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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not think 26 is young to be pregnant

190 replies

User54047 · 08/02/2020 18:55

My friend has recently announced that she’s pregnant. I’m delighted for her however she’s getting a lot of comments from people saying she’s too young and that she will regret it when she’s older. She’s recently brought a house with her partner and both have stable jobs.

OP posts:
BossAssBitch · 09/02/2020 10:24

Well by today’s standards, 26 is very young to be having a baby, I was nowhere near ready (I socialised and travelled loads in my mid - late twenties, and beyond) but if your friend is ready it’s no one else’s business.

HairyFloppins · 09/02/2020 10:26

I had mine at 20 and 25 and glad I did. People complain about whatever age you are.

Ferrochrome · 09/02/2020 13:18

First at 25, having gone to uni and 4 years into a great career. Second at 27 and last at 29. Am also now a business owner and was mortgage free at 27. People always say you won't be financially stable in your 20s, rubbish I outearn DH who is 15 years older and works in finance in the City so an additional rate taxpayer. Also I don't know what I'm missing out on, as we can afford a nanny, holidays and anything the kids want (not that they get it). I wasn't a big drinker or into partying but can easily go out or for a weekend away with friends if I choose too but much prefer to be home with my babies.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 09/02/2020 13:21

it's not young it's a great age. I'd want marriage first though.

Urkiddingright · 09/02/2020 13:22

No it’s not too young at all.

Teateaandmoretea · 09/02/2020 13:31

If she waited 10yrs they would say she is too old!

^exactly this.

It really really irritates me all the handwringing over the right time. All that actually bloody matters whether you are early 20s to mid-40s is if it's the right time for you. Younger than early 20s is too young and I realise that we'll have loads of people who were great mums at 18 but my opinion is leave it a couple of years enjoy being a legal adult for a bit first! But 26^ really...? 😂🤷🏻‍♀️.

She's a grown woman who knows her own mind, not a school girl.

Sorry about the italics, it's a weird quirk of the app that I can't change it back.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 09/02/2020 13:34

How things have changed, my mum had me at 26 and was considered old, this was in the 70s

Ferrochrome · 09/02/2020 13:47

@stormyweathermast

Right?! DC1 is at private school and in my area most mums were 40+ when they had their first. I get a lot of rude comments about marrying for money and how they chose their careers. Most are north of 50 with 4/5 year olds but the most horrendous attitude to anyone who did things differently.

I get so pissed off and want to scream at them. I dare not tell them I'm actually a qualified professional and outearn my DH (and most of them) despite him being pretty successful himself.

I have never commented on them being too old to be mums. I wonder why the need to put me down.

Durgasarrow · 09/02/2020 13:49

It's a great age to have a child.

TheyDoDoThat · 09/02/2020 13:51

I was 25

Teateaandmoretea · 09/02/2020 14:06

Right?! DC1 is at private school and in my area most mums were 40+ when they had their first. I get a lot of rude comments about marrying for money and how they chose their careers. Most are north of 50 with 4/5 year olds but the most horrendous attitude to anyone who did things differently.

There lies the problem, there is a set of people who think that the way they did things is right and that everyone else is wrong. It works the other way too, MIL constantly lectures about the 20s being the best time to have a baby (even if you don't want one). I don't understand why people can't just let others get on with their lives and why what others do matters so much 🙄

Ferrochrome · 09/02/2020 14:18

I think whatever anyone chooses you shouldn't put them down for their choice. Digs about being too young, not having disposable income, not being married, being too old, using donor eggs or IVF to conceive etc are unnecessary (all factual things I have heard said to myself or others).

We make the best decisions for ourselves based on our individual circumstances

doadeer · 09/02/2020 15:24

It depends where you live I think. I've just turned 30 and every baby group I've gone to for the past year I've been the youngest mum. Average age is 38ish

Reginabambina · 09/02/2020 15:31

I had my children early and am looking forward to having a very limited parenting burden from my forties onwards once they’ve finished school. Oddly enough people with adult children all seemed to think that I’d made the right choice (which is very reassuring!). I guess a lot of people look back on their twenties as a time when they went on their adventures etc but I crammed that all in to a couple of years in my late teens so can’t say I feel like I’m missing out on anything.

Gorse · 09/02/2020 15:35

When I had my second at 26 I was described as "Geriatric Mother" by the admittance staff in hospital. When I queried it they said that was how the NHS viewed pregnant women of my age. Have to say, it was a long time ago...

lemonysnickett88 · 09/02/2020 20:57

Geriatric is 35+ so it must have really been a long time ago.

LindaJoh · 09/02/2020 21:03

I got got married at 17, & had my son 17 months later, I'm now 66 & yes I would do things a lot different if I had my time over again, but 26 is is not to young, but that's only my opinion it's down to the individual.

thepeopleversuswork · 09/02/2020 21:26

Got to be honest, it would have been far too young for me. I wouldn't have wanted to burden in my 20s. I wouldn't have been able to do a lot of the stuff I did: working, travelling, building friendships, footloose and fancy free.

Obviously its fine if you're reasonably solvent and in a stable relationship and I'm sure there are millions of people who make it work very happily but I wouldn't have wanted to limit my options that young.

But anyone who presumes to tell women what age they should be having kids is a dick anyway and best ignored.

Fixedterm · 09/02/2020 23:00

I’m 30 ( no kids)and I don’t think 26 is young for baby. Most of my friends had first kids early 20s.

copperoliver · 09/02/2020 23:06

I was a few weeks off 26. Never regretted it x

Gorse · 09/02/2020 23:06

Lemonysnicket,
Yup, 40 years 😱

Esspee · 09/02/2020 23:12

I had ELDERLY PRIMAGRAVID noted on my chart when in the maternity ward. I was 28!!!

Sleepycat91 · 09/02/2020 23:20

I had my 1st 5 days after my 22nd bday and my 2nd just after my 28th. I do find people presume DC2 is my 1st though

mamabear2409 · 09/02/2020 23:27

That's crazy! I'm 23 with 2 young children 🤷🏽‍♀️ definitely agree that's a great age to start a family

florababy84 · 09/02/2020 23:41

I had ELDERLY PRIMAGRAVID noted on my chart when in the maternity ward. I was 28!!!

Really? That seems like a mistake, surely. Does anyone know why that would be?