‘School Prom’ for 11 year olds - ridiculous or not?

[Keeponkeepigon]

Hello everyone, looking for some perspective.
My child is in year 6 and a group of parents have started to plan a party/prom for later on in the year. They have predicted the party will cost £3000! With a ticket cost of £30 and any shortfall to be made up by fundraising at our school. Selling ice creams to other children when the weather improves. It has been suggested that this prom should be very special and ‘a coming of age event’. The parents are trying to organise a disco with sit down meal for 75 children with perhaps a surf simulator at a hotel. Any criticism of, or suggestions for the event have been met with passive aggressive retorts i.e ‘well, what would your sons idea of a good evening be’. Do you think this event and the cost is unreasonable or is this event similar to anything your child has attended when leaving school? Thanks in advance

YANBU that's way ott. By all means have a leavers party but it doesn't need to be so expensive. The kids will be happy and excited to be all together and don't need thousands of pounds worth of entertaining! A nicely decorated hall, a dj etc all can be done very cheaply.

We had a big waterslide and water fight on the school field then back to school for a family BBQ and disco. Was great fun. We raised about £330 which funded it with money left over which we donated to a school fundraiser on behalf of the class. My youngest leave this year and I think/hope we'll do something similar.
I think it's too expensive and doesn't sound much fun for the kids!

This makes me so cross. It's immediately pricing some families out of the celebrations.
At my school, after a notable year when some parents ordered stretch limos and invited everyone to a party except one boy with ASD, the PTA decided to raise funds every year for a end of Y6 bash with bouncy castles, a disco, foam machines and pizza. It's free to all and great fun.

I'm all for the DC to have a special party that they will have lots of fun at. But I'm not sure a 'prom' would be the right thing but I guess it depends how it is done. I wouldn't like the expectation of posh prom outfits which would single out the poor DC. I would have thought a buffet and disco would be better. Smart/casual clothes. Will there be a discount for Pupil Premium DC because £30 could be a lot for some children. I kind of get the 'coming of age' sentiment but it's the wrong word. More like a significant milestone.

Of course it's unreasonable! Bowling and pizza would be perfect if you wanted to push the boat out.

They have a "sit down meal" together every school lunchtime don't they? And they aren't "coming of age" at 11 (ten still for 1/4 of the year group) I bloody hope!

Just seen the latest update. The majority of venues they approached said no. Now they are looking for donations of food stuffs “to sell at a reasonable price for maximum profit” after school. They obviously don’t see this as exploiting other parents and pupils at the school, but rather as ‘fundraising’. Quite sad really.

Sit down meal is over the top imo. Last year my DD’s school did an oscars theme night so the kids could dress up and there was a disco with photo booth and ‘fairground style’ snacks so popcorn, candyfloss etc. Can’t remember the cost but less than £15. They did an awards ceremony halfway through the night which was quite sweet (most likely to become PM, most likely to become a You tube star, best gamer etc)

Feels creepy. Year 6 isn’t ‘coming of age’ and a prom has all sort of romantic/sexual connotations - see basically any American film.

Kids should be doing something they’ll enjoy not being dragged into a few parents’ weird fantasy.

Kinda makes a prom for turning 16/18 less special too.

Ridiculous

it's hard enough to fundraise money for things the school and pupils actually NEED without wasting the effort on some party that could still be done but much cheaper.

Anyone who organised a class "disco" for a birthday party manages very well for a few £100! The parents are ridiculous and selfish.

Kinda makes a prom for turning 16/18 less special too.
and there's already a lot to say about these in term of ridicule and being over-the-top tacky affairs....

Are you in the UK @SageRosemary?
A "graduation" with scrolls and a year book at primary school?! I thought that kind of thing only happened in the US.
My children would definitely have been "ill" that day if their school had done anything of that nature.

Why can't some parents just let children be children!

Most 11 year olds don't need or want a sit down meal and fancy prom. They just want to run around and have fun.

Our school does a year 6 leavers' party. They have a BBQ on the school field and have a big bouncy castle slide to play on. They have a great time.

The "graduation" idea has been introduced in some deprived areas as a motivator to normalise the idea of educational success/ achievement/ going to university to families who traditionally wouldn't have expected a child to "graduate".

In areas with pushy parents/ parents with high expectations it does feel a bit ott. Does no harm as long as it costs nothing though.

Why can't some parents just let children be children!
god knows, but I am with you!

My son loved his prom. It was paid for by fundraising though. People volunteered and made props. There was a theme with food and drink (the kids chose their meal in advance). Music, bouncy castle, disco, photo booth etc. Some turned up in fancy cars and these were allowed in the playground for people to look at. There was no stigma if you didn’t have a fancy car though. We didn’t. As there were 70 kids in his year there were enough of them for a good party. It was a gorgeous sunny day. Everyone dressed up including the teachers. It really was lovely. Great photos and memories.

