To ask how people afford to have a second child?

[NotYourHun]

Now that DS is nearly 18 months, I’m starting to think about having a second. I’d love to start trying but I just don’t know how we would afford it! I’ve been back at work PT (24 hours) since he was 9 months but I know that my maternity pay would be so pitiful this time compared to last time (as I was FT then) that it hardly seems possible. We have a sizeable (but manageable) mortgage, only run one car (bought outright), very minimal savings, have a lot of family help with childcare so pay minimal nursery fees, and don’t spend much on going out or socialising. I just don’t know where we would be able to cut back!

Do people just wait until 30 hours funding will kick in? Do they go back to work FT first? I just don’t know how to make it work.

Yummy I actually get what you mean, when I was pregnant with our third the amount of people going on about how we would afford holidays and the fact that we would have to get a bigger car was something I couldn't get my head around.

We are talking about creating a whole human being who will be part of our lives forever - having to get a new car is really quite a minor sacrifice! And as for holidays - it's two weeks a year (for most people) - the idea that I would have forgone having my beloved daughter for that? For a couple of weeks a year in the sun? It blows my mind.

But... everyone has different priorities.

But equally I should say, I wouldn't have had a child we genuinely couldn't afford to have. But I'm talking about feeding and housing and clothing them etc.

second babies are not that expensive

But they grow up into children that are.

We can't afford it, and if we wait until our first is in school I'll be 42, so we're just having one 🤷

It was me who said I like my lifestyle and spaced my kids out for partly that reason. However, I believe people are deliberately misinterpreting what I said. I said I wanted a school aged age gap and listed several reasons:

1. Want to put both through private secondary but not paying two lots of fees at the same time.

1. We’d prefer not to have to support 2 kids going through uni at the same time (I had to work 2 jobs through uni and although I would wish for them to have summer jobs etc, I found having to work to survive and go to uni at the same time, detrimental to my enjoyment at uni).

1. We want to overpay our mortgage to end it as quickly as possible.

1. I didn’t find the baby and toddler years easy, two at the same time would’ve probably finished me off and I don’t think we would’ve enjoyed the early years if we were dealing with a baby and toddler at the same time. Some people can cope easily with two small kids, I admit that I don’t think I could.

5. We have a nice lifestyle, and although some people are happy to spend years caravaning in the UK and living pay day to pay day, we’re not and that’s a totally valid choice. We work FT, get generous annual leave and enjoy travelling with our kids at every opportunity and doing fun things which can sometimes be expensive. I’d die for my kids but I don’t see why we need to make sacrifices that are unnecessary for us. I’ve seen too many people die before they reach retirement so I’m going to enjoy my life at the same time as having my kids whilst they’re young. Plus they enjoy seeing their parents happy.

1. Points that I didn’t add was that during the gap between the kids, I was promoted 3 times and now earn more than double what I did with DC1. As I’ve built up a good rep, I can now also work very flexibly.

1. I’m personally not that caught up in the belief that small age gaps equals BFFs as DB1 and I are 18 months apart and whilst close when young, have been NC for over 10 years whilst DB2 and I who are 5 years apart are close. DH is also closest to his sibling with the widest age gap than he is with the closest age gap. We believe that in our experiences, as we’ve gotten older, the gap matters less than the personalities.

In a nutshell, I answered the OPs question honestly. We are all different. I have 2 kids who I love to death and who love each other - the younger one practically idolises the older one. I haven’t prioritised holidays over either of them which has been implied. I made different choices to some other posters and just don’t get the big deal about trying to have two close together due to my own personal experiences and that’s a valid choice for DH and I to make so no need for the snark.

4 year age gap.

DS was born a few weeks before DD started school. Once her 30 hours funding kicked it, we started saving money to help with maternity leave.

It’s worked out well as I’ve been able to support DD as she settled into school as I was on maternity leave.

It will be hard returning to work, juggling nursery and school and paying for nursery and after school club. But I’m going back 3 days as that works out best in terms of income v childcare for us.

My Dad always said that if you wait to have children till you can afford them then you'll never have them.

We had 2 under 2. I'm on mat leave now. It's tight and will get tighter but all of the reasons for having DC1 when we did still stood for having DC2 soon after. We've got a lifestyle that is very different to before, we probably won't go abroad for a few years, we now drive second hand cars but we're happy. You do what works for you.

