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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex asking us to pay half of holiday

97 replies

StormBaby · 06/02/2020 16:20

AIBU in thinking this is the cheekiest thing you've ever heard? We take all the kids in our blended family on holiday. I personally have spent a lot of money on this in the last five years as I'm the main earner. Not a problem at all. Now DHs ex and her new DH wants to take the whole family away on a very expensive long haul holiday, and thinks we will be paying half. I have never heard of anything so ridiculous. I said I'd write her out an invoice for the ones we've had already in that case. And the two we are planning this year. 🤣

OP posts:
claireyjs · 06/02/2020 20:18

My ex goes halves on school trips and birthday parties but never my family holiday

MrsMoastyToasty · 06/02/2020 20:19

Are they going "Away Tae Fuck"?

hennyspennys · 06/02/2020 20:20

Are they going "Away Tae Fuck"?

No, that's in Scotland. The OP said they want to go to the Caribbean.

strawberry2017 · 06/02/2020 20:20

Wow that's massively cheeky of her. If she wants a holiday with all the kids she can pay. Simple.

Frequency · 06/02/2020 20:26

She is a CF but I kinda, night understand where she is coming from.

Can she afford nice holidays for them at all?

I'm asking because I can't but my ex-sil owns property abroad and my ex-h often takes my kids. I allow them to go but I won't deny I am bitterly, bitterly jealous and also pissed that he gets to experience those nice times with them and I can't afford it because I have to pay for the day to day costs of raising and he doesn't.

That being said, I would never dream of asking him or his sister to pay towards a family for me and the kids. I wouldn't refuse it if they offered to but I wouldn't ask. He usually tries asking me to pay towards his i.e buying holiday clothes since he's paid for the holiday or for their passports since he's paid for their flights. I tell him to fuck off. Even if I could afford to fund the things he was asking for I wouldn't give that cash to him. I would use it to spend some time with the kids myself doing something nice.

AddictedToLoveIsland · 06/02/2020 20:27

I remember at one point my (ex) partners ex wife asked for us to pay for half of all the things she signs the kids up to do when they are with her. We then said does she intend on paying for half of the things we sign the kids up for (swimming lessons etc) when they are with us? She very quickly backtracked.

The bottom line is that unless there is a financial agreement in place the all anyone needs to pay is CSA.

If she can't afford a holiday for all of them, then she can't afford it. They can go away in the UK; there are some beautiful places and they will save plenty of money therefore not needing to ask your DH for money.

NameChangeNugget · 06/02/2020 20:27

She sounds like a right knob

fairlyplump · 06/02/2020 20:52

Sounds as tho all us tax payers are paying for their holiday anyway, as you say then dont work, so take it they are claiming benefits !!! How is this possible?

Soontobe60 · 06/02/2020 21:03

I still can't figure out whose kids belong to who.
So we have four adults - OP, OPs DH, OPs DHs Ex and OPs DHs Exs DH? Who do all the children belong To?

MintyMabel · 06/02/2020 21:11

I personally have spent a lot of money on this in the last five years as I'm the main earner
And
And the two we are planning this year
But
We really struggle to manage as it is as we get very little support and DH is disabled

Doesn’t make sense.

Original poster
StormBaby · 06/02/2020 21:38

@MintyMabel it's really not that difficult to understand. I'm on just above minimum wage, DH is disabled but hasn't always been so, we get very little benefits. The ex gets everything covered by benefits. They have a lot more disposable income than we do. We prioritise taking all the kids away and budget accordingly, but we don't go to the Caribbean 🤣 Joys of having a job I guess.

OP posts:
Enko · 06/02/2020 21:47

@Soontobe60 as I understand it

OP has 3 children of her own (unsure if they are with her dh or from a previous relationship or a mix) that she is the biological mother too

Her dh has 3 children of his own that he is the biological father too with his X

X had 2 children from a previous relationship from before she got together with OPs now dh. These were very young when x and he got together so he has raised them like his own. Upon x and him parting he has continued to play a role in these 2 children's lives and they come to their home as a joint package of 5 children.

OP YANBU

crosstalk · 06/02/2020 22:33

Another one asking how you can afford to take 8 kids and 2 adults to the Caribbean if neither of you work.

Melissana · 06/02/2020 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
StormBaby · 06/02/2020 22:55

@crosstalk they have 6 kids in total, not 8(thats us lol), but that is the point. You can't afford to take that many people to the Caribbean without having a good job, hence them asking us for money. Idiots. Like I'm going to slave away at my poorly paid job while they sit at home, so they can go abroad somewhere nice. Laughable really

OP posts:
Durgasarrow · 06/02/2020 23:16

Cheeky fucker.

Letseatgrandma · 06/02/2020 23:22

In my 40 odd years of being alive, I actually don’t know anyone (as in, someone in my family or friends) who’s been on holiday to the Caribbean! Let alone families with large numbers of children where the parents don’t work.

Bizarre.

Original poster
StormBaby · 07/02/2020 14:35

Im still laughing about this quietly to myself this morning. I have roughly worked out the exs half of all her children's holidays paid for by me in the last 5 years, just in case she asks again so we have ammo. Ive paid out £500 more than she wants for her holiday, so I'd call that quits. 🙄

OP posts:
Blackandgreenteas · 07/02/2020 14:58

It would be a lovely thing for someone who can afford it to do, but no way do you/ he have that obligation! Crazy of her to ask!

strawberry2017 · 07/02/2020 21:50

Think she would be better if somewhere more reasonably priced, also it sounds like a destination for the adults to enjoy, the kids would likely be just as happy on a beach in Spain!

CastleCrasher · 07/02/2020 22:06

I'd reply enthusiasticly agreeing to pay the same percentage as she paid towards the last holiday you took them on and asking could she confirm how much that was as you can't remember... And then saying that you'll let her know how much her share of the upcoming Bali trip will be.... Grin

Oulu · 08/02/2020 23:10

There is no way that benefits would stretch to taking two people to the Caribbean, let alone 8.

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