Not paying half towards this trip

[GeekyGirl42]

Started dating a woman, who lives 4 hours away, in November. It was hard because with that distance, short dates aren't practical. After the second date, I let her book a trip away to Prague, in February. I did ask her not to, but what I didn't do is refuse to accept the gesture.

Over the last month, I've changed jobs, I'm getting ready to move house and my daughter's father is taking me to court.

Things started to feel wrong and I was sensing red flags. It felt hard to get to the bottom of with so much going wrong elsewhere, but I knew that if it was feeling like that so early on, then it's not right. I broke things off, 9 days before our trip. She's really upset with me, and listed a load of things that make me a bad partner. Some of those would be right - I'm stressed and I felt some triggers.

I offered to pay something towards the trip, and promptly sent over the £300 I had saved up for spending money. It turns out she spent over £800, and feels I should be paying at least half. I don't think I should - she could still take the trip, I didn't ask her to book this, and I certainly didn't have any say in how it was booked.

God she sounds batshit. Getting £400 out of you was generous, but TBH I'd chalk that up as the cost of a lucky escape.

Hopefully she'll bugger off now, but if she comes back then tell her that you've already told her not to contact you, and that if she continues you will be reporting her to the police for harassment.

She booked and paid for everything after our second date, insisting it was a gift and she expected nothing in return. I had to talk her down from much more expensive destinations as well

Sounds like a very lucky escape! Too much too soon. Red flag!

OMG it turns out she claimed her half under travel insurance as too unwell to travel. So she wanted me to cover the other half and then not hand over the booking so I could go if I wanted. Is blocked everywhere, have totally dodged a bullet

Freak!!

OP you're as bad as her. Seriously. Take a hard look at yourself.

How so Monty27?

Well... You're instincts were correct then! Just put it behind you now and focus on yourself

Monty... Get a grip.

You can insist that it goes to a small claims where you live.

I would not have paid anything! Shocked you did tbh.

If 1 is too ill to travel the insurance would usually pay out for both?

Are you sure it was ever booked?!

I bet she got the full amount back plus £400 from you. Very strange of her to book a holiday after 2 dates and a bullet has been dodged

She booked and paid for everything after our second date

And you went on for a third date???

Why the fuck didn’t you run like the fucking wind then? Seriously

You could see where this was going right there and then!

Dodged a bullet? You've given some crazy woman £400 for nothing, you've been shot.

@leghairdontcare I just came back to ask since when is getting scammed called dodging a bullet

Dodged a bullet? You've given some crazy woman £400 for nothing, you've been shot.

This. Think long and hard a put your boundaries before getting into another relationship.

Dodged a bullet there!

How has she dodged a bullet? She's been scammed out of £400!

@MrsTerryPratchett I'm well aware of that. The bullet I dodged it being with her for the next two years and moving in with her at some point.

Believe it or not I'm getting better at relationship boundaries - compared with my last one I've done much better this time around....obviously there is still work to be done and it's going to be some time before I allow myself into dating anyone

If she said it was a gift you don't owe her anything. I doubt she will take it as far as court for the extra £100 she will have difficulty proving you agreed to pay half. £300 is generous I think.

@GeekyGirl42 how did you pay her? If it was via PayPal or Venmo you can try to file a claim for fraud and get it reversed.

I wouldn’t have paid anything personally, she’s a major CF. Who books an expensive trip away with someone they just met? It’s ridiculously risky.

She booked and paid for everything after our second date, insisting it was a gift and she expected nothing in return.

If your boundaries have improved since your last relationship, I hate to think what they were like before. Most people would have run 1,000 miles at the above offer after a second date.

I don't understand the part about her trying to reclaim costs for things you'd gone half on?

I’m not disputing that this woman was a bullet. But I don’t think it’s that crazy to book a trip away! Yes it was after 2 dates - but as they live 4 hours apart* I expect there was a lot of contact between dates.

I met a guy OLD. On our second date (lots of chat in between) we randomly talked about places we’d never been but would love to. His number one? Paris. I said - well, let’s go. I earned loads more than him, and treated him - though I was very vocal about no-strings-attached, not to read anything into it accept that I’m quite spontaneous, love Paris (used to live there), and had the money. I’m not a bunny boiler. His mum did warn him I might be going to sell his kidneys

We went, we had an OK time. One month later we did another European weekend, this time 50/50. After that, I ended it. He wasn’t for me. I never tried to claim back his Paris flight!

I’m not saying OP shouldn’t watch out for red flags, but nor should she beat herself up about getting carried away with excitement in a new relationship, where I think a weekend away early on is not that unusual, depending on income.

OP a bit of dating advice my friend gave me... limited your area on OLD a lot*. There is always someone you’ll like closer than 4 hours away! Too much hassle.

Honestly my boundary issues are a whole other thread and I'm in therapy for it.

The other stuff is just normal stuff. We agreed to buy something (personal nature), agreed to pay half. No one wants to use it now, completely understandable. She wants the half she paid for stuff like that back.