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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not think 26 is young to be pregnant

190 replies

User54047 · 08/02/2020 18:55

My friend has recently announced that she’s pregnant. I’m delighted for her however she’s getting a lot of comments from people saying she’s too young and that she will regret it when she’s older. She’s recently brought a house with her partner and both have stable jobs.

OP posts:
IJumpedAboardAPirateShip · 09/02/2020 04:39

I was also 25, honestly you DO feel young because everyone else seems to start in their 30’s, my eldest is now 11 and my peers are finally having their babies. It’s nice to always feel young at the school gate though

IJumpedAboardAPirateShip · 09/02/2020 04:40

PP mentioned being a good age for grandchildren too (if she gets them) - my mum was 24 when she had me so I made her a granny on the cusp of her 50th birthday and it was amazing for her to be so hands on and able with them

florababy84 · 09/02/2020 07:09

There is a small window between around 28 and 32 when society deems women neither "too young" nor "too old" to have babies. It's basically just another stick to beat us with.

Absolutely.

Bluerussian · 09/02/2020 07:26

Your friend is young but not too young. As long as she and her husband/partner are ready, I see no problem. Other people should mind their own business!

Smileyaxolotl1 · 09/02/2020 07:31

26 is a very sensible age, I would think. And probably ideal from a medical perspective.

But as others have said it does depend on your area/social demographic/ education.
I only know 2 people who had children at that age and neither are educated past A level or have professional jobs. I had mine at 36 and 38 and feel very average compared to people I know/school mums.

And to the poster above with the friend with 11 children. Unless she uses private education and healthcare for the whole family she is still a massive drain on the economy, and that’s without the massive environmental impact.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 09/02/2020 07:39

It depends on where you live, your social circle and life circumstances. I was the first to get pregnant in my close circle of friends, at 34, but we all went to university (21 before you're even looking for a career then you want to establish yourself in it, get promotions etc before mat leave), we live within commuting distance of London so property is expensive and we all wanted to own a home before having children or saving for a deposit becomes impossible, and most of us chose to be married before children and all love to travel, there were things I wanted to do prior to 'settling down' DH too. To do all of those things before 26 having only graduated at 21 (not accounting for post grad) would've been very difficult, so 26 would've been too young.
However some people go to work at 16 or don't care about being married or are gifted a house deposit, so timelines are different

CakeandCustard28 · 09/02/2020 07:51

I had my first at 19, second at 24. Your friend isn’t to young at all.

IanSomerhalderIsAGod · 09/02/2020 07:53

I got married at 22 and had my first at 26. Not young or old at all.

Snog · 09/02/2020 07:59

I would think teenage is comparatively young and over 40 comparatively old - but I wouldn't actually say so as I think it would be rude to comment in this way.

Mummyzzz044 · 09/02/2020 08:02

I love reading the comments saying its young Smile had my first baby last year at 26. People before hand was telling me my time was running out. I went to the dr for contraceptive pill at 24 or 25 and he actually asked me am I sure I want it because I'm not very young. I was very upset.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 09/02/2020 08:24

mummy since the average age of a first pregnancy is now 28 the people you spoke to (plus your doctor) are all clearly idiots!
Enjoy your baby! X

Merlotmum85 · 09/02/2020 08:36

No not too young at all! I think our perception of the "right time" to have a baby is way out of sync with nature. I had my dd at 21, that was very young but on the flip side I now have my life back and moving quickly up the career ladder while my peers are taking career breaks and having sleepless nights.

mrsm12 · 09/02/2020 08:38

I had my first at 26 and last at 32, (4dc in total) I didn't feel too young and I'm glad to be finished now at 34 rather than just starting my journey like many of my friends

MrsBrentford · 09/02/2020 08:40

Young? I had my 3rd at 26 - (in 2002 not 1950)

lowlandLucky · 09/02/2020 09:35

My friend had a child at 40 and second ne at 43, she hates the fact i can go out when i like, go on holidays or weekends away at the drop of a hat and can laze around if i need to, She feels she will now be trapped until she is in her 60s

MsChatterbox · 09/02/2020 09:41

Like pp said its all relative. In terms of egg health, she is a very good age. I had my first at 24. Pregnant with my second now at 27. I am younger than some mums in playgroups but I am very happy with the age I'm having my children.

idontlike789 · 09/02/2020 09:41

I think to say to someone they are too young and will regret is a terrible thing to say after she has announced pregnancy. I had my dd late teens she is now a adult . I admit I'd hate for her to have a child as young but of course I don't regret it .
I've always been a mother and quite grown up from a young age so from age 18 I owned my own home and had a child , I eventually married by dd dad and we are still together. It's extremely hard work whatever age you are , I know people in 30s, 40s who honestly really need to grow up and I think they are too immature to be parents.

stormyweathermast · 09/02/2020 09:44

I was 27 with my first and cannot even imagine having any more now I'm 34 and so dog tired all the time
I was in an established marriage, financially secure and dc at private school now.
Hardly a recipe for disaster and I've also learned that even having all of the above can change pretty quickly at any age.

Being at a private school I do get some condescending comments from some of the older mums & most mums at the school are older than me. They chose their careers etc but also being at private schools you hear the heartache it took to have the dc so much later in life. A lot of the mums in my 6 yo class are pushing 50+ and many ended up with ivf multiples so it's not necessarily such a great things to wait and wait either.

x2boys · 09/02/2020 09:48

Presumably your friend could go.out whenever she wanted or on holiday at the drop.of a hat for many years before she had children in her 40,s @lowlandLucky? It's swings and roundabouts I didn't meet my dh until I was 31 I had my boys at 33 and 36 i had years of impromptu nights out before that ,there is no right or wrong age it depends when you meet someone you want to have children with ,how settled you are etc ,etc

stepbystepdoula · 09/02/2020 09:50

If they are happy it's nothing to do with anyone else. All pregnant women have concerns, as a friend you can support her with that. 💚

Franticbutterfly · 09/02/2020 09:50

Had my first at 26, and it was the perfect age to start. I had another one 3 years after and another 2.5 years after that. Great age gaps. If Id have started Sooner I’d probably have had more.

x2boys · 09/02/2020 09:51

It's not always a case of waiting and waiting stormyweather as I said not every one meets the person they want to have children with in their 20,s .

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 09/02/2020 09:52

I was 22, 4 in their 40's now and ten grandchildren

Chocolatedaim · 09/02/2020 09:52

Honestly why are people dickheads
If she waited 10yrs they would say she is too old!

rbmilliner · 09/02/2020 09:59

You can as a parent at 16 as you can 45. No ones business when or how she starts a family so long as she can love and support her child.