Tell me your CF experiences

[GaaaaarlicBread]

Still stuck in bed and reading some CF stories . Made me think, what’s your most CF experience that’s made you question people ?
Mine was a few years back I was still living with my parents, I was about 20, not long before I moved out , and I was walking my dog down the road (we lived on a cul-de-sac and knew every neighbour and got on well with them-apart from one of them who was just vile to us from the start), I walked by their house and he was stood at his door staring at me. I said ‘morning John’ and he didn’t say anything . I saw him again when I was going by his house again with the dog , and again he stared at me. Our dog would never poo or wee on the pavement she only goes on grass , she’s a bit fussy. But we walked on the pavement rather than down the middle of the road, fair enough?
I got home and about an hour later I looked out my bedroom window to see John Smith placing dog shit outside our door . My parents are very shy and don’t do confrontation, and wouldn’t say anything so I went right out and questioned him. He said ‘don’t you dare walk your dog on my pavement again, it’s dirty’ , I said ‘she didn’t do anything she just walked ‘ and he said ‘yes but she could’ve done and I walk on the pavement to get to my car’ . I just stood there and I was like ‘wait a minute though who’s shit is this?’ And he walked off smirking . Later on after further inspection my parents came to the conclusion it was human shit .

Never got over it , completely freaked out and confused about it to this day !

So what are your best ‘what the heck?’ stories ?

@itsemily

@willloman we have done that. Move on.

A friend and I had an arrangement that we would take turns taking our boys to cubs, one person would collect from school, feed kids and drive them there, other person picked up and dropped home. My friend was lovely and always being taken advantage of by a particular group of cf mothers at school - she was a SAHM with four kids and they were always using her for free childcare because she struggled to say no.

I got a call one day from one of the worst offending cfs with twins saying that her boys wanted to do cubs so could myself and nice friend include them in our rota, nice friend had told her she needed to ask me and had given me the heads up. I said great, obviously as she had two kids she would be doing 2/4 school pick ups and would she like to do every second week or would it be easier for her to just do two weeks out of four in a row. Obviously she had no intention of doing any of it, she expected us to have two extra kids each week but I had real fun playing dumb with her before telling her no and that she was a cf for asking 😁

BumpyNugget

I was getting married. I booked it a year in advance and told my DB. He doesn’t drive so I thought I would give him plenty of time to make arrangements. 5 months from the wedding I’m slightly nervous so I asked him how he was planning on getting to my wedding and if he had booked the train yet. My brother was incensed and told me that he wanted me (the bride) to come and pick him up on the morning of my wedding. I told him I didn’t have time do a 4 hour round trip to pick him up on my wedding day. Where i was getting married was 5 mins walk max from the train station.

I have CF birthday party story.
A lovely lady at my church was turning 80. I cannot exaggerate how lovely this lady is. She is the anti CF of the world.
Lots of people wanted to help, I got involved in decorating. Lovely lady loves pink, so there was lots of that and cyclamen flowers.
Enter CF old man.
Main party organiser had heard CF old man was upset as he was turning 80 a month later and nobody was organising him a party, so she offered to and he said no.
Two weeks before lovely lady's party he accosted party organiser in the foyer at church and demanded to be included in lovely lady's party. Lovely lady said she didn't mind as she's so lovely.
He tried to take over. We were setting everything up on the morning and he arrived with a huge stack of pictures. Set up a table in the middle of the room, taking up a lot of space and filled the table with pictures from his life.
He was asked to move the table out of the way. He wasn't happy. He was asked if he'd left some room for party lady's pictures as it was her party after all. He blustered a lot and said no, after all lovely lady had no idea what he was doing. He tried to get me to change my decorations. I refused.
He generally got in the way for a bit before deciding we were all mean and left, staying that he was now no longer coming and we could "save the pictures for his funeral".
I found myself thinking that his funeral might be sooner than he liked if he didn't behave. He's also one of these people who constantly whistles tunelessly and it was getting on my nerves.
Guess what? He did come.
We brought out lovely lady's lovely cake and sang happy birthday. Then CF's wife shouts "Don't forget CF!" And arrives with a sad looking small uniced fruit cake. We have to sing happy birthday again and many guests have a wtf look on their faces as they didn't know he was trying to take over.
CF then gets up and starts to attempt to sing a Johnny Cash song - badly. The room is uncomfortably silent, everyone now has a wtf face on.
Eventually he shuts up. I later heard him saying how sad he was only one of his relatives had come due to short notice. He's then discussing organising a party on his actual birthday not quite a month away.
He's upset and annoyed a lot of people in recent years. He once phoned up my mum to say he'd been praying and had now forgiven her - for thinking his ventriloquist act wasn't very good. It was terrible and he'd decided to show everyone this act in the middle of a Sunday service.
He was also upset I didn't laugh at a very misogynistic joke he told. I considered phoning him up and saying I'd been deep in prayer and had finally forgiven him for being an utterly self obsessed jerk, but decided not to.

