To think my DH doesn't need to lie with out 5 year olds for hours....

[Comeoncomeonreally]

Just feeling really frustrated. We have very nearly 5 year old twins and when doing bedtime my DH insists on lying with them every time until they fall asleep - always at least an hour. I think bathtime, lovely stories, then a quiet talk about the day plus cuddles for a short time is sufficient. They aren't distressed, if I come down they are always asleep within 10 mins. They don't struggle to fall asleep or cry, they have each other (same bed) to snuggle and are entirely neurotypical. Surely at least some evenings he could come down a bit quicker and we could have a bit more quality time. We haven't left them since they were born. I would love a night away but he won't entertain leaving them. Sorry. Just needed to vent.

What reason does he give for doing it? Seems odd if they will happily go to sleep without an adult present!

There must be more to this - why does he do it? Does he work all day, and you stay at home, so he wants to be with them?

Maybe he likes it. It's cute really.

They're only little once.

YANBU to want more time alone as a couple. I'm wondering does he work long hours and so this is the only quality time he gets with them? Not being away together for 5 years would be a source of rage for me! It's good for your relationship to get time out as a couple. Book a night away, arrange a babysitter and tell him after it's all organized.

Just that they are only little once and falling asleep with him is lovely for them- they feel safe and nurtured. I know, I know. It is a good reason. And he is the best father. He works extremely hard and time with them is limited. I just wish it wasn't every night as we don't get the time together. I also feel like the time could be better spent ie I run myself ragged doing all the house stuff but if he didn't spend so long up there he could help more with it?

Quality time? Maybe it's just for the quiet!

He clearly just wants a lay down and this is the best no fault lay down you can have!!!

I know I'm being unreasonable. I suppose it is more frustrating when we also have not been away since they were born, he isn't ready to leave them. I feel ready. Even just 1 night away in a hotel round the corner would be heavenly.

Suggest you split the bedtimes and the house stuff more equitably? Sounds as if he knows that you will have everything sorted and nice for him after he’s enjoyed his bedtime routine (snooze).

Is he anxious or particularly conscious of spending more time with them as he works? I dont mean to be horrible but is he avoiding time with you?
It is quite strange to stay with 5 yr olds for that long if they dont need you to tbh

The cynic in me tells me this is very convenient for getting out of evening chores...

And I know I am lucky to have a DH who really adores his kids. Maybe I am just being a hormonal and ungrateful cow.

I sometimes lay with my 4 year old longer than I should. It’s nice to lay with them and not have them talking at you or poking you or kicking you or arguing.

He is supportive with house stuff and would do anything I asked when he comes down. But if I then asked him to do stuff we would actually have zero time as a couple. Yes he works long hours and works hard and wishes he had more time with them. But I also work and do all the house stuff.

Look it’s a nice thing for a parent. And is probably nice for the kids. But not essential.

But there are wider issues and that’s what you need to talk about, you can’t be the parent who only gets the shit jobs

We both stay with my ds. He wants us to and he won't for long.

DH insists on sleeping in with ds too though. And won't let him do an overnight at his parents because ds is too young.

I'm glad I haven't married a total cunt so grit my teeth and don't (often) moan about it.

Thanks! I suppose I feel like our relationship isn't prioritised and I feel a bit resentful.

Thanks dressing, I probably should be more grateful and less moany

I lay down with every baby. Had 3 was at least an hour with each... oldest now 25 youngest 17 ... that's a lot of years seeing S I did it until they were about 2 . (Others in between ) . If this was mum doing it and dad complaining, MN would be telling you to LTB for being so 'controlling' ... (it's not btw)

I’d take advantage and book myself into a lovely hotel for the night! Dinner with a book, then sleep until ten the following day with no toddler or DH snoring....oh wait, that’s my dream 🤦🏻‍♀️

I do it with my son most nights, he usually gets in with me around 3am, if he doesn’t I tend to get in his bed. In a few years he’ll be a grumpy grunting teenager, I don’t want to miss out on time with him while he still wants it.

Mine are 5 though.... I dont suppose they will want him there for much longer anyway, they are getting so grown up in many ways!

Thunder - great idea!

Aww, I really understand where you're coming from but I also really understand why he does it too. It's quite a nice thing to be annoyed about. This is the content we sometimes need....