Leavers disco yes, 'prom' absolutely not!

i think it's bollocks. gives the flashy types a chance to pull out all the stops so everyone will be in awe of them (they wish....)

YANBU, £30 is rediculous and sounds like parent she showing off for other parents and possibly living their bl rather than thinking of what the kids would like.

My ds didn't attend his schools leavers party. The school had a one class (30 children) intake and they'd had a big falling out. Although other children's went that he liked as well as the ones he didn't he decided to knock it on the head. What did upset me was that the organising parents arranged for hoodies to be made which had to Ben ordered, only two children's in the class didn't order them as (I think) the parents couldn't find the money. A few of the other parents had suggested everyone paying a few pound extra so they could all have them but the (obviously) wealthiest families didn't want to and they were organising it. It was shameful.

I wonder how many people who think these things are a generation idea have counted the number of children who don't attend.

Fundraising for an event which costs more than £30 for a child to attend should absolutely not be allowed on school grounds. If your head is okay with it, I would go to the governors.

Generation = wonderful idea.

Cross post @Galleyfm. That's absolutely disgusting

@Clymene it was terrible. The difference in life style between the families in the class was huge. The kids had been together for seven years and to most of the families the extra wouldn't have been a big deal, given that they hired a couple of limos etc. I've just looked back at the whatsapp group for it and only 20 of the children attended. Incidentally not all the parents of the class were invited to the whatssapp group either. It was bizarre.

Please excuse the auto corrects in my previous post and possibly this one too

I think it’s hard to object when you feel like you are a lone voice. But seeing the responses here I think it is more than likely that there are lots of other parents who feel like me. Totally agree that the school should not allow fundraising on site for an OTT private event. I think it sends the wrong message, especially in the current climate of school cuts. You have all given me the confidence to raise this with the Headteacher.

A sit down dinner is so wasted on kids that age! When my dcs were in primary, the Yr 6 parents organised a leavers disco. We rented the village hall, got loads of decorations, a dj and did nibbles. The one year that parents tried actual dinner food ended up with so much waste, so the years after that were always sweets, nibbles and drinks. Each parent put in a tenner, kids got dressed up and had a blast! They are 11, ffs...there is no reason to spend a fortune at this age!

We had a big waterslide and water fight on the school field then back to school for a family BBQ and disco Now that sounds like more like it!

@MAFIL - a "scroll" is a certificate typed up by the school secretary, with child's name on it in calligraphy (by teacher) and rolled up with a tiny bit of ribbon or an elastic band. Cost is buttons for a nice piece of cream-coloured 120gsm paper. It's just an excuse to get them to walk up to Principal, in their school uniform, in front of their parents, get their own individual round of applause and have a signed souvenir piece of paper from the school - that has nothing to do with exam grades or sports or artistic or musical ability - every child is equal on the day. There are no special awards and no child is singled out in any way.

The yearbook is something done by parents with a tiny input from school teacher. I was on the committee one year. Its a ton of work but so worthwhile. We got all sorts of class and group photos. Each child had their own page and it's lovely to look back on now and see some individual, friend and family photos and to see what the children like to read and the music they listened to (Cake By The Ocean was one of the most popular). The children also considered what they would like to change about the world, what their dream job would be and something unusual about themselves that their classmates might not know. As the children are in their teens now it is lovely to look back at their answers. They had a choice to opt out of any questions. For child protections issues we had to get signed parental consent and we did not include dates of birth and we suggested to parents not to show club logos in photos or let the children say where they would go to secondary school etc. We had a graphic designer on the team which was a great help. I personally, did hours and hours of typing and checking and chasing up parents for photos (some sent too many and some sent one or none, some were best unused) and having to interview some children to get their page completed and would happily do it again. I think every child participated the year I was on Committee.

There is a fairly minimal charge to parents as a deposit and the children fundraise for the balance, think cake sales (my DDs did their own baking) in school or an Easter egg raffle. Any families who had chosen not to buy the class photos along the way got a chance to have them in the book for just a little more than the cost of buying them individually.

And, no, I'm not in the US. It's increasingly frequent for secondary school students around here to be involved in a yearbook. Certainly, I think it's quite unusual at primary school level, maybe our school was unique in this, teachers have so much to do already it would be dependent on willing parents to organise it with the agreement of the school obviously. But the rest of the graduation ceremony stands on its own, it's lovely, and I'd cry with or without the yearbook. Just suggesting it for the OP as an alternative to Prom!