Sorry, another Philip Schofield one...

[UnaCorda]

I really couldn't care less about Philip Schofield's sexuality (or anyone else's) and good for him for finally being true to himself. But what makes me quite cross is all this talk of honesty and bravery, and the self-indulgent, tortured confessional in front of the nation when really it's of no importance to anyone who doesn't know him personally.

In the clip of his chat with Holly he asks repeatedly, "When is the right time?" In my opinion, the right time is before you get married to someone who believes you are straight. It's not brave, or honest, to make someone unwittingly provide you with the benefits of a heterosexual relationship, including children, so you can be viewed by the public as a "respectable family man". It's actually rather selfish.

I had a brief relationship with someone who I later discovered was gay. He didn't even have the balls to tell me directly, and it seriously screwed me up for a long time. I can't imagine what it must be like to find out your husband of 27 years is homosexual.

I'm not gay, so perhaps I am being unreasonable as I don't know what it is like to come out to friends and family (although I imagine it is easier now than it was thirty years ago) and I don't know whether PS really believed that he was in love with his wife when they got married. But I do think that leaving a duplicitous life which affects other people is not a kind or honourable thing to do and I feel very sorry for his wife and daughters who I think really have been brave.

I may be way off here, but I always thought Phil vickery was gay and he and fern were an odd coupling

I used to think the exact same thing lol - always thought they were a very mismatched couple.

Yes! That sounds so familiar @Youca.

On this subject - it really disturbs me that so many people imagine gay men wouldn't even be able to have an erection in the presence of a naked woman. It buys into the homophobic stereotype that gay men really just hate and are revolted by women (and lesbians hate men).

In reality it's just not so. Lots of straight people have very dear friends of the same sex. It's easy to love someone.

If you look at your average teenage boy, they'll have an erection in the presence of a broomstick and half a chipped mug of ovaltine. It's not like it's a difficult response!

You can get aroused in all sorts of unlikely and unpromising conditions.

But it's not proof that those conditions are the ideal context for you to have sex!

When is the right time? Just before someone is about to out you for having a relationship with them and he is about 40 years your junior

Ach, that just tells me I am crap at maths and allegedly there is a 34 year age-gap not 24
We are assuming

1. wife didn't know about PS before marrying him
2. wife didn't know he had had an affair
3. runner had no agency/was groomed
4. runner has threatened to blackmail PS
5. that there was a sexual affair/nepotism at work

They are all big assumptions to make, especially #4

Would it be fine if hollys husband did the same?

Exactly, where would the sympathy be falling in that case?

Whenever he did know, it was well before his wife did. Coming out like this - like a publicity stunt indicates his trying to get ahead of a press reveal, which means an established homosexual life. That is awful. He has a wife and children. Discovering he was gay should have involved a quiet period of introspection before the world should be told (why would we care ordinarily???)

Did George Michael ever come out? And If he did it probably wasn't that big a deal as he hadn't pledged to love and support a wife and children before booking up with some young fella!

George came out officially after being caught outside.

www.smoothradio.com/artists/george-michael/george-michael-came-out-gay-tv-interview/
1998

I hope his wife and daughters really are ok, it must be an awful thing to go through regardless of how long they have known. I hope it wasn't a case of him having to come out before he was outed because I am sure that has added to the stress and strain for his wife and daughters. My heart really goes out to them in all of this.

www.bitchute.com/video/jay9wgYI8zS5/

You have no idea how the incredible pressure to live a heterosexual life keeps people in the closet. Easy for straight people to criticise.

Twitter is very blunt at times but the person that wrote ' I don't care , his still a Tory voting c@@t ' did make me smile. Twitter takes no prisoners.

I've never liked either of them : Holly annoys me and I always thought he was a bit stuck up.
I feel for his wife and children who I think are probably hurting a lot and will take time to heal.
His not being brave at all. This is damage limitation.
I hate most ITV morning programmes : they are all a bit shit and full of themselves and how people watch them day in day out is astonishing! It's the same old recycled crap and most presenters are overpaid. How Lorraine Kelly has kept her job for decades amazes me too. She has something on people I'm sure of it! It's always on at my dads care home and I have to stop myself turning it off it's so awful. Mind you , I watch Eastenders and other crappy tv shows myself so maybe I shouldn't be too judgemental really but I just cannot watch the late morning shows on any channel.
I wish his family well. I'm sure he'll be fine too.

I completely agree OP.
We don't know full circumstances but my heart goes out to his wife and children, I can imagine finding out your husband is gay is devastating.
The right time to come out was 27 years ago, and if he couldnt manage it then
he should have separated from his wife before coming out. Doing it on national TV was self indulgent and all the fawning completely ignored the considerable hurt he must have caused his family , they are the brave and dignified ones .
I suspect a story was about to hit the tabloids and that is why after 27 years of marriage he has decided to be honest about who he is.

God it really is all over internet now about him and the runner. Including pics of him at his 18th birthday. So he’s not a poor tormented soul, he’s just a cheating tucking scumbag. #standard

He and his wife could have announced they were separating at almost any point in the last 27 years - it wouldn't have been such a big news story. Then he could have later revealed his sexuality.

This is what Gareth Thomas did. He came out two years after he and his wife started divorce proceedings. They are still good friends apparently.

I completely agree OP.

I never doubted his big revelation was anything other than controlling it before somebody else did.

Its interesting to see the way the TV world bigwigs got the 'celebs' to rally around him in a public display of support. I guess they protect those they want to.....

Why is it men (In the public eye) seem to have to have a big reveal?? while the women just go on about their lives and don’t make a big fuss

My friends & I have been talking about this & we reckon it’s homophobic to say he’s brave. Only someone who thinks being gay is scary or wrong would think it is brave to say you are same sex attracted. It’s been legal for men for years, discrimination is illegal.

People have tended to talk about when he should have faced up to this as if it was a binary: 27 years ago or now. What about all the time in between that he could have come out? Homophobia has been far less pervasive in the last 15 - 20 years. His daughters are well into their 20s. He could have come out before now and not lived a lie for quite as long.

Bravery would have been "coming out" 27 years ago when it was much harder to do so with possible social and career ramifications.

Philip Schofield isn't brave. He has just stopped being a coward. Huge difference.

Oh, and I call bullshit on everyone in his and his wife's family's first comments being "that's ok, we don't care". No way. When a couple have been married for that amount of time, and the families are intertwined, I can't see any parent NOT saying "but what about Steph and the girls".

No-one says "oh your marriage is over, not to worry". Particularly the in-laws in his situation. He really is formulating a narrative, possibly to shut down questioning about family reactions. But it's very transparent.

My mum realised she was gay when she was 50 but had been single years. Even she said "the guy is a total disgrace to his wife for living a lie for that long. He should have split quietly from her because noone gives a shit these days" I agree with her.

Some absolutely hideous comments here.
I'm guessing the people saying coming out isn't brave have never had to come out

Pretty big assumption isn't it? There isn't a gay hive mind you know.

In a thread totally unconnected to all this a few weeks ago I expressed my thoughts on PS, in that I thought he was a smug man. Now I feel he is being treated to hero status on the surface of it all by his showbiz "pals" but we have no clue what is really happening behind the scenes. They are all sort of actors after all.

I know one thing though, he has spoiled my enthusiasm for watching Dancing on Ice which I have always loved. I was being serious there too. Not sure if I will tune in any more, his doe eyes and coy grin are somewhat cringeworthy.

The really brave people in this are the wife and adult children who will have to survive this and -particularly the wife - rebuild their life. He meanwhile is strongly supported and not really particularly brave to have come out in this day and age.

There are lots of people on all of these threads who are still unaware that you can be gay and not aware of it (ie., you are not covering it up)

I must have missed it, but who said that? I don't think anyone is saying that coming out is easy, though PS made it sound very easy to come out to his family. But sure, not all families and friends are like that and there are some real homophobic knobheads around.

What I don't understand is, if he had well known gay relationships prior to marriage, then he knew he wasn't straight. It could well be rhe case he thought he was bi and over time realised he wasn't - whatever. But if he only told his wife he wasn't straight a short time ago, and had gay relationshops in the past or while he was married, then he is a liar. Yes, it may be because coming out is hard. But so is being lied to by a partner who knows they aren't straight.

The only way that PS ISNT a liar, is if all the allegations about him having same sex relationships for years are bollocks. And how likely is that? Especially when him getting married would have been a perfect way to "prove everyone wrong".

If someone doesn't know they are gay then they obviously can't come out. When they do knoe, sure it may take a good 10 years or so of internal wrangling to identify how you feel. But 27 years? When he had been having same sex relationships beforehand? Come on! He had either lied to his wife which is dreadful OR if she knew for as long as he has known, then he outright lied on Friday. Either way, why take the opportunity to be honest and then keep lying? That's not brave. That's self serving cynicism.

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/feb/08/phillip-schofield-and-jameela-jamil-two-tales-of-coming-out

It is interesting, the reactions.
She can't be queer as she has a boyfriend and no sapphic history. Plus the timing sucks. She is self-serving/inauthentic.
He can be gay despite being married and claiming no gay history.
The timing is not relevant, nothing to see here folks. He is brave/can be his authentic self.

In the article there is something which I think is relevant
If you look at the most prominent gay male presenters on mainstream British TV, many of them are camp or effeminate – such as Paul O’Grady, Alan Carr and Graham Norton
On a previous thread, a pp gave a list of famous LGBT celebrities but what was striking is that so many had been accepted in the 80s only if they were celibate/camp/not openly out and certainly not sexual - look at Julian Clary's wilderness years.

John Mercer, Professor of Gender and Sexuality, Birmingham City University, said of Larry Grayson:

“His risqué humour and catchphrases remind us of a post-gay liberation moment in popular culture during the 1970s and 1980s where gay humour could have mainstream appeal and a visibly gay man could succeed at the highest level in the world of light entertainment, as long as he was prepared to perform his sexual identity for laughs

Don't misunderstand me, I love camp. But to think there was more acceptance than homophobia in the 80s is naive or rose-tinted - Rupert Everett embracing the gay scene adversely affected his career to the extent that he advised other actors not to come out, Ellen deG was in the wilderness for a while, you were accepted into the mainstream if you were a camp comedian (Grayson, Inman, Williams, Howerd, Biggins, Grant) and/or discreet/celibate. Some straight men even made a career of camp (Duncan Norvelle, David Walliams, to a lesser extent Blair and Brandreth) when irl identify as straight.
So it is understandable that PS might have stayed in the closet so as not to wreck his career. I cannot think of many straight-acting successful presenters at that time - Russell Harty, maybe, but cannot remember if he was out or not: only that the tabloids crucified him as he was dying (hep B '88).
PS said in an early interview he was monogamous because he was terrified of AIDS - you have to remember Maggie's stance on homosexuality (clause 28, her attitude to the public health warnings) and then the stigma of the sodding iceberg ads.
In the States 37% of Americans asked had a less favourable attitude to gays since AIDS (1985). In the UK in the year 2000, 86% of people asked in a mori poll said they would not give time or money to hiv charities compared with 84% who would if it were cancer.
Anyway, I think there has been a deal with The Sun in return for an exclusive. That still won't help the other lad who is being named all over Twitter.
www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/10923868/phillip-schofield-admits-he-knew-he-was-gay-when-he-wed-27-years-ago-in-his-only-interview-on-coming-out/

Ah he has cleared it up with an interview with the Sun. He said he did know he was gay prior to marrying his wife and kept it from her for years. But he was "happy" with her despite always knowing he was gay.

So he married under false pretenses. Nice.