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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sons girlfriend

55 replies

southlondonlass · 05/02/2020 22:35

AIBU my son has been with his lovely girlfriend for just over five years. She is just like another daughter to me. He has told me he is thinking about splitting up with her due to them getting together too young and he feels like he has not 'lived life to the full'. Myself and his girlfriends mum will be really upset as we are friends. AIBU asking him to think about it fully and not make any decisions he may come to regret. Please be gentle me as I care very much for them both x

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 05/02/2020 22:37

I mean this kindly but mind your own business

DollyDoneMore · 05/02/2020 22:38

Sad for you but you must know you can’t live his life for him and should support him whatever he decides.

(There’s also no reason for you to ‘split up’ with either the girlfriend or her mum.)

MargotLargot · 05/02/2020 22:38

It’s not all about you, Susan.

NicEv · 05/02/2020 22:39

If he hasn’t asked for advice , don’t give it. I have a friend who stayed with his first girlfriend because his mother asked him to and he is very unhappy. Just be supportive and loving to your son and allow him to make his own decisions - these are his choices to make , not yours

Servalan · 05/02/2020 22:40

I think you need to respect whatever he decides, however sad it may be. His life. His relationship.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/02/2020 22:42

You can still be friends with her mum. Your son has a right to be happy. Don’t interfere.

rebecca102 · 05/02/2020 22:42

It's his life. Just continue your friendship with them both and let him move on if that's what he feels is best for him.

Dellow · 05/02/2020 22:43

Stay well out of it or you could well end up alienating him or ending up the ‘bad guy’. Be an impartial observer who is there for support and stay on good terms with everyone. I would not offer an opinion unless asked directly (and then it would probably be a watered down ‘you have to make your own decisions of what is right for you’ kind of thing).

YicketyYackMamasBack · 05/02/2020 22:44

My nose turned right up at your OP.

He could do the right thing now, leave her, have experiences he has not yet had that he feels he is missing out on.

Or you could pressure him to stay with her, maybe marry her, perhaps even have children.

Then one day you’re not just dealing with a break up, but a broken family.

Let him make his own choices.

PinkiOcelot · 05/02/2020 22:45

It’s really none of your business OP.

Mrsjayy · 05/02/2020 22:46

Please keep your nose out i am sure she is a lovely girl but he needs to decide for himself, do you wantbhim to be miserable because you love her like a daughter?

Purpleartichoke · 05/02/2020 22:46

Keep your own issues to yourself. Can you imagine if he stays with her, gets married, has kids, ends up unhappy and divorcing.

If he isn’t sure, now is the time for him to end things

SemperIdem · 05/02/2020 22:47

YABU.

You’re viewing your son’s relationship from a thoroughly selfish perspective. Please let him make his own decisions and do not interfere.

rainbowlou · 05/02/2020 22:48

its not your business, but also you may not know the full story and he is telling you this reason to lessen the pressure on them to stay together and the predictable questions/gossip.
(I’ve been there and did the same!)

Leeds2 · 05/02/2020 22:50

It really is nothing to do with you and, for all you know, the GF may feel exactly the same. Support DS in his decision, without seeking to influence it, and you can still remain friends with the GF's mum.
They may also have a break, and get back together in a few years time. Plenty of people do.

Winterwoollies · 05/02/2020 22:53

My god. I know you care about them but surely you realise your feelings don’t even begin to factor in his relationship? Not a bit. Not even a teeny little bit.

Be glad he was open with you before doing anything, that’s a nice sign of your closeness, but m for God’s sake don’t emotionally blackmail him on top.

Bluerussian · 05/02/2020 22:55

You really cannot interfere, it's his and her lives, not yours. She may well feel the same so the split could be a gentle one. Don't say anything except you feel sorry they are splitting up, you're entitled to say that nicely.

Sometimes couples who have been together a few years since teens do break up and then get back together so fingers crossed for you. However the chances are they will both move on, explore avenues and meet new people which is natural. They are only young once.

This situation should not unduly affect your friendship with girlfriend's mother. These things happen.

HairyFloppins · 05/02/2020 22:57

It's not your decision. Don't make him stay with someone. His happiness comes first.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 05/02/2020 22:58

I cried (to myself ) after my son split with his last girlfriend. I was truly surprised how upset I was about it. But, to him I offered love and support and no judgment. I did not want him to feel that he had to stay in a relationship to keep me happy.

As I had felt I had to for years with my ex husband.

TokenGinger · 05/02/2020 22:59

@MargotLargot Stacey Solomon fan by any chance? 😂😂😂

CakeandCustard28 · 05/02/2020 23:01

YABU. His life, his choice. You can still be friends.

MargotLargot · 05/02/2020 23:05

@TokenGinger Nope!

katseyes7 · 05/02/2020 23:16

OP, how would you feel ten years down the line if they'd got married, had children, and he felt the same way then? lf he decided he hadn't 'lived' and they split up because he wanted to see what else was out there?
You don't have to stop being friends with her and her family. lf they're right for each other, they'll have some time to live a little, then they'll gravitate back together. Or perhaps not.
You can't expect him to stay with her just to keep you happy. Or to keep her happy, for that matter.
lt's his life. Let him make his own decisions and mistakes (if mistakes they prove to be - they may not).
Otherwise you run the risk of alienating him, or being blamed if he feels forced into staying with her. Be supportive to both of them. Don't take sides. And l say that as someone whose mother took my ex husband's side when we split up.

C8H10N4O2 · 05/02/2020 23:17

Have you asked him what he feels he is missing out on? Rather than the nebulous "stuff". It may be they just want different things and have grown apart or it may be they just don't communicate well (also a problem but not insurmountable).

Either way, its his and his GF's lives and decision, your friendship with her mother is completely seperate.

Potentially your relationship with teh GF is also separate. DM is still in regular contact with a sibling's ex 20 yrs after they split, also because they had grown apart and wanted different things out of life.

Beamur · 05/02/2020 23:20

I split up with my ex best part of 20 years ago.
I still send his Mum a Christmas card.
It is sad when you split up with someone and your families were friends too!

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