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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you really think happens when you die?

259 replies

Tunnocks34 · 07/02/2020 13:11

I’d describe myself as agnostic. I’d like to think God exists, and heaven exists but logically I think it’s probably unlikely.

My grandads mum died this week, she was asleep really for her final days, and in the run up to her death she’s been quiet, and not really present, however, the second before she died, she opened her eyes, smiled (her face in all honestly wall almost glowing with joy) and shouted ‘Mama, Mama’ and then she died.

I’d love to think her mum came to get her and take her to heaven or an afterlife but the logics part tells me it was probably something neurological. Might ignore my logical side though because I like the other possibility better!

OP posts:
kitk · 07/02/2020 13:13

I'd love that to be true, but I read your brain can live for a few minutes after death and I think that if you have a belief of what happens when you pass and you hear yourself being pronounced dead, your brain may create your belief in those last few moments if that makes sense? I don't honestly believe there is an afterlife but I'd like to believe there were

puds11 · 07/02/2020 13:15

I’m sorry for your loss Flowers

You decompose, are re absorbed into the earth and therefore technically live forever in different forms.

LisBethSalander07 · 07/02/2020 13:15

I used to work in a nursing home and after seeing several people when they'd passed, I'm utterly convinced that there is nothing. You can tell that the person is no longer there - and it's our working organs that make that happen.

Our hearts stop, our brains stop, and any visions/lights are just lack of blood supply/oxygen.

We don't have souls/spirits. It's just blackness.

Oddly enough, I've found it very comforting.

custardbear · 07/02/2020 13:16

Said this story before but my mum always said she's make it thunderstorm when she dies becuSe my gran, her mum, had a storm on her funereal day and lightening hit our house causing a small damage but nothing serious.
Literally 20'mins after my mum died we had three supercells storms over thenUK - two of them were over when I live and my brother lives .. really weird ... 28 June 2012 ... they're recorded as massive storms and even on wiki Shock

BlooperReel · 07/02/2020 13:17

I would love to believe you are welcomed with open arms by those you loved who have gone before you when you die, it would give me so much comfort. Logically though I just can't quite get there.

What I think is more likely, is that all consciousness ends, and you simply 'cease'.

Figgygal · 07/02/2020 13:17

Agree with lizBeth you just stop, the brain fires, you go to sleep and that’s it

Terrifies me and wish I could believe in something other but it’s just too fantastical

Caramel78 · 07/02/2020 13:18

I don’t believe in an afterlife although would love it to be true. I think you decompose and become part of the earth. It’ll jus be like a light going out and you’re not aware that you’re dead because your brain no longer functions.

Newfloorlamp · 07/02/2020 13:20

That's lovely and comforting that she was so happy. If I look at other animals and what I think happens to them, I think the same thing happens to us. I think we die and that's it and we go back to the earth and decompose. I don't think anything different happens to humans than orangutans or elephants or whales or any other animal. And I don't think we all wonder around in a heaven version of earth with every being that ever lived including all the dinosaurs either. Other people believe all sorts of things but the only story that makes sense to me is that our body dies and so do we. If we get to decide what happens then I'd like a garden and a beach and my dh and dc and some friends and the afterlife to essentially be a quiet after party where you can all relax together.

iklboo · 07/02/2020 13:20

I think you just stop being. BUT if it brings you comfort to believe loved ones passed greet you, it's nobody else's business to trample over that.

There'll be no decomposing & return to Earth for me. I'm being cremated.

BossAssBitch · 07/02/2020 13:21

I'd love to believe that flights of angels see me to my rest.

What I actually believe is nothing happens, we die, the end.

Theknacktoflying · 07/02/2020 13:22

Love the Buddhist lite take on life ... you are returned to dust and you live in the good memories of those you leave behind ...

Mia1415 · 07/02/2020 13:22

@LisBethSalander07 I saw my Mum shortly after she died and agree that her body was just a shell. She wasn't there at all. My Mum had absolutely gone. I didn't expect to feel that way.
However I'd like to think that there is more to it than that. I've experienced many strange occurrences that lead me to think that our souls live on somehow.

