Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Message from manager (reassure me that IABU)

89 replies

Somebodystired · 06/02/2020 09:10

I've worked for my organisation for four years and for most of that time have had the same manager. She is generally very good, has a history of being a bit micro-managey but this has eased off a lot.

I took yesterday off sick, my first day off sick in over 18 months. Partly because I've a cold that just won't budge, and party because my son has received a few different health diagnoses in a short space of time over the past week or so and my anxiety has flared right up. My manager is aware of this.

Anyway, I had to pick my son up early from pre-school yesterday as he was also feeling unwell and had a temperature. He ended up with a fever and was very poorly. Ended up being admitted to hospital overnight on advice of 111 with dehydration.

I messaged my manager this morning to let her know what was going on and explaining I would take the rest of the week off.

She messaged back saying she was sorry to hear that but let's take it one day at a time and asking me to check in with her later to see if any work needs picking up. I responded saying that nothing needed picking up as I was due to be in meetings yesterday which I arranged to be covered, and today I was due to be out all day anyway on some shadowing at another department. Tomorrow I planned to redraft a big business submission for our director ahead of monday but I told my manager this was all in hand.

She hasn't responded, but my anxiety is sky high about this. Still waiting to be discharged from hospital with my son, but surely since it's Thursday it's not unreasonable of me to say I'll be out now for the rest of the week? There's no way my son will be back in preschool tomorrow. I think just the way she said "let's take it a day at a time" has made me feel like I've done something very wrong.

OP posts:

converseandjeans · 06/02/2020 12:54

hinge we have to make a phone call to an absence hotline before a certain time. It's not uncommon.

D4rwin · 06/02/2020 13:04

I think saying "let's take it a day at a time" is perhaps her trying to keep the proverbial door open to keep communicating rather than it being an all or nothing situation. She's trying to maintain a discussion with you rather than just leaving you to it. You said there was some micromanagement maybe it's that? Maybe she's quite involved or wants to be so everything can tick over at work?
When I've been off from work a long chat with my manager has usually happened from my side just a run down of everything I case they're concerned about something sliding. Even though I'm generally confident things will sit tight.

JosefKeller · 06/02/2020 13:09

she's only doing her job!

If the OP is calling off "sick", her son being in hospital is completely irrelevant. Dependant days are not sick days... You should be asked to clarify exactly what days you mean when you are back. Your office can't put both on the days you missed?

SwansGlide · 06/02/2020 13:21

Hinge Most professional employers have a policy of ringing in to report sickness daily and messaging is not acceptable. Some people would claim to have sent a message but "it must have got lost/my phone/internet wasn't working" etc. Also it's easier to "hide" behind a message, (ie lie) and the employer may have necessary questions or queries which they can ask at the time of a call, but response to a message may go unanswered. (again, along the lines of "my phone was switched off sorry".)

Original poster

Somebodystired · 06/02/2020 13:25

I appreciate those saying I should have phoned in and not messaged, but actually what would you have done in my situation? My son was admitted to hospital at 8pm last night, I did not think to take my work phone with me, which is my only way of contacting my line manager other than Facebook. I messaged her at 8am this morning because she turns up at work any time between 8-11am. I did not know what time I would be home.

OP posts:

JosefKeller · 06/02/2020 13:29

actually what would you have done in my situation?
I would have gone through the switchboard, I don't know direct numbers but the receptionist will easily transfer my call.
I don't think it matters that much, if you are stuck in hospital, it happens.

I wouldn't leave a vague message and would call later though.

heartsonacake · 06/02/2020 13:32

I appreciate those saying I should have phoned in and not messaged, but actually what would you have done in my situation?

OP I would have rang the office and left a voicemail message, explaining and asking my boss to call me back. If I hadn’t heard back by 11am, which is the latest you said she’s usually in, I would ring back.

You need to speak to your boss in person when calling in sick.

Messaging is inappropriate, and Facebook messaging even more so. Most places would issue unauthorised absences for messages like that as they are not acceptable methods of communication.

Fink · 06/02/2020 13:32

I appreciate those saying I should have phoned in and not messaged, but actually what would you have done in my situation?

I would have saved a work number of some sort to my ordinary personal phone. Depends on the company: either my line manager, or HR, or whoever else I'm likely to need to contact. I've got a work phone which I don't carry everywhere with me, so all the main numbers are also stored on my normal phone. That would seem reasonable and normal to me.

Hingeandbracket · 06/02/2020 13:34

Messages are casual communication for family and friends. They are not appropriate in a professional work environment.

Eh? Are we still living in the fucking 1950s? I am so glad I am self employed and I don't have to put up with this sort of utter bollocks.

JosefKeller · 06/02/2020 13:37

Eh? Are we still living in the fucking 1950s? I am so glad I am self employed and I don't have to put up with this sort of utter bollocks.

what does self-employed has to do with anything?

