Reported to social services now receiving abuse

[Namechangeth]

I posted a couple of days ago about needing to report a safeguarding concern about a child. I went to social services and although I know it’s the right thing to help the child I have received some horrible abusive messages. I’m quite worried about running into the family members as they are all local to me and I don’t want to put my children at risk. I feel like this is just the beginning of the repercussions and I am very unsettled. I have no idea what action social services took or what will happen next but I think that when a child is suffering that we don’t have a choice. I’ve been accused of having no loyalty and wanting to be a hero and of getting involved when it’s not my business. As well as lots of other horrible accusations and abuse. I feel quite nervous. I’m posting here just to ask whether other people may have had any experience of this. And because I’m generally very anxious.

Wow, OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

You absolutely did the right thing and I also think you should report the threats.

The welfare of the child is paramount. You would have felt awful if the abuse/neglect continued and you had done nothing. You were very brave.

@Namechangeth

“the messages were abusing me as in telling me what a terrible person I am and how I’ve done so much damage to the family”

Far from being a terrible person, you have potentially saved a little boy from an abusive home. The only terrible people in this scenario are his parents for allowing it/creating it. They are responsible for their actions, as you are responsible for yours and, like you, I could not accept responsibility for witnessing abuse of a child without reporting it.
You did the right thing.

I mean to say- he has been known to social services and to the police because it’s been so bad. But he hasn’t been removed from home because mum was supported. I thought this meant things were better and then I discovered they’ve just been lying to the police and social workers. That’s when I said this has to be reported.

There are two ways of dealing with this.

1. Stand up proudly and tell any naysayers they should be ashamed of themselves for failing to step up and help the child.

1. Deny, deny, deny. Tell any abusive arseholes you were considering reporting but someone else got in first .

If you gave your name when reporting SS should keep this confidential along with any details you gave about yourself, but if you have been identified as the complainant say that the 'someone else' stole your identity to report.

If you opt for the first choice report each and every message or any verbal abuse to the police.

If you opt for the second keep denying and use obfuscation to muddy the waters and get them pointing the finger at each other.

Needless to say, you have ABSOLUTELY DONE THE RIGHT THING and should rightly be proud of yourself for acting to protect a child who is clearly in need of SS intervention.

I do think you ought to contact 101 about this. just so that it's potentially on someone's radar, and also will support SS to do what they need to do.

poor kid. God bless people like you who are brave enough and care enough to do the right thing.

You have absolutely done the right thing, please don't let the abuse make you feel like you haven't (although it must be awful to be treated that way by your own brother.) As a mother of a child (adopted) who has suffered neglect, thank you

Your brother. oh dear god! this must be awful for you, why can't your family support you in helping this little lad for a while, till mum and dad can sort themselves out?

@SlightlyJaded that’s a really nice idea but honestly he wouldn’t be able to respond maturely. I sent him a message yesterday explaining that it had to be reported and that he was giving me no choice and that I hope he will be able to see the bigger picture one day and that I know he feels it’s disloyal but that the child cannot be left to suffer. It’s just not possible.

My brother is not a nice person unfortunately. We don’t have much of a relationship at the best of times. He’s angry. About everything. And no I don’t have parents who could help or be involved. It will definitely be the last of any relationship with my brother. I also don’t really know the child- one of my brothers points about it not being for me to get involved. I’ve done it because he’s a tiny little person living a hellish life with lots of people aware of his suffering.

You did the right thing, in your position I’d call Social Services again to let them know about the abuse you received, then they’ll know what they can expect for themselves plus they should be even more discreet then usual about not revealing who made the call etc.

And surely report it to the police, don’t hesitate or feel guilty, you’re not the bad guy here and you and your DC deserve to be protected from malicious people who already demonstrated abusive tendency towards another innocent child.

Just read previous thread

You know so much about this family, so much, but you don’t know where they live?

Report to police OP
Really , they are now doubly bad

Sorry for you here

Sorry OP, missed your update about your brother and he knows it was you.

Don’t hesitate to involve the police if you must, stay safe even if it further damages the relationship.

@Bringringbring no I don’t know where they live.