There is so much we don't know. Think of the universe and space. What is beyond it? What is the point? Why are any of us here? It makes my head hurt but is also strangely comforting at the same time. No matter how bad my troubles are, I'm actually just a tiny, little spec in the great scheme of things.

kateybeth79 · 07/02/2020 13:25

I believe its just like before you were born - nothing. In a way it's more comforting because if the worst happened and one of my children passed before me when they were still quite young, how horrible would it be for them to be taken away from everyone they know and love and just have wait in heaven (or wherever) for one of us to die to be reunited!

Tombakersscarf · 07/02/2020 13:27

I believe in an afterlife though I don't know what form it will take.

windycuntryside · 07/02/2020 13:28

You stop breathing. People that love and care for you, cry. You are dead. That’s it. I believe you live on in people’s memory and through your children. My wonderfully poetic child told me once I am now immortal, because of them.

BrimfulofSasha · 07/02/2020 13:28

Theknacktoflying

I love that.

I actually hope nothing happens, you just stop existing. That is the thought that makes me most at peace with it all. Heaven may be heavenly but if it's for eternity that's going to become trying after a while.

Tombakersscarf · 07/02/2020 13:28

I don't see how seeing a body after death lets you know there was nothing after. If you believe in a soul you would also believe it had left the body.
No proof for my beliefs but a lot of people share them OP.

SebandAlice · 07/02/2020 13:33

I don’t think you live very long in memories either. I never met my great grandparents and never give them much thought.

NooNooHead · 07/02/2020 13:34

Nothing happens, as far as my beliefs go. I think your electrical activity in your brain may last a couple of minutes after your heart stops, but once you are gone, that's it. To be honest, I am hoping it is like that as the thought of eternal life is actually quite distressing - if you end up in emotional or physical pain, there would be no escape.

It is probably just like passing out or having a general anesthetic.

Mariagatzs12 · 07/02/2020 13:34

I recommend you watch the Good Place a very interesting show about the afterlife. I'd like to believe there's something else. I haven't felt it with any of my close family who's passed away but oddly have seen it with my cat. She was black and I swear I can see her and feel her sometimes.

PlausibleSuit · 07/02/2020 13:34

I like the Buddhist wave idea recently shown on The Good Place of a human life being a temporary manifestation of energy that has always existed and always will exist, just in different forms. Just because a wave crashes on the shore and vanishes, doesn't mean the water that made it ceases to exist. It's still there; just dissipated into the sand or rocks, invisible but still existing. Just not in a form that is available to us any more.

Similarly, ideas of heaven and hell shouldn't be taken literally. They're not 'places'. Instead, they're about how a person is remembered and talked about after they're gone, based on what they did when they were alive.

Peacenquiet2 · 07/02/2020 13:41

I've been with people during the dying process and shortly after they have passed, due to my work and some family, and it's a strange feeling that the presence is no longer there even though the body is. I'm far from religious, in fact I'm quite atheist really and have never followed any faith or have belief in God per say. However, this feeling does make me wonder, is that feeling that the soul has left? Or just that the person is no longer breathing etc? The body is clearly there, there is still a physical presence, but there's something that's missing that you can't place a finger on. None of us truly know what will happen, and as a poster above said, we live in a massive universe with lots of 'unknowns', the very fact we are here at all is a phenomenon to me. One thing about it, one day we will all find out.

KarmaStar · 07/02/2020 13:42

Flowers so sorry for the loss of your great grandma.
Oh yes she was indeed collected by her mum and taken to a beautiful place where after a period in sleep state she will emerge with no ailments and as free and happy as you can imagine,and then some.
This is the place we leave to be born and as we do so our relatives and friends are as saddened to lose them as we are when they return.
I've no doubt she will return to keep an eye on you all.
You will all meet again one day.
There will be absolute disbelievers on this thread and that is absolutely fine.
But I know without a doubt that it is what it is.🌈

pointythings · 07/02/2020 13:44

I believe that you end and that your component molecules and energy return to the universe and end up being part of lots of other things.

Cooroo · 07/02/2020 13:44

Death is the end. But I can understand why it is so tempting to believe it's otherwise. I'd love to see mum and dad and my older sister.
I liked the take in The Good Place - heaven's great, but there comes a time when you're ready to cease existence.
I'll be surprised and delighted if I find I have continued consciousness - but I'd have some very searching questions for God!