Parter works nights and has a couple of drinks when he comes home (in the morning)

[BritneyPeedOnALadybug]

Normally I think I know where I stand on these threads but genuinely don’t on this. AIBU? Is he? Am I being too controlling?

FYI we are a gay couple, we don’t have kids or responsibilities other than work and plans, I work a 9-5 and he works 10pm-6am. It means he’s often tipsy in the morning, drinking alcoholic drinks when I’m just getting up and to me it seems weird drinking so early in the morning but he says his hours are different to mine and he’s just having a drink after work before going to bed.

Who is BU?

Vote Yes: I am BU

Or vote No: He is BU.

I think it's Aldine for him to have a drink when he gets home from work, the same as it would be for someone who got home in the evening.

I think there is a stigma attached to morning drinking in that it's most often associated with alcoholism (needing a drink as soon as awake) which is where your discomfort probably lies but he isn't doing that, he's kicking back after work, it just happens to be in the morning.

However, if he is doing this every day and getting 'tipsy' as you put it, every day, then I'd be more concerned about that than the time of day.

DH used to do this after a 12 hour night shift. I found it odd initially that I was having a cuppa while he was having a Jack Daniels, but it was his evening. DS does it now too having learnt from the master.

*fine, not Aldine!

I've often worked nights, only drank after them very occasionally, but I know lots of people at work that do this, I wouldn't be concerned by it unless he's downing loads of booze. I always felt odd doing it, but if I did permanent nights I think I'd have got used to the feeling!

I'm a nurse and when I used to work night shifts I would often grab a glass or two of wine when I got home in the morning. Other night nurses would go and sit down by the canal and have a few cans of lager ( we must have all seemed like alcoholics to the rest of the world just getting up but honestly it's pretty standard!) I also used to wish the chippy was open at 7am so I could grab fish and chips 😂

YABU - sometimes you want a drink to unwind after work, his is just in the morning while yours is in the evening. Nothing wrong with it at all.

I work nights and never even considered doing this. It’s the last thing I’d want after working all night. Never heard of anyone else I work with doing it either.

Oh yes, if only the chippy were open at that time, would've made a nice change from my roasts!
Few cans with mates down by the canal sounds idyllic

It would seem strange to those of us who are used to working in the day, having drinks in the evening then getting up in the morning. But really a night workers evening is a day workers morning. So they are only doing what we would do in the evening.
Same as if a day worker was having a drink while a night worker had just got up and was getting ready for work.

It's his 'evening'. It's surely not hard to see that?

Like a PP my Dad worked on the newspapers but in Manchester, and when he finished at 0430 he’d nip into the (now sadly closed) Press Club and have a couple of pints before getting the first bus gone at 6am. The Press Club opened at midnight and was members only - lots of nurses went in, plus newspaper men and staff who worked at Granada TV down the road.

I’m friends with a nurse who has a “breakfast beer” after a night shift; helps her to sleep.

I trust you never, ever, have a drink in the evening after work, or you are being rather hypocritical.

You should pop down Smith fields in the morning. Lots of night shift workers out on the piss. Not uncommon at all

His right

I did it sometimes when I worked nights ,do.you ever have a,drink in the evening when you finish work Op? because it you do it's the same thing ,he's just having a drink to unwind after work

I’m going to sit on the fence.

I can see the logic everyone’s talking about, with it being his evening, but I worked nights a long time ago and only thing I did was go to bed when I got in.

I couldn't go straight to bed after I got off work, no matter if it were days or nights.

The thing is, when would he drink then? I'm not condoning a heavy sesh every morning but if he didn't drink in the morning, he couldn't drink in the evening because he'd be going to work. If he only drank on his evenings off, he'd essentially be doing exactly what is a bit problematic - drinking as soon as he wakes aka morning drinking to all day-workers.

I never drank in the morning when I worked nights. I preferred to save my drinking for the weekend, each to their own though but if he was getting tipsy every single day then I might worry.

My dh has a drink sometimes when he get sin off night shiftg-hes not tipsy though so how many does your partner have

My Dad was a steel worker and the plant worked 24/7. There was a pub near by that never closed, you needed to go to the back door and knock outside hours but it was very normal for them to go for a beer after a shift whenever they finished. I used to get up for school as he was getting in and he'd do our breakfast then sit down with his pre-bed whiskey as he waved us off in the morning. It's not unusual for shift workers to have a drink when they get in I don't think.

Would be MUCH more problematic if he was having at drink or 2 at 8-9pm and then going to work 'tipsy' - that would be like you drinking in the morning. Once you flip it, surely you see it's worse one way than the other?

YANBU.

@BritneyPeedOnALadybug YANBU. I think all the people voting YABU must never have had a partner living with them who works nights and starts drinking booze at 7.30am. My DH worked nights for a few years, and came home at 7.15-7.20am, and would crack open the whiskey at 7.30am.

So when I got up, I had to tolerate the stench of whiskey in the house, the smell on him, the smell on his breath, and the smell of garlic fucking bread, as he 'always fancied some' when he had a drink. 'It's my night-time' he would say, and it pissed me off.

It might have been 'his night time,' but it was mine and our childrens 'first thing in the morning.' I don't want to be smelling whiskey and garlic bread the minute I wake up. Our DC hated it too, especially as DH could never EVER come to bed (after his night shift,) without having 3 or 4 glasses of whiskey.

He worked 4 on-4-off, and worked weekends sometimes, and it was even worse then, because I would be having a lie-in, and he would come to bed at 9am and stink out the room, (and the bed) with the stench of whiskey and garlic!

Thing is, a few people are saying 'well when he is SUPPOSED to drink then?' But how about on his days off??? (Or the weekend?) My DH worked 4 days on, 4 days off, (so he had 4 days off, out of every 8 to have an alcoholic drink.) But no, he had to have 3 or 4 glasses of whiskey after every night shift. (As well as drinking on his days off.)

If it's a night shift worker who works Monday-Friday (or Sunday-Thursday) every week, then I can understand them going to the pub for a few bevvies with their mates at the end of the last nightshift of the week. But to be drinking at 7.30am, to 9am in the house, EVERY DAY after work, when the rest of the family is just getting up, having breakfast, and getting ready for work or school is just not on. My DH used to start to slur his words by 8.30-8.45am. It was embarrassing!

I was glad when he finished nights, and also cut down on the booze! Like me, he only has a drink on 2 or 3 days of the month now.