People scream bloody murder if they get a message from their boss, it goes both ways.

Start a thread about a manager contacting you on FB when you are off sick, and see how it goes.

I honestly don't think it matters so much anyway, a quick message stating you haven't got your phone so use this instead and can be reached on xxx is fine.

lottiegarbanzo · 06/02/2020 13:39

I'd have phoned the office and asked to be put through to the relevant person. If I didn't have the comapny switchboard number I'd have looked it up / called directory enquiries (old fashioned!).

Original poster

Somebodystired · 06/02/2020 13:40

We don't have a switchboard or an office number. We are public sector and doing smarter working so everyone uses their work mobile. I don't have any of these numbers saved to my personal phone, obviously I'll make sure I do in future, but I've never had to contact anyone out of hours when I didn't have my work phone on me so it's never occurred to me.

OP posts:

DishingOutDone · 06/02/2020 13:47

I think some of these replies are shocking. The OP hasn't had a day off sick in 18 months, she clearly needs to be off now. If OP has to ring in every day then so be it, bit of a nuisance. Under the circumstances, I would think her manager was totally unprofessional if she was querying the OP's honesty or need to be off.

Pursefirst · 06/02/2020 13:51

OP I hope you and your son feel better soon.

I do think that it is highly unprofessional to use FB messages for work-related communication, especially for communicating something like sick leave. That would result in a disciplinary meeting in my place of work.

What's done is done however and it sounds like your manager is decent so I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Original poster

Somebodystired · 06/02/2020 13:52

@dishingoutdone serves me right for posting in AIBU! Think I'll just stick to the adoption boards now, apart from a few kind posters on this thread, it's the only supportive place I can seem to find on MN anymore.

OP posts:

JosefKeller · 06/02/2020 13:56

it's the only supportive place I can seem to find on MN anymore.

so you are not asking a question at all, you just wanted a pat on the back saying it's fine dear.

Posters replied based on their own workplace policy and experience, don't ask a question if you don't like the answer.

heartsonacake · 06/02/2020 13:57

Under the circumstances, I would think her manager was totally unprofessional if she was querying the OP's honesty or need to be off.

DishingOutDone Don’t be ridiculous. The circumstances are irrelevant as the manager has absolutely no idea whether OP is lying about her or her son being sick; she can only take OP’s word for it, so of course she needs to be a professional and query the need to be off.

Only a slack, unprofessional manager who you could walk all over would just blindly agree to someone being off without querying anything.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 06/02/2020 13:57

In the absence of any other way to contact a boss (keeping in mind the OP was in a high level of stress and probably not thinking straight) I think FB is fine.

I found myself in a similar situation when called to my mother's bedside in her last days. It was 10 years ago now so smart phones were not as smart.
I can't remember how I contacted my boss to let him know, but I recall that it was tricky and by some standards probably unprofessional but fortunately I work in a very relaxed environment.

I'm sure OP's boss would understand under the circumstances.

copperoliver · 06/02/2020 13:58

Take no notice of the stupid cow. She either has no children or if she has is very hard were they are concerned
No empathy.
Ignore it. X

Pursefirst · 06/02/2020 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Somebodystired · 06/02/2020 14:02

She doesnt have children but she is very supportive and I wouldnt say she lacks empathy. Like I've said, I dont think shes done anything wrong at all (and she hasn't queried me being off either), I was asking if I was BU because I'm struggling with anxiety atm and am struggling to see through it.

OP posts:

Quirrelsotherface · 06/02/2020 14:06

This reply has been deleted

Post references deleted post. Talk Guidelines.

Amylox · 06/02/2020 14:08

I agree with the other poster who said she was probably trying to be kind.

And I think you're trying to distract yourself from the real issue with the birth mother.

JosefKeller · 06/02/2020 14:09

indeed, if anyone has such strong reactions against someone because they are a "manager" like copperoliver, they have serious issues, we must show empathy.

Original poster

Somebodystired · 06/02/2020 14:12

so you are not asking a question at all, you just wanted a pat on the back saying it's fine dear.

Posters replied based on their own workplace policy and experience, don't ask a question if you don't like the answer.*

Nope not the case at all. I was asking if IABU by saying I'll be taking tomorrow off sick as well as today. Instead people have jumped at me for how I contacted my manager (it was an emergency situation and was my only way of doing so) without any consideration that other people's work culture may be different from their own. People have told me what type of leave I should be taking ignoring the fact that I am unwell with poor mental health that will be escalated by the circumstances of my son being admitted to hospital. When I said that I had no other way of contacting my manager so what else should I have done, one other poster actually said they would make sure they had their number on all their phones- not helpful unless they can tell me how to get a time machine!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4