Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to not want kids to visit

60 replies

Mgby1 · 11/02/2020 08:24

Just wondering if anyone agrees with me on this one...... on/off partner has taken our 2 children to visit his brother (which I have no problem with) but I've told him I dont want them there when the brother's wife is there. Me and brother in law never had a great relationship but past couple of months were really good we put differences aside and were getting on great. One night out of the blue he rings me and says "oh, are the kids still awake? Cos I'm coming round with my WIFE! . I told him no your not coming round they asleep. You have to understand he wasn't in a relationship with this woman.... he'd met her online and married her after a couple of days. Who does that? She could be anyone we dont know anything about her and he wants to bring her around my children. BUT I'm the one in the wrong apparently. Anyway he took the children there lastnight and there was a mystery 'cousin' there. Took my daughter to the shop alone. I know it was her and I'm so annoyed cos he knows how I feel. AIBU or am I in the wrong here? X

OP posts:

Vulpine · 11/02/2020 08:26

You cant vet every single person your kids meet.

Tombliwho · 11/02/2020 08:29

How do you marry someone after a couple of days when you have to give notice of marriage..?
Anyway they're his kids too and unless you have some kind of evidence that the woman is a maniac YABU to control who he sees during his contact time.

saraclara · 11/02/2020 08:29

You're being ridiculous.

jomaIone · 11/02/2020 08:29

Way OTT. What do you think she will do to them with their Dad and Uncle there?

CakeandCustard28 · 11/02/2020 08:30

Unless you have evidence she’s a wielding axe murderer... YABU. You can’t vet everyone your kids meet.

iheartislesofwight · 11/02/2020 08:31

vulpine he hardly knows his 'new wife'let alone op it is a strange situation. yanbu op i wouldn't like it either tbh.

Scarlettpixie · 11/02/2020 08:33

Of course you are being unreasonable. Your kids dad and brother will be there too. To some extent you have to trust their dad’s judgment. The brother may have been in an online relationship for some time. Just because you know nothing about her, doesn’t mean he doesn’t.

pinkyredrose · 11/02/2020 08:35

What exactly is the problem?

SeaViewBliss · 11/02/2020 08:38

Are you exaggerating about how soon they got married? It seems unlikely that it was so soon.

ShatnersWig · 11/02/2020 08:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PennyGold · 11/02/2020 08:48

YABVU It's their auntie?!
I think it's more to do with "me and BIL never had a great relationship" and you're just looking for an excuse to be awkward.
I fully support you not wanting your child around someone you don't know, but your husband was there, and it's his brothers wife?
I really feel your husband, imagine having to tell your BROTHER and his wife that they aren't allowed to see their nieces and nephews, how embarrassing.
You sound like a crazy person, and I'd be well shot of my husband if he did this.

ShatnersWig · 11/02/2020 08:52

PennyGold I'd read my posting immediately above yours if I were you.

iheartislesofwight · 11/02/2020 08:58

op is the same person shatner sort of throws a different light on things now doesn't it ?

Alsohuman · 11/02/2020 09:12

What’s an on/off partner? They either are or aren’t. It all sounds incredibly messy.

JRUIN · 11/02/2020 09:14

If what ShatnersWig says is true I would be far happier with my kids being around a strange woman than my partner ffs!

Original poster

Mgby1 · 11/02/2020 09:17

No shes not their auntie.... shes a stranger who they and I dont know and he lied about it being a cousin

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 11/02/2020 09:19

Mgby1 Interesting you chose to answer someone's comment about them being an auntie but ignoring my question about this being the guy who threatened to punch your daughter.

Original poster

Mgby1 · 11/02/2020 09:24

Yes we are off right now. He did threaten my daughter and that is why. This was before xmas and we didn't speak for 3 weeks. My daughter does not speak to him and that's fine with me. But still 2 others that are his children tbh they never wanna go out with him but if they dont he takes it out on me..... me and my family have brainwashed them against him etc...

OP posts:

JRUIN · 11/02/2020 09:35

Why then do you refer to this thing as your on/off partner then @Mgby1?
Surely you're not considering going back there? And I do hope, for your daughter's sake that you do not allow him in your house?

Nanny0gg · 11/02/2020 09:36

If you're 'off' how can he take things out on you? What does he do?

Dipi79 · 11/02/2020 09:41

Why the actual fuck are you letting a man who threatened your daughter see any of your offspring? Sorry, but I just don't get it. And, if you're that worried about the wife, maybe take the time to meet her and welcome her to this wonder family dynamic.

Original poster

Mgby1 · 11/02/2020 09:41

@JRUIN no I'm not just dont have the strength right now to finalise things. He has his own place and only comes to the house to pick up/ drop off kids

OP posts:

Original poster

Mgby1 · 11/02/2020 09:43

@Nanny0gg he will take the car so I have no way of getting to work, says he wants everything hes payed for back out the house. Tells the kids he moving back to his country and marry a woman there..Just generally makes things difficult for me.

OP posts:

crosspelican · 11/02/2020 09:47

It sounds as you you need to start describing him and seriously regarding him as your EX. Not you on again/off again partner because you're still describing an abuser as your partner, and implying that you may let him back into your life.

You need to pick your battles. During his court-appointed access times, he has the right to see his brother along with his brother's wife.

If he doesn't have designated access, and you think he is taking the piss, it's time to get that locked down. Also maintenance - are you getting that? Or is he playing for time, assuming that you're going to take him back again?

Focus on the practicalities of making sure that he doesn't inveigle his way back into your affections and that you protect your daughter, and all of your children from fear and abuse. You have bigger concerns right now, in particular teaching your daughter that abuse and threats from a man are never tolerated.

JosefKeller · 11/02/2020 09:47

You are completely bonkers.

Fine to insist that someone you don't know is not left alone in charge of your kids, and that your DH is to stay with them at all time.

Not being in the same room? Just think about it for a minute. It's not reasonable behaviour.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread