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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sorry, another Philip Schofield one...

999 replies

UnaCorda · 08/02/2020 20:20

I really couldn't care less about Philip Schofield's sexuality (or anyone else's) and good for him for finally being true to himself. But what makes me quite cross is all this talk of honesty and bravery, and the self-indulgent, tortured confessional in front of the nation when really it's of no importance to anyone who doesn't know him personally.

In the clip of his chat with Holly he asks repeatedly, "When is the right time?" In my opinion, the right time is before you get married to someone who believes you are straight. It's not brave, or honest, to make someone unwittingly provide you with the benefits of a heterosexual relationship, including children, so you can be viewed by the public as a "respectable family man". It's actually rather selfish.

I had a brief relationship with someone who I later discovered was gay. He didn't even have the balls to tell me directly, and it seriously screwed me up for a long time. I can't imagine what it must be like to find out your husband of 27 years is homosexual.

I'm not gay, so perhaps I am being unreasonable as I don't know what it is like to come out to friends and family (although I imagine it is easier now than it was thirty years ago) and I don't know whether PS really believed that he was in love with his wife when they got married. But I do think that leaving a duplicitous life which affects other people is not a kind or honourable thing to do and I feel very sorry for his wife and daughters who I think really have been brave.

OP posts:
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Whatsername177 · 09/02/2020 19:59

In fairness, Gareth Thomas received a lot of stick for deceiving his wife (they divorced after 5 years, he came out publically a year or two later.) He lost friends over it. However, PS friends are simply praising his bravery and nothing more.

Clawdy · 09/02/2020 20:01

Yes, what did A Banjo say? Missed that.

RapidRainbow · 09/02/2020 20:03

“You never know what is going on in someone’s head when they you think they are leading the perfect life. And I was. But then it was there.

“I was confused by what it was. I thought maybe I was bisexual.

“But over time I realised and started coming to terms with it.

“And I realised I had to be honest with myself.”

His confession followed an Instagram message in which he revealed he was “consumed” with “coming to terms with the fact that I’m gay”.

While the news would devastate most marriages, Phil credits Steph as his closest ally throughout his battle. And he says there was never a dramatic showdown over his sexuality.

Phillip said: “Steph is my closest confidante. She’s been amazing. I have no secrets from Steph. We have been very truthful and honest. She has known for a while. When you live with someone you know these things don’t you?

“We sat down and we talked and then she left me to have space.

“It has been a process, we started having discussions and it was gradual.

“There is no question she is a truly remarkable person — the kindest, sweetest soul I could have possibly met.”

Despite her understanding he admits his struggle has been painful for his loyal wife. Phil added: “That is what makes this so hard. Knowing you are hurting the perfect person.

Steph stayed away as Phil spoke movingly in the This Morning ­studio on Friday.

Instead she and the couple’s daughters Molly, 26, and Ruby, 24, watched from the family home in Henley-on-Thames, Oxfordshire.

Phil admits it is too early to say if they will stay married.

He said: “It has taken me a long time to get here, I am not rushing to get to any other place. We will always be a family. That is the one definite, constant, absolute positive thing. And where the wind blows us I don’t know.”

The TV favourite, who also hosts ITV’s Dancing on Ice, hailed the way his girls rallied around him.

Yesterday Molly posted an Instagram image of the family and wrote: “Love you always, so proud of you.”

He told The Sun on Sunday: “Our daughters have always been a credit to us. And I am so proud of them. When you test them to this degree you wonder. But they have been amazing.

'I still love Steph as much as when we first met. More probably,' Phil says

'I still love Steph as much as when we first met. More probably,' Phil says
“Even before we told them, they picked up that something was wrong. That I had been very low. The whole family picked up on it.” Phil declined to comment on whether he is in a relationship with a man, or has been in the past.

He added: “I understand that people will ask that question. It is one I’d ask myself.

“But Steph and I have agreed to keep our private life private. I hope people understand.”

I don't think it's not for us to assume Steph did not know or permit him to explore his bi side, perhaps they did together and it became obvious to them both it was more than him being bisexual.

His daughters supporting him publicly does not fit the narrative of sordid affairs being uncovered and suggests that as a family they have had time to work through this with the public announcement being the final step.

RapidRainbow · 09/02/2020 20:11

Ashley Banjo said, (and I will parapahrase from memory!)

"On a seperate note, it's been a big week for you Phillip and you have nothing but our love and respect" too which the other judges nodded and the audience clapped and cheered whilst Phillip said "It's not about me, it's not about me". Then everything moved on. It just made me think, if things aren't as deceptive as some of the narratives out there right now, this poor bloke is being accused of all sorts from sordid affairs behinds his wives back to grooming and paedophilia, in what is already a difficult time.

And so I think it is perfectly plausible that he was Bi for many years of their relationship and permitted to explore that side, possibly with Steph taking part, who knows, it definitely happens.

Then as the years go by, it becomes an issue and he can't suppress it anymore and perhaps being secure in herself and also finding his pain tough, helps him to accept who he is.

NutEIIaFitzgerald · 09/02/2020 20:11

Molly works for his PR agency doesn't she? Looks after her dad, Marvin and Rochelle and Davina?

Limbicsystem · 09/02/2020 20:26

oh wow im so glad someone has said this!

my brother is gay and we sat round the dinner table this afternoon talking about it and my mum and my sister and I all said we would be so disappointed in him if he had led some poor woman along for decades. brave would be the absolute last thing we would call him.

and I don't really understand why everyone is pretending its incredibly difficult for a celebrity to come out as gay. its not like he was a builder or a footballer in a massively homophobic industry, film and television was built by the gays!!!

Mollie3 · 09/02/2020 20:58

Have not read the entire thread but did he have an affair with an 18 yr old runner on this morning and that’s why he came out as his b/f was upset with him and threatening to telltale? Perhaps this is fake news but it seems odd that he just randomly picked that particular date to come out publicly, surely there was a reason for it.

lilgreen · 09/02/2020 20:59

@mollie it’s been discussed at length on the thread already. But yes.

Mollie3 · 09/02/2020 21:02

Do agree that leading a lady up the garden path for over two decades on the pretence of being a straight guy in a happy marriage with her is well, not nice!
Not entirely sure how much she knew but I assume for most of the marriage she thought he was straight or bi.
I do think sexuality can be fluid and change over time. Perhaps he started out as bi and got gayer

AnnDaloozier · 09/02/2020 21:15

Read the thread @Mollie3 ffs

Seasalted · 09/02/2020 21:23

Rapidrainbow looks like the Jack Jones tv video has been taken down too!

lilgreen · 09/02/2020 21:27

Why are these videos being taken down?

Dowser · 09/02/2020 21:28

I just don’t know what possesses some people to do this.

He’s got a beautiful home..something most of us could never afford..why feel the need to shout it from the rooftops.

www.hellomagazine.com/homes/gallery/2019120381481/inside-phillip-schofield-house-oxfordshire/1/

Dowser · 09/02/2020 21:32

Seasalted there’s still videos on bitchute and Twitter

Dowser · 09/02/2020 21:32

Or that maybe should have gone to lilgreen

lilgreen · 09/02/2020 21:35

Just wondering why MN is removing them.

Dowser · 09/02/2020 21:39

Green pop

I’m not a TM viewer apart from the odd day in school holidays but I think that that pairing is over. Before this, the ridiculous over sharing of their friendship was not in a viewer’s
interest. Then Bradley Walsh started mentioning on Radio 2 that he’s got a place in Portugal and parties with them too. I find it sickening really.

It appears that a lot of the itv presenting crew are under the auspices of the same managing agency which is why you see the same old, same old faces fronting so many shows.

It must be very hard for new people /talent to get a look in

Then there’s all the adverts as well..sometimes you feel you see so much of them..they’ve become an additional family member 😂

Dowser · 09/02/2020 21:40

Well I suppose MN has to be careful that it’s not seen as being libellous I suppose

I think we get quite a lot of rope on here.

MintyMabel · 09/02/2020 21:45

difficult 30 years ago

In 1990? Hardly. Especially not in the arts/media world.

Coming out as gay, especially in the public eye, isn’t ever “easy” but let’s not pretend we were in the dark ages 30 years ago. I lived in rural Scotland at that time, there were gay people in our community and nobody was chasing them with pitchforks.

lilgreen · 09/02/2020 21:46

How is it libellous to link to a video? The video isn’t showing anything that didn’t happen.

smashstore · 09/02/2020 21:47

I just don’t know what possesses some people to do this.

He’s got a beautiful home..something most of us could never afford..why feel the need to shout it from the rooftops.

Seriously?

Dowser · 09/02/2020 21:50

Yes seriously ..just enjoy it.

NameWithChange · 09/02/2020 21:50

Oh I am pleased I read this. Agreed.

I just thought today I was alone in feeling like this about him.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 09/02/2020 21:56

It is hard for many women to succeed in many industries, including the entertainment industry, where they are held to high standards of attractiveness or have to battle the boys’ club or sexist stereotypes about women working with technology in production. I don’t see a lot of sympathy for how hard women have it in the public realm. But when a man might forgo his male privilege by coming out as gay suddenly everyone is playing a violin.

smashstore · 09/02/2020 22:10

Yes seriously ..just enjoy it.

You seriously think a nice house is all it takes for someone to stay in the closet, as they say?

Have you no idea at all? Really? What a ridiculous thing to say Hmm