Was I asking for it?

[Ihavenotaclue]

DH and I were messing around, grabbing others chubby bits and he said he hates his, I replied I love them. So I said ‘don’t you like mine?’ he said no.
I’m 5’7 size 12 and in proportion. Quite muscular I suppose but the children have ruined my stomach, stretch marks, baggy skin to which I have issues with, quite insecure.
So I got a bit upset. I let it pass and tried to make light of it tonight in bed and he touched my bum and I wiggled his hand asking why he didn’t like that....he then touched my stomach saying that it’s this he doesn’t like. Feel like utter crap now, it’s a part of me I can’t change, it’s what happened when I made our beautiful children and he doesn’t like that part of me. AIBU to be a bit heartbroken and sad? I suppose I was expecting him to love my flaws, especially that one. I was looking forward to some sex, but now I’m totally put off. He doesn’t seem to understand why.

The first comment was one thing, as he was mainly talking about himself. The second was just downright mean though. Why say that when lying, making light of it, changing the subject or saying nothing are all options.

Tell him to try carrying a couple of kids around in his stomach for 9 months, then he will have an excuse for his belly.

@painintheholeSIL I'm hoping for the OP's sake this is his only dickheadness and that he's absolutely mortified when he he sees how upset she is! Mine on the other hand has just told me off because I didn't put tinfoil on the leftover roast spuds, walked past my handbag and didn't move it (when all the lights were out) and then went in to tell me I've got zero common sense and that summing it up I'm just a pretty shit person all round 🤷🏻‍♀️ Currently on right move and a benefit calculator website

I would be pointing out that he's simply 'let himself go' out of greed and laziness (but I can be spiteful), and at least your body has done something useful.

I'm so angry for you.

Tell him how hurtful his comments are, he seems oblivious. He needs to apologise. If he can't, the don't have sex with him, just with yourself, as you love you.

You did not ask for that at all.

He is being a jerk to not appreciate what your body has done for both of you. He didn't grow a baby in his wobbly bits, his wobbly bits are either age or laziness.

My husband would not even think to say something like that even if he thought it.

Absolute arsehole would be on the couch, to make room for my wobbly bits taking up the bed.

Does he often bring you down when he’s not feeling good about himself?

I'd be really hurt too OP.

It's one thing to say you prefer your partner more when they're a certain weight or when they don't do a certain behaviour or habit that you find offputting ie something that not fundamentally them, something that they can change.

It's quite another to dislike something about them that makes them, them. That's there because of the children that you made together and is an inevitable part of having those children. Most women have got a saggy tummy after kids, maybe he doesn't realise it because hes not seeing them naked? Presumably he could lose weight if he wanted but you can't reverse the changes to your body from having children. It's like telling your partner you hate their big nose or something, what are they supposed to do with that knowledge other than feel self conscious about it?

Sounds like he may be pornsick.
I am sorry he is also cruel.

That's really stupid and unnecessary of him. Pretty thick really. There are loads of things about people's bodies we may not love but because we love the person overall, we love the body overall.

I think he just needs to grow up a bit. Very sorry.

What an utter wank stain!!! 😡

That’s a very taboo, insensitive and hurtful thing to say. He’s either seriously lacking in emotional intelligence and has no filter or he knew exactly what he was doing and has cruel, manipulative streak. Only you can know which it is.

He's a knob

Is this an isolated incident or does he regularly upset you?

Obviously has no depth of emotion or sensitivity.

I haven’t shifted any weight nearly a year on from birth, two dress sizes bigger than my original size 10 and a saggy belly/boobs to match. I feel very insecure and apologise to my husband frequently which perplexes him. Says he genuinely doesn’t care 🤷‍♀️ not sure I believe him, but he’s still enthusiastic to have sex with me. Although I’ve physically changed his feelings and behaviour towards me have stayed the same.

Your husband is being very hurtful and unfair. We’re all going to get fat and old if we live long enough, be nice if it’s with someone who loves you for you. A comment like this would put him at risk of getting fat and old alone.

You were discussing chubby bits I'd just let it go . It's not like he come in from work marched up to you and said about your chubby bits you asked.

I think the first time could potentially be excused as accidentally insensitive in the heat of the moment.

The second one was downright nasty. He could've just told you he loves your bum. There was no reason to berate any other part of you.

after all these comments op im praying you now think differently about yourself.do not let this kind of crass comment be what forms how you feel and love yourself.
the things you mentioned are exactly why you should respect and adore the body and what it made.
you need to be happy and healthy.look around you and see that can come in many forms.many colours.many shapes and sizes,many heights and widths.but you are you,the only one.do not shape yourelf to fit.take up space and be proud to do so.you have a important place to fill.love it

If he criticises your tummy again tell him at least you have a good reason for it - you grew babies in there. Ask him what his excuse is.

I am so so sorry he did this, this would absolutely destroy me. I have very low confidence in my body as it is and I would never be able to be naked in front of him ever again.

What he said is malicious and utterly cruel. No you didn’t ask for it - I don’t know any decent human being who’d say something like that to someone they are supposed to love. You’ve carried and birthed his children, what’s his fucking excuse?

I couldn’t get past this - it’s not the comment itself, it’s the absolute cruelty of specifically pointing it out with no regards for your feelings, and no understanding of how this would impact you.

I’d be taking some time away from him at the very least.

He needs to apologise to you. What a completely awful thing to say!

Wow. I feel for you op. I would describe my partner as a “cave man” type man - he’s not very aware of insenstivities etc and just says things without thinking Yada yada. I’ve put on loads of weight since our son, I hate it, there’s no denying it, but my god, he would NEVER say that to me!! YADNBU

Awful twat.

What a childish prick. Sorry OP 🙁

Great. Now what?

@baubled he sounds awful. I have witnessed something similar, not in my own marriage but someone very close to me. He's so nasty to her, he says awful things. Treats her so badly at times. He's Prince Charming when it suits. She won't leave. I'm glad you're working up to it. You do not deserve that shit.