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Original poster

To ask what you did with your children when you were in labour?

61 replies

TheLolaMontez · 10/02/2020 10:17

Hello everyone,

Just wondered if anyone could help/offer advice for this situation -

Currently 33weeks pregnant with 3rd baby, our first baby passed away (he was stillborn) in 2017 and now have DD1 who is 19 months old.

I am due to be induced at around 37 weeks due to prev stillbirth.

My question is this - what do we do with DD when I am in labour?
I don't have a relationship with my parents (abusive), DH doesn't have much of a relationship with his either and they have never baby sat and I wouldn't trust them to. (His dad couldn't physically as disabled and his mum cannot be trusted - different thread entirely).

DD has never been left with anyone else really, I have a few very close friends who have offered to have her for baby sitting sometimes which admittedly I've never taken them up on, so DD hasn't ever been alone with them. She's never been to nursery or anything like that as I am a SAHM currently.

It's not practical for her to be with us in the hospital all day (I don't think)? Surely there must be other parents who have had this sort of issue?

Anyone any advice/ideas?

I was induced with DD at 37 weeks, (I know not every situation is the same) - after one pessary (9am) I started with mild contractions (2pm) and she was born at 9:58pm so in the grand scheme of inductions, she didn't take too long. We were allowed home in the early hours of the following morning.

OP posts:
allthepeoplethatcomearound · 10/02/2020 10:20

Can you arrange with one of your friends to have her on the day you’re induced? Use the time you have now for your little one and said friend to get to know each other so it isn’t a shock to the system

Noodledoodledoo · 10/02/2020 10:36

For our second, my dad came up on my due date to stay, prior to that I had nursery ladies on stand by plus friends of mine with kids there own as a plan. Our other option was for me to go alone if necessary.

I have no family living nearby, most have other commitments to make it tricky.

I would ask one of your friends - make an effort for your little one to get to know her now.

kizkiz · 10/02/2020 10:42

We were in the same boat, with no real options for babysitting. Ds2 came a month early. Waters went at 0200. Hospital only 5 mjnutes away. Ds1 came with us and sat in the chair in room watching YouTube. Luckily they were happy for him to stay as he was behaving, and wife was already fully dilated. Ds2 arrived within 2 hours. Not helpful for you. Lol.

Original poster
TheLolaMontez · 10/02/2020 11:12

One idea I'd had was perhaps we can all go in the morning then maybe send DH and DD home until things start progressing.
I would be ok doing it on my own if I had to I think but i think DH would rather be there which is understandable.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 10/02/2020 11:16

Please don’t take her to the maternity unit when you are being induced. You may be around other women who are in early labour. You may progress yourself very rapidly.

Talk to some of the friends who have previously offered and then start leaving your DD with them for an hour or so to get her used to it.

If the worst comes to the worst and you haven’t made alternative plans your DH would have to stay with her and the midwives will support you.

youareacuntychops · 10/02/2020 11:19

I really wouldn't think you'd be allowed to take her to hospital with you. She'll disturb other patients.
If you have absolutely no one to leave her with then you'll have to Labour alone so your husband can stay with her.

PumpkinP · 10/02/2020 11:22

Surely it’s a no brainer. I would just leave her with a friend.

ScatteredMama82 · 10/02/2020 11:22

Start introducing her now to the friends she might stay with. Take her round a few times, leave her for an hour or so. We don't have any family to help so when DS2 was due we had 2 sets of friends on standby. We dropped DS1 (4) with them at 3am on the way to the hospital. He thought it was all very exciting.

In the grand scheme of things, having your DH with you while you are in labour is very important. Your DD, while perhaps a bit upset at being away from you for a day/night, will be safe and looked after by your friends. She will be fine, don't add more stress to your delivery by worrying about DH having to leave and take her home/come back etc.

EssentialHummus · 10/02/2020 11:24

Hiring a doula to be with you, so DH is with DD?

I actually think your friends are the easiest option - make sure DD has met and is familiar with one or two of them.

Fwiw in these circumstances I wouldn’t hesitate to have the child of even a distant acquaintance - it’s a one-off, people will be happy to be asked in most cases.

All the best Flowers

Original poster
TheLolaMontez · 10/02/2020 11:25

Hmm ok. The only reason I thought that may work was we had our own room in hospital last time that was completely shut off from the others, I stayed in there until I was later moved to the labour ward when things progressed. (Presumed this was standard everywhere(?)) so we wouldn't be around any other women or families in the morning.

