To feel anxious about this medical examination tomorrow **TRIGGER WARNING **

[toothfairy73]

I think I just need some hand holding and to be told this is going to be alright.

Tomorrow I have a Transvaginal scan. This means they will scan me from inside my vagina.

I have been told they cover the probe with a condom, the radiographer will scan me, lasting 15 mins or so.

I have a history of sexual violence. I was seriously sexually abused (every way possible) as a child for years.

It is just over a year ago that I (and others) put him in prison. During the lead up to the trial the flash backs intensified and even after the trial they have persisted.

I sometimes get an sensory flashback which is the smell of condoms.

I am also aware that the radiographer (I don't know if they are male or female) will need to look to see what they are doing: I also have strong memories of his head between my legs.

I am terrified that I will have a flashback tomorrow.

Earlier in the year I had an endoscopy and despite me telling them I had complex ptsd and that I choke and gag if anything hits the back of my throat, they made no allowances, I had a flashback, and tried to pull away, and although I understand why they had to do it (I had a camera down my throat and could have really damaged myself) they held me down. It was so triggering and affected me for weeks afterwards.

I'm so scared about tomorrow. I've not been able to concentrate on work all day and now I'm effectively self harming (eating loads of sugary shit when I'm diabetic) but to manage my feelings.

Sending hugs.

I too have a history of abuse and have needed more TV scans than I can count.

It’s not uncommon now for them to ask if you wish to insert the probe yourself. I usually saw yes but last time I didn’t and they had the quickest look from where they were sat and inserted it with no problem.

Would you feel comfortable telling them that you are very nervous due to previous trauma? Most will understand what this means and you won’t need to explain any further.

For what it’s worth, the handle on the probe is very long so their hand is not close to your genitals while performing the scan. Once inserted (which you can do yourself) there’s no need for them to look at or touch your body at all - their hand may brush your leg while they move the probe but you’ll be covered with a blanket and not exposed.

I find it easier to remember all these things. It will be over quickly. Perhaps try some breathing exercises during the scan to help you relax if you can - I always try but don’t always manage it.

to you

It’s very different to a normal condom. I’m sorry to hear about your previous abuse. for you OP.

So sorry to hear about your experiences OP, I have not been in your situation but I know this must be so scary for you

In my personal experience with having transvaginal scans, I have only been seen by female radiographers and they usually don't need to look to see where the probe is going. Also, the 'condom' they put on the outside is more like a thin plastic cover (not latex), and not your regular packaged condom. I'm aware that mine is only one persons experience and other hospitals/trusts may be different but I hope that this helps a little with your anxiety about the scan itself. Sending you hugs for tomorrow.

Oh babe, i feel for you so much right now. This is stressful and upsetting and I'm so sorry you're going through this, but you are incredibly strong and you can get through this relatively unscathed.

Please imagine me standing next to you and giving you a huge hug (if that's something you'd be comfortable with) and do the following:

1. Put down the sugary snacks, get up from your desk, stretch, take a deep breath, take a quick walk, have a BIG glass of water and splash some on your face.

1. Call the clinic. Tell them you have previous trauma and need some extra support for your appointment tomorrow. Ask for a female radiographer if that would make you feel better, tell them about the condom thing, ask them if perhaps you'd be able to position the probe yourself, basically ask them what they can do to make this easier on you.

1. Call your best friend/sister/therapist, someone you can trust, and set up something good to do afterwards, even if its just pyjama tv time.

I am so sorry you're going through this. I hope you're getting all the support you need, you deserve that. Im holding you in mind today and will do so tomorrow too. You can do this.

You poor love. You’ve really been through a terrible ordeal and I’m not surprised you feel anxious about tomorrow.

Although I can’t imagine what you have been through I can give you my own experience of having an internal scan.

They do use a probe that is covered and it does look a little intimidating initially. However the sonographer talked me through the whole procedure, was gentle and discreet. These are good people doing a good job to keep us ladies healthy.

Could you speak to the department in advance and let them know your history?

My heart goes out to you and I really hope it all goes well. Will you come back tomorrow and let us know you are ok?

Much love x

Please ring and speak to them and make them aware beforehand they will be comforting and supportive and I'm sure they'll let you insert yourself. Sorry for what you've been through, take care of yourself xx

Not being lighthearted but what about taking something that smells strong, like vicks, to distract you from any smells?

15 mins sounds really long? I’ve has a few and they weren’t anywhere near as long.

That’s beside the point though. Is it possibly an option to take someone with you to advocate for you?

Even if not, I can tell you that the first time I had one the woman was lovely. It was years ago but I was also asked whether I’d had any unwanted sexual experiences. She really treated me well.

Your endo experience sounds hideous, I’m so sorry.

You really needed to have explained all of this to them beforehand, OP and requested female staff where at all possible.

It may be too late in the day now for them to restaff the day just for you, but still contact them today to explain your issues so they have as much notice as possible to adapt to you wherever they can.

You won't be the first to have these issues, OP but if they don't know about them then they can't accomodate you.

Just speak to someone today. They'll understand. They have it all the time.

I am so sorry they mishandled your endoscopy like that. You deserved much, much better.

I know you wouldn't be having the scan if you didn't feel you had to, but you can still change your mind. You don't have to go through with it tomorrow, and even if you go you can walk out at any time before they start and ask them to stop at any point. They will get over it. Please don't feel it's too late to say no or they'd be angry if you did.

Would it be useful to know in advance it definitely would be a woman performing the scan? And/or to have other adjustments in place?

If so there is nothing wrong with asking to reschedule so this can be done. The hospital has a duty to make adjustments in caring for you because of your PTSD. Please don't be ashamed to remind them or ask for what you need.

