I just feel so sad and wish I could fix it, fix him
This a very common reaction from women, to abusive practices from their romantic partner.
You can't fix it any more than you can fix a drunk, a gambler, a womaniser, a druggie or a wife-beater.
Only he can fix it, & he doesn't want to. He thinks there's nothing wrong with him.
If he’d done anything about the debts I’d feel more confident, I suggested get a lodger, consolation loan, air bnb I suggested all of it, but hes done nothing now for a year and I don’t want to nag.
All he wants is for you to agree with him, minimise & swallow your own distress, & continue cocklodging with you because it suits him.
That is not love, or care, or sharing problems.
That is - just like when he bought you an expensive present despite your stated requirement that he should not, while simultaneously refusing to pay his agreed contribution that month - telling you that he will do things HIS way & YOUR way is to be dismissed.
We would have properly moved in together by now except I’m scared that’s just going to make it worse, or will it make it better?
Worse.
Abusers (& controllers, which I am starting to suspect he is) ramp up their abuses with every stage of the relationship. As soon as you moved in with him, he would escalate his spending & expect you not only to go along with him, but to subsidise him into further spending debt until you also are financially crippled.
to end love over money seems wrong but it’s happening anyway I can’t help it ...
Are you SURE this was love OP?
Re-read PP's above.
How about your last relationship - A horrible drawn out divorce sounds like there was maybe foul play by your Ex too. How much time did you have to 'debrief' after that, what support & counselling have you had, & do you feel you may be playing out an unresolved pattern of accomodating men who are not acting in your best interests?
I suspect this is not love, but may be a reaction to some old wound.
Possibly a trauma bond.
Particularly given the huge attraction & real whirlwind romance. Do you now feel that could have been Love Bombing by a serial financial abuser keen to find a new willing source of comfort & easy home life at your expense?
Remember - it's never, at base, about the money.
It's about what the money represents (power), & making sure you continue to dance to his tune.
Surprise him - stop dancing.
Do as PP suggested upthread - suggest he forgets about the £300, moves back to his (to switch on his own heating for a change, ha! - except don't say that bit), comes over a couple of times a week.
Won't it be interesting to see how he reacts? Or even, if he accepts it, if he brings - i.e. doesn't expect you to pay for - his own booze.
Or offers to pay back some or all of your £2k.
But I also suspect, indeed sincerely hope, that even that would be too little, too late, for you. Here is a link to the incomparable Lundy Bancroft, on financial abuse - (this can be either witholding money from a partner, or exploiting them for money) www.facebook.com/LundyBancroft/posts/friends-this-conversation-is-crucial-in-our-efforts-to-protect-and-assist-abused/10153978715993838/
& here he is again, for you to slowly read & assimilate what might have been the dynamic of your previous relationship ... & what you may have unwittingly carried over into this one - www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that.pdf
It'sa lot to take on board OP, & well done for not burying your head in the sand.