I am a witness to bullying

[STANTER]

And I don't know what to do. Currently sat at work listening to everyone bitch about a lovely woman that I work with, and it's not called for. It's cruel and very clearly stems from jealousy. I've started documenting everything but don't really know what to do. How do I raise this without coming across as a shit stirrer? It's awful to listen to and even the managers sit and listen to it without saying anything. Help...

What arseholes. Can you do a lighthearted ‘you guys, stop being mean!’ As you’re passing or something? My in laws are often nasty about a family member and I started doing this, it started as lighthearted and I do it in a sort of maternal-chastising way, just saying something like “oh don’t be so mean” and then moving on. But over time I’ve built it up and they don’t do it around me so much anymore, because they always get rebuffed straight away.
Shit situation though - are there any higher managers or HR you could escalate it to? It’s super unprofessional office conduct!

Go straight to HR, ask them to address it anonymously and be there for the person being bullied. You seem like a lovely person OP x

Technically I am not sure that is bullying. Having said that it is unpleasant and clearly there is something wrong in your workplace. Do you have a line manager you could raise your concerns with?

I had a colleague once say, "I hope you don't talk about ME that way when I'M not around." It was effective.

What I mean there is, is it bullying if the recipient is unaware and unaffected by it. You could speak up yourself. Tell them that the direction of the conversation is inappropriate and mean and to pack it in?

@guacamole it is definitely bullying. It's constant. As soon as she walks out the door. Then when she comes back in they all hush each other. She knows it too. It's awful.

I had a colleague once say, "I hope you don't talk about ME that way when I'M not around." It was effective

This is good.

If this was in my office I’d take some one coming to see our HR to report bullying very serious

Okay... that’s different then. Speak to her and ask her if she would like your support to take it further.

If she knows about it, show her your support

Showing her support and offering to verify her complaint if she wants to make one.

You could record it in the office if you'd like to give HR a flavour of it.

Sounds like a horrible environment.

Very poor that there are managers witnessing it and not slapping it down.

If you witness it and don't report you are complicit. Escalate it to a senior manager.

Can you talk to a manager who is likely to be sympathetic to see if they would support you in closing this down?

Apart from anything else, how much work are these idiots getting done whilst they're busy bitching? And isn't it the job of managers to keep them working?

Talk to this poor woman and then support her if she chooses to take this further .
I honestly can’t believe how childish and nasty some adults are

I absolutely feel complicit at the moment. It's terrible.

Would you feel comfortable calling them out on it? Perhaps saying something like "are we all back in school?".

If not, I'd go higher than the manager.

I've contacted my HR to see if I can get the details of their HR (sorry totally forgot to mention we both work for separate organisations (but both under sane bracket of work so not entirely separate)

That sounds like a good course of action.

Good on you for taking action. Hopefully their HR have proper policy and process in place to deal this this.

Ask about their dignity at work policy. I sometimes work in a satellite office where this kind of name calling and disparaging comments are quite often said in ear shot of a manager. Every time I hear it I remind them of dignity at work, I’ve even said to someone they are breaching my dignity at work as I shouldn’t have to hear it.

I’m not sure they take me seriously but I think they know me well enough to believe I would report something. It doesn’t take long for the atmosphere to become toxic in these situations. They do have another manager who won’t tolerate it and the difference is clear when he sits in the main office.

It's already toxic. I don't even see how it would ever change. I really want to report it anonymously as I haven't been here long and I fear that if they know it's me, they'll just stop doing it in front of me and I'll fall victim to it too.

Perhaps make a point of telling her you like her?

A friend who was very well liked successfully shut it down by saying "Oh God, please don't. I really like her and I feel terrible." She was high in the pecking order though. I liked her even more after she did that.

I was on the receiving end of behaviour like this from someone in 2017

What meant a lot at the time was a fellow colleague, giving me knowing looks and passing minor comments, that let me know that she had my back.

What a horrible situation for you (and her). Please do something. Bullies get away with their behaviour when others around them do nothing. I think speaking to their HR is a good idea. The problem with getting the victims permission first is that they often don't want to make trouble and try and minimise the situation instead. What would you like to happen if the victim was you?

Record it