If you had mobility issues they would plan and adapt for you. This is no different. You don't have to resign yourself to being traumatised unnecessarily. I know it's not a case of getting it over and then being fine the next day; you shouldn't have to go through weeks of heightened trauma symptoms because they haven't cared for you properly.

Is it too late to ring your GP and see if you can get a mild sedative to take during the appointment?

In my experience they're normally very considerate with this sort of thing. I've been asked if I would like to insert it myself, and they made sure to be as quick as they could. She didn't actually go anywhere near me with her head, simply sat next to my side and looked at the screen the entire time. I was covered with a towel over my lower stomach and thighs. I hope it goes as smoothly as it can for you.

I've had several of these.

They don't really look between your legs. They're skilled at slipping it in and are then generally looking at the screen.

@FelicityBeedle I think a sedative would be more triggering. I think he also raped me whilst I was asleep.

For those of you that said the condoms aren't the same, do they smell the same? It's the smell as well as the feel.

I’m sorry about your previous experiences @toothfairy73, you sound incredibly strong and brave.

I’ve had a few transvaginal scans. I believe they are only ever done by female sonographers. I was treated with gentleness and dignity, there was paper covering my lower half. The sonographer sat to my side and didn’t go anywhere near my genitals; she gently and discreetly inserted the probe, without even touching me, if you know what I mean.

The condom cover is more plasticky than a normal condom if I recall, I don’t recall the smell being the same.

You could take someone with you if you like, if you think that might help.

I’m wishing you strength and comfort for tomorrow. 💐

I hope it's a paper towel rather than a blanket as blankets are triggering too

They sit very much to the side of you and as far away from your generals as possible, they only really glance to insert it.

Just want to say how incredibly strong you are OP, you have been through so much, wishing you all the best!

I perform TV scans. Every hospital is different. At mine we use paper towels rather than blankets. Unfortunately we do use normal condoms in my Trust. People can definitely request a female sonographer, however it's not guaranteed. You can request to have a formal chaperone (female member of staff who will stay with you), or informal (someone you know). I do need to look between the legs to make sure I'm in the right place but it takes seconds. I'm more than happy for the patient to insert it themselves if that helps them, and then I take the handle. The whole procedure takes 15-20 mins but that includes time to get you in the room, unchanged, and to type up a report afterwards. If you can, call the department lead or email them. That way the person doing your scan will already know that you need extra time, but you don't need to discuss it in person if you don't want to.

I hope it's a paper towel rather than a blanket as blankets are triggering too

Last time I had a blanket (it was chilly in the room) but you could certainly ask for a paper towel instead, they have lots on hand for covering the bed and for you to wipe away gel.

For my last one I needed an abdominal scan first and they sent me to the loo (like an en-suite) before the TV scan. If you have the same you could ask them to apply the cover to the probe while you’re out of the room.

Hi, I was raped at 16 and have had lots of TV scans before. It’s really not bad please don’t worry. It doesn’t feel like a penis at all and I’ve never had a male - and I’ve had lots of scans! They are usually really nice people

I am so sorry your medical services have been so shit. I had sexual abuse and they made an effort to have everyone in the room be a female when I had bowel tests. I had only asked that the person who pre-examined me when I was awake was female but I said I was OK with a male doing the actual testing but they still very kindly made the whole room female.
I have literally had a zillion of these transvaginal things as they use them extensively at my IVF clinic to see the eggs. Usually you have a gown drapped over your bits, and they don't put their head down but take a quck look. There is however, a condom put on the thing usually with lubricantion so I am sorry if the smell triggers things for you. I think its very important you ask for a female chaperone to come into the room.
To be honest (and I mean I must have had 50 or more) the actually scan is OK - ask if you can watch the pictures and then you get distracted looking inside your body. I am sorry these things happened to you. Good luck for your scan.

Also, I agree with other poster - I think the 15mins is for the whole thing. I can't imagine the actually looking bit takes more than 5mins.

I had one when I was pregnant, very early on.

I have trauma issues around medical situations which is exponentially worse with anything that involves me taking clothes off etc.

I don't think any negative anecdotes would be helpful to you but I would make some suggestions.

• Request a female member of staff to perform the scan (if this is something that will help you). You don't have to let them do the scan if they only have male staff available, it's entirely up to you who touches/is involved with your body.

• The hospital I was in used normal condoms, latex ones. I'm allergic to latex (not badly but a rash etc) and they had no alternative at the time so I had to use the latex. Recreationally though I have used non latex condoms and they don't smell the same as the standard issue latex, ditto ones which are 'scented/flavoured' would you be open to taking your own with you?

• If you wear a dress/skirt then you can stay covered without having to involve blankets or paper.

• If you can't verbalise how you feel and what you need, which is entirely reasonable, then could you take someone with you who can? Or if you'd prefer to go alone, show them what you have written here. They should accommodate you, you are the important one in this situation.

As a pp has said, you don't HAVE to go through with this at the moment, you can postpone while you address how to approach it. Do you have a therapist who can help?

Hi OP. I had one last week. They showed me the probe first and she inserted very swiftly. I had a paper towel and the whole time she was looking at the screen whilst v gently moving the probe around. It was actually ok. I do have a follow up with a gynaecologist consultant this week to discuss next steps. I was sexually assaulted when I was 17 and I will really struggle with having anything done under GA so will be looking at what other options are available. Hand holding here.

They should have a chaperone. I had one a while ago & they asked if I wanted one, said no & they still flagged someone down. It was a woman who was doing the scan, too. I don’t even think they looked at my actual bits which made me feel better cause stubble didn’t come close 😬🤦🏼‍♀️