll be. My DS can eat a smallish amount one day and a lot the next.
Always prepare more than you think you'll need.

Notajogger · 12/02/2020 10:16

They need to learn to cook asap. All of them! This shouldn't be your problem and it seems DH is making things worse.

Have a meal plan on a magnetic white board or similar so everyone knows what is for when.

And they can sort dinner tonight seeing as they already ate it. Do not cave in and rescue them!!

Ponoka7 · 12/02/2020 10:22

You need to get your children cooking. Your DS should be involved in his meal plans.

Both he and your DH should be able to cook steak. Your DH won't improve unless he gets practice and he and DS put up with the effort.

You've set yourself up to be responsible for all of this when you aren't even home.

The pasta bakes are a good idea. Or just a bowl of tuna pasta. So are things like boiled eggs. Go onto sports training websites with your DS and pick some stuff out.

You need to have it out with DH, he needs to step up. If he eats what's in, he gets over the cost of a takeaway. Or he goes to the shop.

OlaEliza · 12/02/2020 10:24

YANBU, unless you have not taught them how to cook with the sort of stuff that was in the fridge

Presumably the DH is an adult too.

Barbarella1 · 12/02/2020 10:27

Get yourself and youngest DS something for tonight and let you’re DS sort out the other DS.

It’s very rude and inconsiderate to eat the meal you made for tonight If there was other alternatives. Id stop cooking food ahead of time and tell your DH he responsible for 50% of meals. your DH is treating you like the hired help.

LannieDuck · 12/02/2020 10:32

Your DH needs to get more involved. Even if it is just beans on toast or pasta/pesto, or jacket potatoes with cheese.

Get him to do the meals for tonight, since you already made them once and he gave the 'ok' for them to be eaten yesterday. Seems fair that he replaces them.

But definitely share the load a bit more. Aren't your boys old enough to learn how to cook a few simple things too?

Blackandgreenteas · 12/02/2020 10:55

Your husband should have made him something or he should have made it himself, not eaten the thing you’d prepared to save you time the next day.

He or dh will have to cook today then.

Blackandgreenteas · 12/02/2020 10:56

Oh yes and my 11 yo is cooking so your older teen can too!

FrangipaniBlue · 12/02/2020 10:57

I can't understand why people are saying the OP is unreasonable.....

The way I read it was that while she was out last night, rather than between them make something to eat from the plenty of food that was in the house, her DH and DS instead chose the lazy option of eating the meal she had pre-prepared for tonight, knowing that a) it was for tonight and b) the OP isn't going to be home until after 7pm tonight so has limited time/opportunity to make an alternative?

I don't think she is being unreasonable, I think she lives with a couple of lazy, selfish males who take her for granted and tonight in her shoes, I'd be making something for me alone and they could sort them flipping selves out or go hungry!!

FrangipaniBlue · 12/02/2020 11:00

and as for those saying the OP should've left something more than a sandwich for her DS.... HER DH WAS IN THE HOUSE!!! Why couldn't he sort DS something?

Fucking hell no wonder there are so many useless men in MN world with all the bloody apologists on this thread putting responsibility for feeding the children on the woman Confused

Nat6999 · 12/02/2020 11:11

Couldn't you have left money for your ds to pick up a takeaway on his way home? Once a week wouldn't hurt, he has been burning calories playing football & will probably be starving, collecting a takeaway on his way home means he can eat as soon as he gets in & most likely won't have many more calories than a pile of sandwiches. If you aren't prepared to have lots of suitable snack type foods in & keep on restricting what foods he can eat on late nights, this could be your only answer.

Mintjulia · 12/02/2020 11:17

I keep a stock of food that can be cooked quickly from frozen.
Ds (11) knows to turn on the oven, put frozen pizza in oven, set timer. take out 11 minutes later.
The same with sausage rolls, & fish and chips.

He knows I wouldn’t forgive him if he ate tonight’s carefully prepared chicken pie. Smile

Glitteryone · 12/02/2020 11:37

Sounds like he needs more food. I think YABU to be annoyed with him for eating the the meal that was there when he got home.

SinkGirl · 12/02/2020 12:21

My sister and I were coming home from school and cooking our own dinner together at 11 and 8. Your DS and DH should be capable between them of throwing a bloody meal together, I’m amazed that people are criticising you for having the temerity to expect them to cook something from the food in your kitchen rather than eat a meal that they know you’ve prepared for the following day!

Shosha1 · 12/02/2020 12:29

DS could eat me out of house and home. I used to make homemade soup. Tomato and chorizo was a favourite. Kept in the fridge he was allowed to take as much as he liked after school. He would have it with bread. Woukd keep him going till I hot in front work.

RedskyAtnight · 12/02/2020 12:30

We have a whiteboard in the kitchen.

On it I write a list of things that need eating up (going past best befores etc).

I also write DO NOT EAT THE STEAK (or whatever) in big red letters.

And then I stick a label on the steak plate saying "DO NOT EAT".

IME there is a mismatch between "knowing" that steak is for tea tomorrow and working out today, that you perhaps shouldn't eat the steak.

We also have "snack" food that is available for everyone to eat.

gamerchick · 12/02/2020 13:13

The way I read it was that while she was out last night, rather than between them make something to eat from the plenty of food that was in the house, her DH and DS instead chose the lazy option of eating the meal she had pre-prepared for tonight, knowing that a) it was for tonight and b) the OP isn't going to be home until after 7pm tonight so has limited time/opportunity to make an alternative?

I don't think she is being unreasonable, I think she lives with a couple of lazy, selfish males who take her for granted and tonight in her shoes, I'd be making something for me alone and they could sort them flipping selves out or go hungry!!

Absolutely!

Still I'm not surprised, there seems to be a common theme on here that kids get their arses wiped until adulthood and seemingly husbands as well Hmm

The onus isn't on the OP. The only blame lying at that particular door is the enabling lazy people with a penis.

quirrels · 12/02/2020 13:28

If you are on a very tight budget then I have some sympathy but otherwise I don't get the concept of not having food in the house. I could feed four adults for a month, admittedly we would soon run out of fresh fruit and veg but there would be food.
Having said that I have always allowed DC to get their own meals apart from evening meal which we all eat together. When they were at the unfillable teenage boy stage I kept plenty of suitably filling snacks in or they just ate toast. At 11 and 13 those boys are going to have super human appetites for some years to come. Mine were around 20 before they started to have normal adult appetites.

averythinline · 12/02/2020 13:39

You have a dh problem .. if he can hold down a job he can understand meal plan..

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