Money

[getyaminkehout]

To ask for the child benefit money..

I do work but only one day a week, partner works full time and has done for 10+ years. I'm just feeling low as any problems I seem to have all stem from having little to no money.

Sorry this is my first time posting so I have left a lot of info out. He does have his own money after bills are paid. Some months more than others, on a lower pay month he usually has around £300 left for himself.

Have you talked to your partner about this? Is he refusing you access to the money to keep control or is he oblivious to the fact that after petrol you don't have enough money to take your dd out?

No he's aware that I'm struggling for money. This is just the first time I've asked him for the child benefit money

Do you not have access to the bills account?

He has left over money for himself and there's usually some left over in the bill account, but not a lot. I don't take anything from this account only food shopping. My money is for fuel, personal items, taking my daughter out etc

If he has 300 left you should have 150 each and joint access to all accounts.

You need to start taking fuel out of that account.

We did have financial discussions prior to having our daughter. He told me not to go back to work but I did for myself really. I'm unsure what his intentions were if I wasn't returning to work.

If he has 300 left you should have 150 each and joint access to all accounts.

She has $240 each month, so she should also split that 50/50. And the fuel and stuff for your daughter shops come out of the bill account. If you have access to the account, and there's money left but you're choosing not to use it, it doesn't sound like he's keeping you from using it.

I’m confused

I thought CHild Benefits always got paid directly to the mother?

Child benefit is for the child. So if you need it to spend on your child then i think you should ask for it.

@steff13 I'm not allowed to use that account for anything other than food shopping.

If our daughter needs anything like clothing I have to ask him first. Previously we have both gone shopping together and bought her clothing in bulk (his money from his savings)

All money for your dd, fuel, household stuff should come from the joint account.
Have you access to that account?

But she doesn’t have 240 because she spends it on fuel and essentials. All money should go in the pot and leftovers divided.

@AutumnRose1 you're right I do get it but he makes me send it to the "joint/bill" account.

Sorry - cross posted
He is financially abusing you
How fucking dare he not allow you to use the money in the joint account

My view was that our wages would go into an actual joint account and anything left over was for whatever we wanted within reason. He wasn't happy with that idea and that's why we do it this way.

But she doesn’t have 240 because she spends it on fuel and essentials.

Indeed, which is why I said in the latter part of my post that all those things should come out of the joint account. 🤷

OP

I’m going to be cruel to be kind now

Unless he is threatening you, he is not “making” you put the money in there.

If you are being threatened, please seek help

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

If I were you, I'd get a full-time job and then leave him.

I thought CHild Benefits always got paid directly to the mother?

No, it gets paid to one parent and you can choose which when you apply.

Very confusing post. What exactly do you pay for out of £240. Family fuel should be coming out of joint account.

So stop driving him anywhere if he won’t pay for fuel.

How can you refer to someone as your “partner” when you have to ask for money from him? Where’s the partnership there? You shouldn’t have to ask. You are supposed to be one household. He’s nothing more than a flat mate that you have sex with.

My view was that our wages would go into an actual joint account and anything left over was for whatever we wanted within reason. He wasn't happy with that idea and that's why we do it this way.

Lots of couples do it your way. The issue is you’re paying for fuel which should be coming from the bills account and you shouldn’t have to ask permission to buy clothes for your daughter.