To ask what you did with your children when you were in labour?

[TheLolaMontez]

Hello everyone,

Just wondered if anyone could help/offer advice for this situation -

Currently 33weeks pregnant with 3rd baby, our first baby passed away (he was stillborn) in 2017 and now have DD1 who is 19 months old.

I am due to be induced at around 37 weeks due to prev stillbirth.

My question is this - what do we do with DD when I am in labour?
I don't have a relationship with my parents (abusive), DH doesn't have much of a relationship with his either and they have never baby sat and I wouldn't trust them to. (His dad couldn't physically as disabled and his mum cannot be trusted - different thread entirely).

DD has never been left with anyone else really, I have a few very close friends who have offered to have her for baby sitting sometimes which admittedly I've never taken them up on, so DD hasn't ever been alone with them. She's never been to nursery or anything like that as I am a SAHM currently.

It's not practical for her to be with us in the hospital all day (I don't think)? Surely there must be other parents who have had this sort of issue?

Anyone any advice/ideas?

I was induced with DD at 37 weeks, (I know not every situation is the same) - after one pessary (9am) I started with mild contractions (2pm) and she was born at 9:58pm so in the grand scheme of inductions, she didn't take too long. We were allowed home in the early hours of the following morning.

For my induction with DC2, DH dropped me at the hospital and looked after DS till my sister came to pick him up for a day out. He then did housework till they broke my waters, that was our agreement, DH to come in when my waters had broken as for me that was when I thought things would speed up based on my previous labour. Also the hospital is less than 5 minutes in the car. Worked perfectly.
Personally in your situation I would leave DC with a friend, but try and set up some play dates first so they have a bit of time to get used to them.

I'm pretty sure you won't be allowed her in the hospital. Maternity units often won't allow kids (except the babies of course!) in due to the fact that they tend to be germy little buggers. It will be boring for her and stressful for you both to have her there.

They went to their GPs it was hard though as I got stuck in hospital pre-Labour as maternity ward was full. Induction slow to work and needed the drip but had to wait three nights.

Luckily it was between Boxing Day and NYE.

Dd1 came to the hospital. Dh set her up with an iPad and headphones in the bathroom until he had to move her outside the room, luckily in front of the MW station.

My lovely Italian MW didn't want me to be on my own (no one to mind dd1bar dh) and thought there was nothing wrong with dd1 being there.

I had planned to give to dd2 alone but didn't have to in the end. It was perfect.

I really think you should try hard not to bring your 19 m old dd to the hospital.
Hospitals are no place for small children. You’ll be asking too much of her, potentially seeing you stressed and worried. You can put a brave face on it, but children know.
You’re also asking too much of the staff and other patients. Imagine finding out something’s wrong just as someone else’s dd has a once in a lifetime, spectacular and unusual tantrum because she wants a biscuit. You can rely on children to surprise you.
If you want your dh there you’ll have to make other arrangements for her or go alone.
Fwiw I gave birth to my second alone because of a lack of childcare and it was fine.

We dropped dd off with a work friends wife, didn't have any other option really. Not ideal but she was ok, they let her indulge in watching tv and eating too many haribo

Just to say, it does not matter if your sister has zero experience with kids. All she has to do is keep you DC safe. That really is not hard for a short while.

You’re having an induction so you can actually plan a little more than if you were waiting for spontaneous labour and you have offers from friends and time for them to get used to each other. This very much seems like the way to go! I’d happily do this for a friend, even a work colleague.

First time, a neighbour/friend looked after him. Second time they sat downstairs and watched Pokemon on the telly.

The staff will absolutely not want a toddler their. It would be completely inappropriate to take her.

It'll have to be a friend or your OH and you labour on your own. I'm not even sure the hospital would allow your LO in there.

I'm sure one of your friends will be happy to help out though.

After I was taken (away after my homebirth) by ambulance DH called a friend who came over as quickly as possible to grab DD1, so that he and DD2 could come to hospital.

DH and DD dropped me off, DH went home with DD and left me to it. It was a slog of an awful labour but actually the last time I've been on my own for months so actually, despite the agony, it was quite nice!

My Mum looked after them. Since this isn’t an option for you, I’d either ask your friends for help or could you perhaps hire a doula and DH would have to stay home with her?

I was planning a home birth which sadly didn't happen. My parents came around instead but they had my nearly 3 year old 2 days a week for childcare while I worked.

My mum was an army wife in NI when my sibling was born. We hadn't lived there long so nowhere for me to go. I sat on my own for hours in a dark corridor with an odd biscuit when someone remembered I was there. I was 7 though.

Unless you are at a private hospital you are highly unlikely to have a room. More likely a very busy ward.
All this is a very good reason for having people who your DD is used to staying with, not too late to organise now.
Also you may go into labour any time. You need a plan if you have to go to hospital urgently in the middle of the night.

I had a very quick first labour. Plan was for my mum to come over when I went in for DC2, we live in the country 30 minutes from hospital and an hour from mums.
I knew as soon as I started labour with Dc2 that it was going to be even quicker and I had to get a neighbour round to sit with DC1 until my mum arrived. We got to hospital only just in time.

My mum or mil looked after them.

With regards to your sister. Unless you think she's a complete numpty then she can manage a toddler for a day / night.
Just write down her usual routine.

My DH stayed with my DD1 when I went into labour as I wanted to be confident she would be ok. I felt better being in labour on my own than worrying about my DD. It was all fine.

Ask a friend to mind her at your home. Do not take ur toddler to the hospital. Women are in labour and vulnerable. A toddler running around (as they do) would be very very annoying.

It would be a bad idea to keep her at hospital.

We have no close family, closestis a 2hrs drive away. Ds1 was nearly 2yo and a very poor sleeper when I had ds2. I was very worried. We asked two different friends if they would be on standby to look after ds1 in our home. They were happy to do this. I went into labour about 1am. Called friend about 3am to babysit. But which point ds1 had been woken up by noisy husband. Friend sat with ds1 for the rest of the night reading books because he wouldn't go back to sleep. We gave him a medal. Ds2 was born about 5am and dh went home about 6.30am to relieve friend.
Ask your friends and get dd used to being with them before hand.

If you're being induced it really helps that you'll have a planned date for baby's arrival. My in-laws who were the planned carers got stuck for 6 hours on the motorway the day I went into labour but luckily it happened fast so my husband and son just had to wait outside and I gave birth with the brilliant midwives for company. Actually it was fine; I got to cut the cord myself too! But I understand that you want your partner there. As soon as you know when, ask a friend. They'll be happy to help, especially if they know your predicament. Good luck!

If you can afford it, I would book a doula. DH can stay home with DD and you’ll have support. Then if it’s all going smoothly doula can ring husband when the birth is near, so he can come into the hospital and let the doula take DD to the cafe for a snack while DH attends the arrival of baby.

No nearby family here either.

With DC2, DC1 stayed with friends who have similar age children. Induced so we had a date and luckily I Labour quickly.

With DC3, same friend came to stay here around midnight, I went in, had another quick Labour and DH went home a short while after to reassure children and get them ready for school and nursery. All very efficient on my part I felt

I agree with PP that sister would be a good choice. 19 months is not tiny and common sense means she can keep her alive! Even if she just sticks her in front of the TV.

I would not take a small child into the labour ward with me. I really don't think it's appropriate. My eldest (then 6) was keen to see DC3 being born and I had to explain it wasn't happening!