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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parter works nights and has a couple of drinks when he comes home (in the morning)

85 replies

BritneyPeedOnALadybug · 10/02/2020 22:04

Normally I think I know where I stand on these threads but genuinely don’t on this. AIBU? Is he? Am I being too controlling?

FYI we are a gay couple, we don’t have kids or responsibilities other than work and plans, I work a 9-5 and he works 10pm-6am. It means he’s often tipsy in the morning, drinking alcoholic drinks when I’m just getting up and to me it seems weird drinking so early in the morning but he says his hours are different to mine and he’s just having a drink after work before going to bed.

Who is BU?

Vote Yes: I am BU

Or vote No: He is BU.

OP posts:
SpillTheTea · 10/02/2020 23:47

There's hardly another time in the day he can drink if he works nights. I don't see how that's difficult to understand.

Emmelina · 10/02/2020 23:47

It’s his evening. He can’t drink in your evening because he’s about to go to work and I assume will be driving there, neither of which are acceptable with a drink or two inside you. He’s coming home, having a beer/wine/whatever to wind down and going to bed. It’s not unlike my evening to be honestly except I’m doing this at 9 at night.

Shinycat · 10/02/2020 23:48

I should add, this went on with DH for about 4-5 years. And that was enough!

Shinycat · 10/02/2020 23:51

@SpillTheTea

There's hardly another time in the day he can drink if he works nights.

How about he drinks on his days off?! Is it really necessary to drink EVERY DAY?

There's a word for that, and my DH was on the cusp of it. Hmm

MissGuernsey · 10/02/2020 23:55

Shinycat so your mornings with the DC trumps his downtime?

The poor fella should have been allowed to relax. Permanent nights here in a manual role. I love to have a couple of bottles of lager before bed. I live on a school route and it helps me to block out their noise. Mind you, I agree about the garlic bread! Yuck!

Shinycat · 11/02/2020 00:02

@MissGuernsey

Are you taking the piss?

My DH had 4 days out of 8 that he could drink, so yes actually, my mornings with the DC DID trump his desire to drink a quarter bottle of whiskey after every bloody nightshift, and cook half a loaf of garlic bread.

The 'poor fella' had plenty of time to relax ta very much. I didn't though, as I had to get the kids up and ready for school, and sort breakfast, and the lunchboxes and the school run, on top of actually going to work myself, while he sat there getting pissed at 7.30 8.30 am.

As I said, you HAVE to be taking the piss. If you are not then, you either have no kids, or you are a man.

Shinycat · 11/02/2020 00:04

That should say ...

You HAVE to be taking the piss. If you are not then you either have no kids, or you are a man, (and you obviously have no job!)

Nicknacky · 11/02/2020 00:09

Shiny I think your main issue was with the garlic bread!

bitheby · 11/02/2020 00:11

Drinking that much whiskey is way over the cusp.

YABU OP.

Original poster
BritneyPeedOnALadybug · 11/02/2020 00:11

Can I just point out again that in my particular scenario there are no DCs involved, and we’re both men but no responsibilities towards any childcare as we don’t have any children to look after. If that makes a difference.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 11/02/2020 00:12

Why do you keep emphasising that you are both men? It makes no difference.

Shinycat · 11/02/2020 00:14

@Nicknacky LOL. Grin

Anyway, I am so glad he finished nights and cut right down on the drink.

He acknowledges now how unreasonable he was, and how horrible it all was, and he can't believe he did it. He also shudders at how much he used to drink.

VenusTiger · 11/02/2020 00:15

Good to hear you're taking advice OP - would you prefer him though, to have a drink with you before he goes to work? Obviously not. So there's your answer. The terms morning and evening makes not a difference to him - it's after work and that's that.

BillieEilish · 11/02/2020 00:17

Of course he can have a drink when he gets in from work Hmm Like everyone can, if they chose.

He's been at work all night while you have been asleep, not a hard concept to grasp?

x2boys · 11/02/2020 00:17

Again do you have a drink in the evenings after work Op ? Does your partner ever see you tipsy before he goes to work n a night shift? Is the amount he drinks or time ?

Original poster
BritneyPeedOnALadybug · 11/02/2020 00:17

@bitheby
Drinking that much whiskey is way over the cusp.

YABU OP

Example of a thread taking over and starting to bring things to the forefront that aren't even true lol. My partner doesn’t drink whiskey at all and I never said he did, and he doesn’t.

OP posts:
MissGuernsey · 11/02/2020 00:19

I am a woman. I work permanent nights in a manual job.

No I am not taking the piss. Did he not deserve any time to relax? You presumably worked 9-5? So I expect you came straight home from your day job and went to bed at the same time as the kids?

You clearly have never worked a night shift in your life. You need to relax after work. Would you expect a 9-5 worker to come home and go straight to bed?

Jeez. Talk about controlling. I am surprised he is still with you!

Original poster
BritneyPeedOnALadybug · 11/02/2020 00:21

@Nicknacky
Why do you keep emphasising that you are both men? It makes no difference

Because others have replied stating their own circumstances married to a man and they have children which is not relatable at all.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 11/02/2020 00:23

All you have to say is that you don’t have kids. I
Just think it’s strange that you gave mentioned it a couple of times as if it’s going to change opinions somehow.

Original poster
BritneyPeedOnALadybug · 11/02/2020 00:24

@MissGuernsey
No I am not taking the piss. Did he not deserve any time to relax? You presumably worked 9-5? So I expect you came straight home from your day job and went to bed at the same time as the kids?

You clearly have never worked a night shift in your life. You need to relax after work. Would you expect a 9-5 worker to come home and go straight to bed?

Jeez. Talk about controlling. I am surprised he is still with you!

That’s what the AIBU was asking.

Yes I have done night shifts before, but when I was very younger and in university and didn’t need sleep as much.

And for the last time, we don’t have kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
BritneyPeedOnALadybug · 11/02/2020 00:27

@Nicknacky
All you have to say is that you don’t have kids. I Just think it’s strange that you gave mentioned it a couple of times as if it’s going to change opinions somehow.

I’m not trying to change opinions or mould them, but even in the reply above my most recent one someone asked me about my kids schedule, despite me repeatedly saying on this thread I don’t have any

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 11/02/2020 00:28

That poster was talking to a different poster, not you.

MissGuernsey · 11/02/2020 00:29

OP no kids here either but I have a partner who works in a manual job (days). He is leaving for work when I get in at 06.15. I walk to and from work.

YABU I am afraid. No different from going to the pub with your colleagues at 6pm on a Thursday or Friday night. Have you ever been in the City at those times. The pubs are heaving!

MissGuernsey · 11/02/2020 00:31

NickNacky and OP

Sorry I was addressing Shinycat

Original poster
BritneyPeedOnALadybug · 11/02/2020 00:33

@Nicknacky
That poster was talking to a different poster, not you.

Were they? I thought they were replying to me. @missguernsey were you responding to me?

OP posts:
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