To ask what you did with your children when you were in labour?

[TheLolaMontez]

Hello everyone,

Just wondered if anyone could help/offer advice for this situation -

Currently 33weeks pregnant with 3rd baby, our first baby passed away (he was stillborn) in 2017 and now have DD1 who is 19 months old.

I am due to be induced at around 37 weeks due to prev stillbirth.

My question is this - what do we do with DD when I am in labour?
I don't have a relationship with my parents (abusive), DH doesn't have much of a relationship with his either and they have never baby sat and I wouldn't trust them to. (His dad couldn't physically as disabled and his mum cannot be trusted - different thread entirely).

DD has never been left with anyone else really, I have a few very close friends who have offered to have her for baby sitting sometimes which admittedly I've never taken them up on, so DD hasn't ever been alone with them. She's never been to nursery or anything like that as I am a SAHM currently.

It's not practical for her to be with us in the hospital all day (I don't think)? Surely there must be other parents who have had this sort of issue?

Anyone any advice/ideas?

I was induced with DD at 37 weeks, (I know not every situation is the same) - after one pessary (9am) I started with mild contractions (2pm) and she was born at 9:58pm so in the grand scheme of inductions, she didn't take too long. We were allowed home in the early hours of the following morning.

Could you not ask your sister to come up and stay a couple of days before you are induced? Give her a couple of hours at a time alone with DD building up to the day

I had 3 homebirths so DH just shut their bedroom doors. However, if I had had to go in, then I would have called my friend over to sit. We have no family available either.

Best of luck with your induction, I hope everything goes very smoothly

I had a last minute induction. Had no childcare. So I did it alone, my husband and child came up in the morning. Wasn't what we wanted at all but it had to be done unfortunately. The hospital would not allow children to stay, I did ask as he would have been there for a homebirth but they couldn't risk him being hurt if there was an emergency and lots of people had to come in. The midwives are great though and supportive. In fact they felt so bad that I was alone that they allowed me to use the birth centre the next day so my husband and child could stay all day with stressing us out 😁 good luck. Doulas are also an option x

Your DD wont be welcome in the labour ward.

We left DS with MiL when I had DD, but we had several options - his childminder, my parents, my siblings.

I understand not using childcare when you are a SAHM but i do think it's a good idea to have SOME other adult your child is familiar with who can babysit in case of an emergency.

You're in a brilliant position knowing the induction date. It seems like the friend is by far the best option but they would need to be free through the whole day and possibly the night depending on how long the labour is.

Start asking now and seeing who's free that day.

You have 4 weeks for a friend to spend time with your DD, so they can used to each other more and your friend knows what to do. If the friend comes to your house on induction day, easier too. I would say this is your only option. I have small children myself and it a friend asked me to help in this so to action, I would, without hesitation. You’re not asking anything unreasonable in the circumstances.

Situation, not ‘so to action’ !

I hired a trainee doula who could be a ‘sibling doula’ for dd. I was having a home birth so she was in the house, but it was also in case we just needed childcare in case I needed a hospital birth. She cost about £300, but it was money well spent (if you have it!) to have on call childcare at any hour of the day or night.

My family is abroad, we were NC with dh’s family, have a few other family we do trust but they all live 2-6 hours away. Close friends who are nearby are single parents without childcare of their own or have inflexible jobs like teacher or nurse, so couldn’t just drop everything to stay with dd. Other kinds of paid childcare would also work if you find someone who could do an overnight.

I'm actually surprised you are only thinking about this now- with only 4 weeks to go!!!

How would you or OH feel about him not being there? As others have said, start building up the contact with 1 or even 2 of your friends NOW so your child is more comfortable. Otherwise, get a doula or short term nanny that can also assist after the birth along with beforehand.

You have the advantage of knowing your induction date. I like to plan B, C, D etc so why not do a few senarios.

Spend time with friend in the next few weeks if you can. First week spend time together, friend is super fun, you can pop in and out of the room. Then when DD tolerates that well go for a walk around the block. If possible invite your friend over for dinner and they can join in bath and bedtime.

Line up your sister. Can she come to visit in the weeks before and then stay with you around the induction? It's handy to have a toddler wrangler just after the birth. Plus she could tag team with DH if you're.not progressing etc.

Talk to your midwives. Mine was super supportive of DD1 coming if needed. I thought if I had no choice I would take DD1 to hospital and then a friend could pick her up and take her home. Didn't need to but it was nice to have the option.

Scope out a babysitter. Always useful!

The very best of luck to you!

I’d definitely do a couple of trial runs with a friend. I’ve had 4 inductions. 3 were textbook. The fourth started with a major haemorrhage with my first contraction and I was transferred to ICU to give birth. It was not the environment for a toddler, and witnessing that would’ve been way more traumatic than spending some time with a kind adult who she knows, even if she’s not used to time away from you.