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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not paying half towards this trip

89 replies

GeekyGirl42 · 05/02/2020 22:51

Started dating a woman, who lives 4 hours away, in November. It was hard because with that distance, short dates aren't practical. After the second date, I let her book a trip away to Prague, in February. I did ask her not to, but what I didn't do is refuse to accept the gesture.

Over the last month, I've changed jobs, I'm getting ready to move house and my daughter's father is taking me to court.

Things started to feel wrong and I was sensing red flags. It felt hard to get to the bottom of with so much going wrong elsewhere, but I knew that if it was feeling like that so early on, then it's not right. I broke things off, 9 days before our trip. She's really upset with me, and listed a load of things that make me a bad partner. Some of those would be right - I'm stressed and I felt some triggers.

I offered to pay something towards the trip, and promptly sent over the £300 I had saved up for spending money. It turns out she spent over £800, and feels I should be paying at least half. I don't think I should - she could still take the trip, I didn't ask her to book this, and I certainly didn't have any say in how it was booked.

OP posts:
weeklycubrun · 29/02/2020 23:58

It's really not worth her while going through small claims court for £100. I'd just ignore and block now

Ellisandra · 01/03/2020 00:02

Plenty of couples, one would leave everything to the other but with a rough idea what’s going to be owed - she’d just say you knew. Sending you details wouldn’t mean you had no idea before, just that she’s being precise about what you owe, now that you owe it.

I’d dig back through EVERYTHING.

Maybe:
Her: holiday reference
You: it’s so kind of you to treat me like this
Her:

AcrossthePond55 · 01/03/2020 00:04

I wouldn't have paid anything. But I would have made it clear that I wasn't going, either. I wouldn't go anywhere overnight with anyone after only two dates!!

I don't know how SCC goes in the UK, but in the US unless the plaintiff has proof in writing that you agreed to pay for 1/2 the trip it's considered a gift. Have you kept any text messages about the trip? Do they show you considered it a gift or that she didn't expect you to pay? Do you have texts showing that the £300 was a 'goodwill gesture' as opposed to paying 'your share of the bill'?

I agree with a PP, you've dodged a bullet. Next time, don't take expensive gifts from someone you barely know.

WalkingDeadTrainee · 01/03/2020 00:05

She won't really take you to small claims court for that.
Wtf did she book for £800 in Prague for a trip (which suggests few days only)😳

Ellisandra · 01/03/2020 00:09

Just realised, today is the last day of February. So... did she go on the trip?
Because surely if small claims found in favour, it would be for costs she didn’t use?
So if a hotel room was the same for 2 as 1 (which they often are - or at least, not 50%) what’s there to claim? Ditto the meet and greet. (which is usually cheaper than parking on airport btw, so I’m not sure it was all high expense bookings).
I’d have thought the only thing she couldn’t recoup would be the flight for you?

GabsAlot · 01/03/2020 00:16

She cant prove ther ewas any agreement to split the cost so she shouldnt win and i think it cost 30 pound just to open a case

Original poster
GeekyGirl42 · 01/03/2020 00:16

She did not go on the trip. Also it's not just the trip she's claiming for, it's other things as well which I haven't mentioned here, which I can see are way out of order (and no, not more expensive gifts, just a reclaiming of costs for normal things that we already went half on). Otherwise I probably would pay the £100 to get rid, but I get the feeling she'll just come up with more and more things.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 01/03/2020 00:23

In that case, I would send one email detailing that the of cost of the holiday was entirely on her as she offered to take you, despite you initially saying no. Then refute all further claims with short detail - e.g. you want 50% of x concert tickets, when I already paid my own. Then inform her that you have nothing more to say, will not respond further - and mean it.

ButtonMoonLoon · 01/03/2020 00:25

Block her from all forms of communication and move on.
It sounds as though you’ve potentially dodged a bullet!

Daftodil · 01/03/2020 00:25

She booked and paid for everything after our second date

Who does this?! I don't think any court would expect you to pay half under these circumstances. I think most people would run a mile in your shoes and she is crazy to book £800 holiday with someone she has only met twice!

cstaff · 01/03/2020 00:25

I would ignore her threat and not pay another penny to this scam artist. Apart from the costs involved it is a lot of bother to take you to court. Do you really see her pursuing this. If yes, then just keep everything you have, texts, emails, bank transfers etc.

Cheesypea · 01/03/2020 00:26

It sounds like she is harassing you and yes i thought scam also. You had a lucky escape. Hopefully shell find another mark soon.

Sobeyondthehills · 01/03/2020 00:27

From my knowledge of Judge Rinder and Judy

she would have had a hard time of proving you owed her anything till you paid her that £300, this seems a she says she says situation (unless you have anything that says otherwise) she could claim you knew you were paying half and here is you paying for some of the trip

Like I say though my knowledge of this is from court room tv

Original poster
GeekyGirl42 · 01/03/2020 00:33

Looked through messages, and damn, we argued because she was claiming I'd planned this all along, because I had said the past I should be finding a way to pay for half of the trip (that was before we broke up). So I've sent her the extra £100 and told her to never contact me again. I don't need this stress (and she knows that).

OP posts:
AmICrazyorWhat2 · 01/03/2020 00:52

She sounds completely bonkers, OP. I agree with others, you've dodged a bullet there and it's cost you £400. Sad Block her and move on, she sounds more than a little odd...booking a holiday after two dates, that's downright odd.

WagtailRobin · 01/03/2020 01:11

@GeekyGirl42 Let her take you to the small claims court, although I don't think she actually will because really it's an embarrassing situation, booking a holiday for someone you've only been on one date with, why would she want anyone else to know that? I wouldn't.

She sounds a bit intense and I think you have had a lucky escape, you shouldn't have sent her the £300 though, you owe her nothing.

I would block her on all platforms so as she can't contact you any further!

cstaff · 01/03/2020 03:19

I see you have paid her. Well I hope it does the trick and keeps her out of your life. I get why you did it. Anything for a quiet life. Here's hoping it works. If it does it will have been cheap at the price for a bit of peace. If she tries to pull a fast one like this again just block her, actually block her anyway.

Monty27 · 01/03/2020 03:33

Call judge Tinder. More fun than small claims court. I maybe wrong but I don't think it's free and has to be over a certain claim amount. Don't know how much.

Monty27 · 01/03/2020 03:34

FFS I mean Rinder! Oh the irony ShockGrin

DrManhattan · 01/03/2020 08:10

You sent her more money? Are we getting the full story here?

Dozer · 01/03/2020 08:15

You shouldn’t have given her a penny!

adaline · 01/03/2020 08:33

Why on earth did you give her anything?

Tell her to fuck off.

KatherineJaneway · 01/03/2020 08:38

Make sure you block her on all forms of communication. You've paid up twice now, she'll be after you for more.

MrsStrangerThing · 01/03/2020 08:44

You really shouldn't have paid her anything but its done now, so you need to block all communication and move on. I cannot help wondering if you ever saw any receipts,my suspicious mind wonders if anything was ever even booked! Sorry op that you are having such a bad patch Flowers

SimonJT · 01/03/2020 08:50

Dodged a bullet there!

I went away with my boyfriend and son in January, he paid for the flights, I paid for our airbnb as I wasn’t staying with him (he stayed with his parents).

I asked him if he wanted to come on holiday in the summer, he’ll essentially be a guest so I’ll be paying for the holiday. If for any reason he can’t come I wouldn’t expect or take a single penny from him.

Arranging a holiday after two dates is nuts.