To feel anxious about this medical examination tomorrow **TRIGGER WARNING **

[toothfairy73]

I think I just need some hand holding and to be told this is going to be alright.

Tomorrow I have a Transvaginal scan. This means they will scan me from inside my vagina.

I have been told they cover the probe with a condom, the radiographer will scan me, lasting 15 mins or so.

I have a history of sexual violence. I was seriously sexually abused (every way possible) as a child for years.

It is just over a year ago that I (and others) put him in prison. During the lead up to the trial the flash backs intensified and even after the trial they have persisted.

I sometimes get an sensory flashback which is the smell of condoms.

I am also aware that the radiographer (I don't know if they are male or female) will need to look to see what they are doing: I also have strong memories of his head between my legs.

I am terrified that I will have a flashback tomorrow.

Earlier in the year I had an endoscopy and despite me telling them I had complex ptsd and that I choke and gag if anything hits the back of my throat, they made no allowances, I had a flashback, and tried to pull away, and although I understand why they had to do it (I had a camera down my throat and could have really damaged myself) they held me down. It was so triggering and affected me for weeks afterwards.

I'm so scared about tomorrow. I've not been able to concentrate on work all day and now I'm effectively self harming (eating loads of sugary shit when I'm diabetic) but to manage my feelings.

@AlwaysCheddar

Not being lighthearted but what about taking something that smells strong, like vicks, to distract you from any smells?

@toothfairy73 this actually might be a good idea you can hold whatever you chose (although vicks would definitely get rid of any other smell) near your nose either the pot or on a tissue and then all you are doing is concentrating on the smell of the vicks and controlling your breathing.

I’ve had a similar history (infact it sounds the same) so I know how awful and scared you must be right now and I cannot tell you how much I want to hold your hand through this tomorrow just to chat to you and distract you and show you that you’re not the only person who feels like this.
Obviously I can’t but if you need to pretend I am ok!

Sorry am I being a weirdo

Oh god I should have read to the end of the thread.

Hope things are ok.

I had the test and it came back with cysts which needed further investigations. Before lock down I had to have tests to rule out cervical cancer, it came back with them thinking it is ok but to check again in 6 months.? I had to have another transvaginal scan the other week (which was horrific, had to go by myself, and the GP had written the wrong thing on the form and I thought for a minute I would have to have it done again. I’m still waiting for results but will chase it. Thank you for asking xxx

Let us know how you get on if this thread is helping OP.

((hugs))

You've been brave enough to get through two scans! Fantastic! Well done you. Are the results due this month? 6 months is a horrible wait.