OP posts:
Sparkle567 · 10/02/2020 11:26

You either leave her with a friend or your DH misses the birth. It’s that simple really. You can’t take her to hospital to hang around all day while I’m labour

Original poster
TheLolaMontez · 10/02/2020 11:28

Unless of course things move faster than expected...
I think friends are probably the best option in this situation. Unfortunately I don't have any family I can rely on apart from my sister but she lives in London (opposite end of the country) and she has zero experience with kids, apart from seeing DD, she's never baby sat.

OP posts:
Pilot12 · 10/02/2020 11:29

For my second baby MIL and SIL looked after our three year old. He had never been looked after by them before but was on his best behaviour and never cried about it or anything. After baby was born DP went home and got him. I was stuck in the hospital for four days and DP and DS came to the hospital every day, all day. They would bring a picnic bag, books and a few toys. I was lucky enough to get a private room so he didn't disturb anyone. My house looked like a bomb site when baby and I finally got home!

MrsPear · 10/02/2020 11:30

He was with h for most bits - who popped in and out. I had to go in when it started as I was 31 weeks - went in at 8 am and ds2 was born 11 30Pm. H came back permanently after tea time and left him with his young brother who seemed to manage - they watched tv together and ds1 just nodded off and was put in bed. Not what I usually had done but one night doesn’t matter. H was back by the time he woke next morning for breakfast. I don’t know who was more tired h or me tbh

Ginseng1 · 10/02/2020 11:30

Your friends have offered. You've few weeks to get her bit used to them. And hopefully as you say it won't be too long again. Do not bring her to hospital for crying out loud.(thinking of other patients in labor!) For dc2 we had close friends on stand by we dropped Dc1 to them on way to hospital at 6 in morn. That's what friends are for I'd do same for them.

GrumpyHoonMain · 10/02/2020 11:32

Don’t overcomplicate it. Let your DP stay with your DD and you can either buy a Doulla for the birth or ask one of your friends to accompany you. Your DP can bring DD when the baby is born

Bibidy · 10/02/2020 11:33

Surely it’s a no brainer. I would just leave her with a friend.

100%.

Even if she has never been left with them before, she'll be fine! This is an exceptional circumstance and it's really best that she's not at the hospital with you.

Blackandgreenteas · 10/02/2020 11:37

I would probably hire a doula or get a friend to be my birthing partner, and leave dd with DH. Then she has got someone she absolutely knows and trusts with her, and you don’t have to worry. That will probably be if more help than your DH having to be with you.

A doula could even be a better support as they know what they’re doing, as might the right friend.

Lipperfromchipper · 10/02/2020 11:38

Start leaving hr with a trusted friend for small amounts of time from NOW OP.... build it up so that it’s not a big deal on the day! It’s really your only option!!

Meruem · 10/02/2020 11:42

I won't go into the back story as to why (too long!) but I didn't have anyone to have my DS (18 months old at the time) when I gave birth to DD. He ended up going to a foster family overnight while I had her and we all went home the next day. He was fine. You are worrying too much about this. Leave her with a friend, she'll be ok.

MrTumbleTumble · 10/02/2020 11:46

I looked after a friend's DD when she went into early labour unexpectedly. She knew me well but I'd never looked after her on my own before, and nor had anyone else overnight. She was a bit upset once when she woke up in the night and her mum wasn't there, but only briefly. The rest of the time she was absolutely fine.

I know you're bound to worry, but I'm sure your DD would be fine with a friend.

preponderings · 10/02/2020 11:48

Rather than leave her with a friend, I'd ask a friend to come to yours to look after her. That's what I did.

Original poster
TheLolaMontez · 10/02/2020 11:50

I did wonder if DD would be more comfortable at home with friend rather than DD at friends house. I'll speak with DH later and see what he thinks too. Hospital is not too far from our home so he could potentially leave/come back as necessary

OP posts:
Titsywoo · 10/02/2020 11:54

My plan was for my parents to have DD when DS was born but in the end he came in a rush at home in the middle of the night. DD slept through it and woke up to a crying newborn (poor girl must have been traumatised!)

Gatehouse77 · 10/02/2020 11:55

The joy of home births is that they slept through most of it and we had no need of childcare. Someone came round to take DS off for a couple of hours when DD1 was born and grandparents brought him back home after they had a cup of tea and a cuddle with DD1.

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