Message from manager (reassure me that IABU)

[Somebodystired]

I've worked for my organisation for four years and for most of that time have had the same manager. She is generally very good, has a history of being a bit micro-managey but this has eased off a lot.

I took yesterday off sick, my first day off sick in over 18 months. Partly because I've a cold that just won't budge, and party because my son has received a few different health diagnoses in a short space of time over the past week or so and my anxiety has flared right up. My manager is aware of this.

Anyway, I had to pick my son up early from pre-school yesterday as he was also feeling unwell and had a temperature. He ended up with a fever and was very poorly. Ended up being admitted to hospital overnight on advice of 111 with dehydration.

I messaged my manager this morning to let her know what was going on and explaining I would take the rest of the week off.

She messaged back saying she was sorry to hear that but let's take it one day at a time and asking me to check in with her later to see if any work needs picking up. I responded saying that nothing needed picking up as I was due to be in meetings yesterday which I arranged to be covered, and today I was due to be out all day anyway on some shadowing at another department. Tomorrow I planned to redraft a big business submission for our director ahead of monday but I told my manager this was all in hand.

She hasn't responded, but my anxiety is sky high about this. Still waiting to be discharged from hospital with my son, but surely since it's Thursday it's not unreasonable of me to say I'll be out now for the rest of the week? There's no way my son will be back in preschool tomorrow. I think just the way she said "let's take it a day at a time" has made me feel like I've done something very wrong.

@Quirrelsotherface oh I'm sorry, are you the MN police?? Didn't think so dear

purse Nah mate, just can't stand nastiness

@Quirrelsotherface ok, so you clearly must have me confused with someone else. Mate.

If you were my deputy, I have to say I wouldn't be overly impressed. You being ill corresponding with your son being in hospital and needing care is a bit convenient. You messaging rather than calling, assuming you'll be off for awhile week I'll and expecting it to be sickness cover was not the best way to go about it.

I would have expected a phone call explaining the situation, saying that although your son is in hospital, you are genuinely struggling with your own health and asking for advice. I would have advise to take the time off sick and see how it went. That's on the basis of an employee otherwise committed to the job and having a good sickness record.

Saying that, if you are otherwise reliable, flexible, dedicated with good attendance record, she probably has no issues and will fully understand. In this instance, no need to worry.

If you're taking it as your own sick leave then it's usual practice everywhere I've worked to call in each day unless you've got a sick note from the doctor.

I can't see what your manager did wrong.

@Dontdisturbmenow I know what you are saying makes sense that it all sounds "convenient" but:
I was already off sick on Wednesday, i called in first thing in the morning. She knows i have had a cough for weeks. I told her that I'm feeling really unwell with the cough/headaches and that my anxiety was also bad. I havent spoken to her in depth about my mental health issues but my Instagram is an adoption-focused one and j posted a few times over the past few weeks asking for advice on some quite specific issues, that she has seen and is aware about because of this.

I didn't say I'd need the whole week off - I told her this morning that I'd take the rest of the week, meaning today and tomorrow. This puts me at 4 sick days in 4 years.

And my 3 year old son was admitted to hospital with a fever. He has also been unwell for a couple of weeks but we plodded along. I highly suspect we both have the same virus, which is not unheard of for parents of pre-schoolers!

@QuizzlyBear oh my goodness can you find anything in my.posts where I suggest my manager has done anything wrong?! I've said several times now that I dont think she has. That is not what this thread was about. I was asking if I had done wrong, general consensus was yes. I have defended my manager several times saying she is kind and empathetic. I've never suggested she is in the wrong at all.

@Pursefirst

Yes seriously
I'm entitled to my opinion
as is happens I was right so doesn't maybe understand how stressful it can be having a child that
@Quirrelsotherface.
You do get a lot of rude people on here
I ignore them most of the time.
Thank you for your support nice of you to reply. .

You'll be fine, don't worry but try to be as open with her as you can. I know it's hard to find the right balance between protecting your privacy and reassuring her you are not taking advantage of the sickness entitlement but with all you're going through, the last thing you need is to be anxious about what she might think and how it might affect your position.

It's very common to feel anxious about being off sick and assuming that our boss is 8maging the worse of us when the reality is they don't have much incline to think about it. As said, it you are normally reliable and committed, she'll think nothing of it.

The only thing is next time, consider calling instead of messaging. For one, it's more respectful but also her tone of voice and words will give you the reassurance that all is ok.

copper
It makes me laugh really, people would never dream of telling someone (especially a stranger!) To fuck off in real life. Bad side of t'internet is that it's made a load of keyboard warriors, who offload their frustrations on strangers who are genuinely looking for reassurance.

Best of luck with your situation.

@josefkeller.
I wouldn't say telling someone to ignore someone who is being stupid and not making an exception to the rules and making an extremely stressed person call in every day when she has a child in hospital is a strong reaction.
Also I don't have serious issues.
I find some of you on here extremely rude when replying and I wasn't even commenting on your post so don't know why you felt the need to Be so dam right rude.
The only issue now is you and your bloody rudeness.

copper just realised I addressed that to the wrong person but you know what I mean

All settled - manager just messaged me (on Facebook, ha) to check we were ok and to say if I felt well enough to work from home tomorrow then that's fine, but if not to take the day off as she doesnt want me working if I'm not well enough to.

Quite right too OP, that's how reasonable adults do things.

Hope you and DS are better soon