I am a witness to bullying

[STANTER]

And I don't know what to do. Currently sat at work listening to everyone bitch about a lovely woman that I work with, and it's not called for. It's cruel and very clearly stems from jealousy. I've started documenting everything but don't really know what to do. How do I raise this without coming across as a shit stirrer? It's awful to listen to and even the managers sit and listen to it without saying anything. Help...

How horrible

Could you discuss it with her, and see what she wants to do about it? You'd have to be prepared to come forward though...

Poor thing. Yes go to HR, I wouldn’t bother trying to deal with them.

Have u spoken to the lady being bullied? Definitely go 2 HR

Why are people like this.

I hope HR is helpful.

Call them out on it?

I don't understand how anyone can sit back and say nothing. Shut them down if they talk about her and report it to HR.

I wouldn't think much of a manager that tolerated this.

I really wish I'd called out a former colleague when I'd had the chance too. I'm ashamed to say I bottled. My main fear is that she'd start on me. That was so wrong. She eventually did get pulled up for bullying but I should've spoken up. It's something I regret and I hope if I ever witness something like that again I will speak. Hope I don't though because it's awful. Why can't people just get on with their work without making others lives difficult?

If you go to HR you’ll be doing her a big favour. It means when she makes a complaint (and she should) there is evidence on her side.

This will be more helpful than asking them to stop as they’d probably just do it when you’re not around, and maybe include you.

I have been in a similar situation when I first started in my current job - people standing around being awful about another colleague, I said "that's not very nice" and they looked horrified! They didn't do it around me any more but I suspect it still went on. Report them to a manager it's the right thing to do.

It is horrible behaviour, though if management is aware I'm not sure how you can play it.
I work with a lady who sticks to the script works, works hard, she is very kind, talks to much, she's near 30 stone. She is the butt of everyone's joke. I worked in the main office last night there was at least an hour of horrible bitching about her.
I said twice it wasn't very nice, I don't believe it's true etc. Wasting my breath.
Management are arsehole bullies too if you don't stand up for yourself.

If you go to HR you’ll be doing her a big favour. It means when she makes a complaint (and she should) there is evidence on her side
HR is mainly there to protect the company, if management already allow it you'll be labelled as a whistle blower.
Is she aware of it.

Ime Evidence of bullying has been useful even when management condone it. Actually it was management in one case.

That's awful and you sound really nice.

I think you should speak to her - not stirring or repeating anything awful, but just to say you've noticed there's an atmosphere and you think it's really unkind and uncalled for as you think she's lovely. As you say, she will have noticed. I think just knowing that a) someone else has noticed so she's not being crazy/paranoid and b) someone else says she's nice and it's not her fault, will make her feel loads better.

I was once bullied by a horrible woman and my manager was complicit in it. I was quite junior and really took it to heart. After one awful meeting, two colleagues from a different department who had been present at the meeting saw me crying after and took me for coffee and said how awful her behaviour was. They didn't do anything formal and I didn't ask them to, but just hearing that the fault didn't lie with me made all the difference.

HR is mainly there to protect the company, if management already allow it you'll be labelled as a whistle blower.

Why do people insist on saying this nonsense. The only way HR can protect a company is to deal with any issues, such as bullying in a fair and even handed manner. I’ve had to go to HR in the past and found them to be extremely helpful, so please stop trying to scare the OP off.

Is she aware of it.

If they’re being this nasty about her, you can be sure she’s heard at least one nasty comment made about her. Even if she hasn’t, it’s obvious when you’ve been talked about. You sound like someone who thinks it’s acceptable to be nasty about someone, so long as they don’t hear you.

You sound like someone who thinks it’s acceptable to be nasty about someone, so long as they don’t hear you How do you come to that conclusion. Did you read my posts on the thread. How dare you.

Is she aware of it.
People who do this are kidding themselves if they think their victim doesn't know; the whispering stops when you walk in the room, there are shared looks that exclude you and a nasty atmosphere.
If you want to have any dignity you just have to keep your chin up and carry on.

Is there one main bitch picking on her? You probably aren't the only one to disapprove of this. Once you know them better, you may be in a position to put a stop to it.

Bullying is when they say it to her, this is very unpleasant but it's not bullying, just plain nastiness either way. Good for you standing up for her.

Bullying is not just face to face, it can include creating a bad atmosphere that everyone has to work in, making it clear to others that if they stand up for a scapegoat they'll be treated the same way.

www.acas.org.uk/if-youre-treated-unfairly-at-work/being-bullied

Sorry I haven't RTFT so I appologise if I'm repeating any pp.

But I'd probably sit and listen to it for a while and let them all get there 2 cents in then say on a very blasè fashion "crikey, don't you all worry that you're the subject of this sort of chatter when you aren't around?" Then take a sip on my tea and enjoy expressions and retaliations, then shrug, smile and get on with what I was doing - but im rather antisocial, so not getting invited on work 'do's' or get bothered on my break, would most definately be a bonus 😬

.. I mean I would of course, go above the manager and report what was happening and how it was causing an awkward and unproductive work place! The first bit would be entirely and selfishly for myself!

Sounds like you’re in a pretty hostile work environment. As your team’s offensive behaviour is making you uncomfortable and it is not being addressed by the team manager you should definitely speak to HR.

Whilst you are not the target of the bullying, their behaviour makes YOU feel uncomfortable so you can speak to the HR team about how this effects you and your work, you do not have to do this on anyone’s behalf.

I agree you should make a recording or two, it will help you HR understand the nature of the problems and jotting it down as you have been is great.

HR will need time to investigate and I would give the other lady in question a heads up if you decide to peruse this because HR will most likely want to speak to her.

HR actually have two complaints here, yours because your in a toxic team and the other lady’s bullying complaint if she chooses to make one.

Depends how strong your backbone is!

I've been a whistleblower to bullying.
And I've been a witness when a bullying case went through the grievance procedure.

I can't stand bullying. Bullies should not be protected.

Grow a backbone, stand up, and show you have a moral compass. You will be respected in the long run.

I found out two women were doing that behind my back so i waited until the next office meeting and brought it up then.Lots of excuses and lies as they tried to get out of it. It worked as i was told they never did it again.