To tell him I love him.

[easyon]

It's one of those situations where the timing always seems wrong. One or both of us has been in relationship.
I am now single for many many months and he is in a relationship. It's committed but they do not live together or have any plans to so according to him.
Since he has found out that I am single , I feel that he has ramped up contact and seems more flirtatious and interested in us spending time together.
We are close for years and years and there has been something there for a long time , on both sides.
I buried this when in a relationship and he also did at the beginning of his. We spoke about it and agreed that all the contact was Iinappropriate so we both detached .
The thing is, I love him.
Do I leave well enough alone or tell him.
Wwyd?

I would tell him. Ask him does he feel the same. If not then step away and respect his relationship and the other girl.

It's not fair on her at all. But there definitely has to be closure for you. Do it now because they progress any further. I'd hate for them to move in together. Maybe children involved and then you both decide you want to be together and it's so much more complicated.

Ahh well I'd throw caution to the wind and tell him. You only live once. If he decides to end his relationship knowing how you feel about him, that's his choice. At the moment he doesn't know how you feel so is trying to make his relationship work. If he knows how you feel, and stays with her, that at least gives you the courage to move on and be happy with someone else. Good luck

Honestly, grow up! And get some standards. Who wants a guy who asks out his female 'friend' for all these weekends away and slumber parties at her house and dumps when he gets a better offer? You post thread after thread about this guy. Distance yourself from him. You just do the 'I'll see what happens' because you want to hang onto him when he's a bit of a sleazebag. That's tragic.

I think it’s a bit of a fantasy too

Truly, if he wanted to be with you he would have certainly made that clear by now. He was more than happy to see you date and sleep with your ex parters - if he was in love with you that would have been tough on his feelings surely? He would have surely told you how he feels? But no, he carried on dating as normal, he doesn’t want you.

You need to move on - with someone else! Don’t wait around for him! He should just been off limits now because I think he’s a bit sleazy and is just stringing you along, even if it’s just for the ego boost.

I haven’t even seen the previous threads yet came to the same conclusion as the posters that did!

I would tell him. It may be nothing about wanting an affair. It could be he is afraid you don't feel the same way back. Tell him. Get it out in the open and then go from there. Life is too short to hang around wasting energy on maybes. At least you will know one way or another.
If you don't you will never know.
I personally would want too.

I can then put on some Boundaries and tell him that I'm not interested in anything until he finishes with her

You say you know how it feels to be dumped for the other woman... This would be you giving him the option of dumping her for the other woman (you).

Don't do it OP it's not right.

If you’ve got such a strong connection why is he with someone else?

I think he sounds like a bit of a dick. He’s treating both you and his girlfriend really shittily.

I am not going to do it. I am going to pull away for good now. No good can come of it . If he can do it with me he will do it to me .

Yes, that’s very likely.

You can do the things you enjoy and previously did with him, alone, on organised things, with your friends - and / or a new boyfriend!

Some people just like stringing others along for fun🙄

For your own sake, let him go.

Another thing that would annoy me about this is that he’s happy to spend time in private with you, yet he is publicly is dating his current gf/exes. He’s publicly owning them - not you if that makes sense? Like you’re the side woman, because he could have made it official with you but didn’t.

I am surprised at all the judgemental and negative replies. Life and relationships aren’t always black and white. This situation is definitely within a grey area, especially as they aren’t living together or married. He may have no idea how you feel but I can understand that he might not gamble his current relationship if he is unsure how you feel. We don’t all end up with the man or woman of our dreams and it’s reasonable to “settle” to some extent. You might possibly be the girls of his dreams but he thinks you don’t feel the same.
Why not tell him how you feel and if he feels the same don’t as much as kiss him until he has finished his current relationship. Which he should do promptly.
If he isn’t interested in you, or strings you along then at least you know for sure.
Take a risk! You only live once.