I have 11 months between ds1& ds2 (not planned!) and then a just under 3 year gap before dd. I'm a nurse so work shifts, my husband is in IT and can work from home a couple of days a week and so we manage childcare between us. No grandparents nearby.

When both boys were in childcare the cost completely cancelled my wage out but thats how it goes. I worked 30 hours until i had dd, i now work 24 hrs per week, picking up extra shifts as and when needed.

We do make sacrifices - holidays abroad, nights out, my career progression (temporarily!) but its the choice we made and i dont regret it. Dd will start school this September so things should pick up a bit financially as i increase my hours.

I suppose we were lucky in having a small mortgage and i owned my car outright - minimal outgoings when on my back to back maternity leaves.

We had four close together and paid very little childcare because we mainly worked around each other. Dh always worked 9-5 and I worked part time nights/ evenings/ weekend. Not ideal and very exhausting.

I had mine before there was any free funding for nursery places.

Second baby - I worked up to 9 days overdue, then had 3 months maternity leave, then started back at work part time to bring in some extra cash.

Worked evenings while DH worked days, so we didn't have childcare costs.

Lived in a teeny tiny house.

Super stingy about everything.

DH was a teacher back then, so did lots of extra exam marking to make more money, and got jobs in the holidays.

All quite knackering, then I got unexpectedly pregnant with baby #3. At that point I actually can't remember how we survived at all, but here we are 14 years later all alive and well.

Went back to work full time after DC1 and decided to try to have DC2 when funded hours kicked in or when DC1 started school. DC2 arrived 4 months before DC1 started school so I was on maternity leave when DC1 had their settling/staggered sessions during the first 2 weeks at school, which was very helpful.

We timed second pregnancy so that i went back pregnant but mat pay would be based on full pay. I went back full time but used all my holidays to only work 4 days a week.

After second was born i went back 3 days and used in laws for 1 day and nursery for 2 days. It was hard in the early days but ds turned 3 after 6 months so we got some funding then 19 months later dd was 3 so more funding.

We could never have afforded 3 though which I had wanted (pleased now to only have 2).

I’ve been wondering about this myself. And whilst the option of waiting several years before having your next seems to be the most financially viable, that’s not feasible for a lot of young women who are now in their thirties and have had to spend a huge chunk of their twenties and early thirties establishing themselves in their chosen careers. Biologically, I don’t think I can afford to wait 4 years to have my next baby, I might have not have enough eggs left.

We waited until we were financially ok to have two within 2.5 years. I know it doesn’t help you - but that’s what we did. Could you go back full time?

I stopped working so no childcare costs.

I went back to work FT at 5mths after my first. DP worked shifts coupled with my family helping and one day a week nursery all was ok.

After the second I took a year off as I had two. DP still in shifts so went back FT and paid around £1k a month in childcare but that dramatically dropped when first DD got 30 hours funding then went to school as second DD got 30 hours funding. Was tight for a few years but seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now.

We nanny shared. Cost was a bit more than 1 in nursery but way less than 2.

How much do you earn? You may be entitled to help with childcare costs

If DS is 18 months now OP, depending on how much leave you and/or DH would take, you might only need to delay trying for a couple of months to be sure, barring significant prematurity, that you'd still be on ML when he gets his free hours. You could be up the duff well before he turns 2 in this scenario.

When the elder two were little (15 month gap) we basically worked opposite each other - and handed the kids over outside one of our works (he was a postman so started early and finished early - I worked afternoons)

Went back full time. Will have second when we get 30 free hours.

We also live in a flat with £200 a month mortgage. That helps.

We had one then acquired another older one, then fell accidentally preggers. We just got on with it really, I worked nights he worked days, paid minimal childcare, had a shitty car, the kids shared rooms, the kids got everything they needed but not wanted and we just lived frugally. It was worth it 150%.
Now they’re all at school I’m working a better job and we have spare money month to month, it doesn’t last forever and I couldn’t imagine going back to the beginning now to have another !

We waited till we were old enough/had enough saved before we started on having kids.

I work full time in my home and my husband is a SAHD. Currently pregnant with number 3 and don't intend it to be the last, either. Existing kids will be 2 and 4 when the third arrives, hoping for one or two more with a similar age gap.

I did mine differently- mine are 18 months apart. I took my second maternity so could look after both children while being paid. I was fortunate to have two boys so didn't buy anything new- ds2 used all of ds1s stuff as he was just ahead. Worked really well and now they play with the same toys etc. I now work a few days a week and share childcare with DH (he changed hours). We're now done and can start saving for the future.