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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this was rude

107 replies

happilysinglemum · 07/02/2020 07:25

My mum died a few weeks ago. They say after she died my ex sent this message: O .k , I fully understand this is going to be a difficult time and a great deal to sort out but I’m concerned about the boys believing I’m being set aside again just as I have been in the passed,especially over Christmas.I’m not wishing to be difficult but at this stressful time I do expect respect as the boys father and ofcourse my roll as Son in-law and again Bother and Sister in law until you decide to do as remains outstanding by law. As I have already expressed I will help out to ease the stress at anytime.

Background is that we’ve been separated 5 years, not divorced and at Christmas he told me I had an obligation to host him on Christmas Day as we were still married (2 children) I didn’t and spent the day with my Mum and the rest of my family. Until this message he spent most Saturdays at my house seeing the children.

Was this message rude?

OP posts:
SaskiaRembrandt · 07/02/2020 08:11

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

Of course you don't have to have him at your house at Christmas. And he isn't entitled to be the centre of your world while you are grieving - or at any other time.

I can't imagine why you would want to stay shackled to such an awful person. Go to see a solicitor, initiate divorce proceedings, and get proper contact sorted out for your children.

SaskiaRembrandt · 07/02/2020 08:13

Soorry, cross posted - agree with PP, if he wants respect he can start paying to support the children he claims to care so much about. Get in touch with the CMS and set that in motion.

I also suspect he's hoping for a share of any inheritance.

BaolFan · 07/02/2020 08:15

Initiate the divorce proceedings. I know you have to pay court fees but get it done - it puts boundaries firmly in place and also tells this ghastly man that he has no place or relevance in your life any more. His relationship with his children is entirely separate and his business.

I wouldn't respond to the text. Silence is a powerful weapon; use it. All of these ridiculous demands - using your house for weekend contact and expecting to be hosted for Christmas - are a cry for attention. Ignore him and get on with the divorce.

BaolFan · 07/02/2020 08:16

And you need to make it clear on your forms when your date of separation was, so that there is a clear line in the sand in respect of any inheritance coming to you - i.e. he shouldn't share in it.

HoppingPavlova · 07/02/2020 08:18

In all seriousness I would have responded: O.k, get fucked.

Job done and then ignore except for anything directly related to the kids, which this is not.

Absolutepowercorrupts · 07/02/2020 08:22

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers
He's coming across as an entitled twat. Making everything about him.
..... until you decide to do as remains outstanding by law.......
This reads as though he's been watching too many American crime drama shows and he thinks he's entitled to any inheritance you may receive.

Weenurse · 07/02/2020 08:22

So sorry for your loss 💐

Rumnraisin · 07/02/2020 08:23

“Was this message rude?”

I don’t think rude comes close - sounds like it was written by a true narcissist.

Thinkingabout1t · 07/02/2020 08:25

Sorry for your loss, OP. Your X is a selfish jerk. I hope you get divorced before he gets his hands on anything you inherit.

mantarays · 07/02/2020 08:26

I don’t really understand what he’s going on about. Definitely sounds like a twat, though.

FlowerArranger · 07/02/2020 08:28

What @BaolFan said.

You need to file and protect your assets, including a potential inheritance from your Mum.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

Alisaslisa · 07/02/2020 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CameFromAway · 07/02/2020 08:30

So sorry for your loss, OP.

Your ex sounds a right piece of work.

Fivetillmidnight · 07/02/2020 08:32

When you say court fees OP , do you mean the fee you have to pay the court when you submit your petition , or fees for lawyers.

If it's the former, complete the 'help with fees form' you income has to be really quite high before you aren't allowed any discount. There's a calculator to work it out.

If the latter, do you need a lawyer ? Myself and many I know have self represented rather than remain married to an arse. The judges are very used to it since the abolition of legal aid (except in certainDV cases)

boireannach · 07/02/2020 08:33

He's expecting an inheritance................

Gertrudesgarden · 07/02/2020 08:34

He's insensitive, for sure. Perhaps he was very fond of your Mum, but its still a terribly insensitive message. A simple offer of support, maybe taking the kids a few more times to give you a break, wold have been more thoughtful.

HazelBite · 07/02/2020 08:38

He is expecting inheritance and trying to emphasise his "roll" (role) within the family to confirm his entitlement.
The awful thing is as you are not divorced he could be so entitled even though you have been separated for a long time.
This happened to a friend of mine!

JayAlfredPrufrock · 07/02/2020 08:38

Me me me.

ilikefastcars · 07/02/2020 08:40

Selfish fucker! He can fuck off to the other side of fuck!

helberg · 07/02/2020 08:46

until you decide to do as remains outstanding by law.

What the hell is this supposed to mean?
His whole message is pretty much incomprehensible.

Sorry for your loss. It's so awful losing a parent and the last thing you need is some ex interfering and making it all about him.

I think you need to divorce him ASAP. Get to a solicitor - I know it's terribly hard when you're grieving. Having to take something else on can seem like too much at this awful time but it has to be done.
You also need advice about what happens in the event of an inheritance - is he entitled to some of this because you're still married?

WhatsTheLatest · 07/02/2020 08:53

Why are you asking now if this happened a few weeks ago? Has he ramped up his weird behavior?

Sound to me like he is trying to appear intelligent in his text, but failing and just looks like a self-centered tit

BillHadersNewWife · 07/02/2020 08:53

His fucking 'ROLL"!??? I'd be going no contact with the illiterate wanker.

Orangeblossom78 · 07/02/2020 09:02

YANBU. As an aside, any way you can claim some kind of legal aid to cover the costs?

GabriellaMontez · 07/02/2020 09:06

Not so much rude. Deluded, insane, self absorbed.

Agree, check if you can get a discount on the legal fees. Stop having him in your home. At all. He can wait at the door.

Sorry for your loss.

BlackeyedSusan · 07/02/2020 09:13

I was upset when fil died, but no where near so as his children. It would have been twattish to make it about me.