That tiny little person is lucky that you cared enough about him to go down this hard road. Well done OP. 💐

If you are this scared imagine how scared the 6yo is. Care is a massive protective factor for children. You did the right thing OP.

the messages were abusing me as in telling me what a terrible person I am and how I’ve done so much damage to the family. Lots of ranting about things I’ve apparently done wrong all my life. Mostly about family loyalty. And about never fucking having any relationship with the family from now on and not being welcome to go to my (abusive) brothers funeral?!

Namechangeth - right now, whatever your brother says is impotent ranting because he is ashamed. Possibly social shame rather than parental shame, which is ... well need I go on? - but he has also lost control by you consulting a higher authority, & that's what he's punishing you for.
I know how shaky you must feel (& believe, me, I know what it feels like when a close family member goes super-unreasonable & threatening on you) - but when you have time, please google DARVO to fully understand what your brother is doing right now.

Your head is screwed on - all the things I immediately wanted to write about your first loyalty being to your little nephew, you have already written. You have done the right thing.
For right now, work on replacing your feelings about "my brother" & his disappointing & frankly shocking responses to you with "this man who is failing to protect his child" - a bit of conscious barrier-building for you to help protect your own mental wellbeing.

I sincerely hope that you might be able to have the boy live with you as you wish. If so, your DB is likely to eventually concede that you are comporting yourself as a proper family member & stepping up for his child. If DB does not - you are better off not being welcome to his funeral [eye roll]

Exclusion from family - if they are anything like DB - will not be too much of a hardship for you. It's odd that DB is speaking for other family members as if he's some kind of Mafia boss & they all need to step into line behind him in accusing you of wrongdoing. But chalk that up to testosterone & distress for the short term. Meanwhile - BROTHER OR NOT - please log every threat, every curse word, every name calling.

I really think you should report the abuse you are receiving from your brother. Firstly in case it escalates and you and / or your children and in danger. And secondly as it will be used in evidence against your brother to strengthen the protection case for your little nephew. Moreover, the abuse you are getting from your brother shows a pattern of abuse and will prevent parental further cover up.

I totally understand why you’re scared to do this. I also have a violent and abusive brother (against me) and didn’t report him as I was afraid of the family repercussions. I am now nc. But what I have learnt is that my mother will always be on his side. If he ever is violent again or threatens me, I will not hesitate to call the police.

OP you have done the right thing. I would keep the messages and report the abuse to 101. It sounds like this would come under domestic related Malicious communications as it's your brother sending the messages. Your brother would get spoken to and warned about his behaviour and if anything further happens it would be treated more seriously. The police have to follow up domestic related reports.

It IS your business, the poor wee mite is your nephew, your family too, so your DB can do one with his aggressive ranting messages. You stood up to be counted for the little boy to be protected where your DB has failed. How dare he rant at you for protecting HIS child, a job HE should be doing.

I'd be wiping the floor with him if this was my own DB, don't put up with this crap, he's bullying you because he can - stop letting him, tell him straight

Let social services know about the messages.
And report it to the police, because things may get worse.

You did the right thing, getting help for the child.

From what you have said you have done th right thing.

I reported my sister and BIL to SS a number of years ago.

They got family support but there actually should have been more intervention.

I take it your brother isn't with the child's mother any more?

You have done exactly the right thing and I'm proud of you, as I expect everyone else who's read this thread is. Be proud of yourself for trying to protect a tiny child whose parents are abusing him. And report the abuse. You may not think anyone's likely to assault you but drunks are unpredictable.

Foster carer here.
Without doubt you have done the best thing for the child, and the parents.
If they are willing they will be given help and support to sort themselves out.
Unfortunately lots of parents like these will not admit they are in the wrong and will shift the blame onto the people who report them.
They know they are not looking after their child correctly and hopefully they will now admit to themselves that they have not been acting in the best interests of their child.
If they do not co operate with SS and the child needs to go into care the family will be considered before foster care.
School would have probably picked up the signs but better now rather than later.
Well done op, you have taken steps to change this child’s life for the better.

All of you have given me so much strength. Thank you thank you. So much. I’ve been unable to function normally these past couple of days but spending time on this thread has been a real help.

Definitely let the social worker and police know you're receiving abuse. The social worker should have been more careful. But you courageously did the right thing, and the abusers' behaviour now proves your intervention was needed.