CF then gets up and starts to attempt to sing a Johnny Cash song - badly.

I'm trying to imagine an elderly British man singing a song by Johnny Cash, the classic American Country Western artist, and it's just not working.

I'm pretty involved in my church. There are plenty of CF's in church.

I’m really sorry for you but come on, this is a disgraceful thing to say! An 11 year old wasn’t “fucking” anyone. She was being raped. What the fuck

So the kids in my secondary school were raping each other? They were the same age. What a ridiculous comment.

Sorry to derail! Keep the CF stories coming!

Cigars that made me chuckle - the cheeky old git!

Mine is a bit boring. Neighbour loved his gardening but I can't even look after a cactus, I'm just terrible. Anyway, all we would do was strong and now our law. While I was pregnant with my first, it was terrible. I was on bed rest for the last month, I nearly died giving birth during an emergency c-sections, and it was a long recovery afterward. My DH was working and studying so out 5am to 9pm every day and didn't get any parental leave. We were on the bread line and survival was all we could think of.

So, it shouldn't be surprising that our mowing duties slipped for a few months.

As soon as we got home from the hospital, he chastised us for not looking after the lawn. I told him I wasn't getting into it right now and then walked away, but heard him tell my DH that he should make me understand my place.

Then when my DSis was visiting, Neighbour came over to tell her to tell me that the lawn was atrocious and he was embarrassed to live next door to us and I was a piece of work. Had said nothing to him since the initial trip home because I could barely leave the house. DSis said he could do it if he wanted but we had more important things than the grass at the moment.

My FIL was kind enough to mow our lawn for us when he visited. Neighbour tried to say a few things to him but my FIL wasn't having it and just got on with the job. Usually he can be an argument I've person but we were surprised by his restraint.

We moved about a month later and he commented about how he'd have someone who looked after the lawn next time. When we visited to pick up some mail someone accidentally sent, we laughed at the jungle the lawn had become. I'm sure the neighbour was seething.

He was a weird, mysoginistic man though. I avoided him most of the time. I have no problem standing up for myself but he just wasn't someone I wanted to waste air on.

Like I said, not crazy but wanted to share some lightheartedness for the night.

We moved about a month after that incident.

@MissConductUS it was painful. He can't sing and a few lines in he sort of reverted to half singing half reciting. Think William Shatner's pop career style. It was truly terrible.
We've had quite a few CF's come and go over the years. There was the lady who lived an hour's journey from the church and always wanted lifts. Turns out she'd cf'd her way through all her local churches before ending up with us! One person had said no, they weren't going to do two lots of two hour round trips as they happened to be doing something else. She phoned them up and screeched at them, then phoned one of the church leaders and screeched at them too.
There are quite a few that are just sad though, they've clearly got MH issues and we do try and be understanding!

Actually, when it comes to CF lift demanding...
We had a family where only the dad drove. The mum had a driving licence but had stopped driving as soon as she got married.
This muddled along until it was just them and their now adult youngest daughter and the dad continued driving for them - until he fell ill and had to stop driving.
Now people were willing to help, but they didn't ask, they just told. The wife put together a rota for people to collect them on a Sunday morning and to take her daughter to and from work. They didn't ask, they just told people.
They tried to get me to do the work rota but I shot it down as I had a job myself!
Thankfully it was enough of an impetus for the daughter to finally find some independence and get driving lessons.
However the rota (while she was still learning) fell to the same three people who always end up suckered into everything and never say no.